I remember reading an article that claimed there is no such thing as darkness. Just the absence of light. We had crafted a word for it because the unknown terrified us. As I sat with Lannan in the funeral home, I realized that I finally understood that. I feared the darkness that would come if Lannan one day decided I wasn't enough.

His hand rested lightly on my thigh. Neither of us talking, just simply embracing the other's company. I knew Lannan didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to say. So we sat there, the last two people in the pews, keeping each other sane. Lannan had mentioned when we arrived how beautiful the flowers looked, and in this moment, they were all I could focus on.

"Lan?" He hummed in response. "Do you think any of this gets easier?" I felt his grip on my thigh tighten ever so slightly.

"No." I could feel his body shift towards me, but I didn't dare look. "But that doesn't mean you give up." He raked his hand through my hair leaving it at the base of my neck. "You keep fighting. Life wasn't meant to be easy. There's always gonna be setbacks, and moments where it feels like the universe is conspiring against you." I glanced over at him, finally noticing how close he actually was. "It's not gonna be easy, baby girl. But it's so worth it. I'm sure if you asked your grandma or your mom how their life was, they wouldn't mention the bad parts. They'd highlight the good ones." Smiling, I leaned into his arms.

"This life I have with you, it is worth it." He placed a kiss on the top of my head before wrapping his arms tightly around me. "What are the highlights of yours?" He chuckled.

"I could say fortnite, or I could say being a legendary youtuber, but I'd be lying." He began to rub my back. Moving his hand slowly from the base to the top of my shoulders. "There's two moments in my life that really stand out."

"Well are you gonna tell me, or leave me in the dark?" He chuckled once again.

"The first is the moment my parents realized that I had made a life for myself. When I dropped out of high school and left construction to do YouTube, I could see how disappointed they were. But they wanted to support me. Then once my career really took off, they finally had something to be proud of."

"And the second?" He gently pulled away and forced me to look at him.

"I met this girl in an airport. She was stunning. The second I saw her time stopped, and I knew I had to talk to her. Ever since I met her, my life hasn't been the same." He was now smiling. He slowly started to lean in before I placed my finger against his lips.

"Lannan Eacott, you're not about to kiss me in a funeral home, are you?" He rolled his eyes and pressed his lips against mine.

"I just did." We spent the rest of the day mentally preparing for the one to come. A visitation is one thing while the funeral itself is another. Lannan knee how hard it had already been and he did everything he could to make the best of this awful situation. Dad had stayed in Australia to keep an eye on the house and take care the fur babies and this cactus that I was attempting to grow. He knew just as well as I did that he wasn't ready to step foot in another funeral home. Especially not since mom passed. But Lannan was the knight in shining armor. He was with me every step of the way. And even though at times it became annoying, I was ever so thankful that he chose to be here.

I knew for him it was difficult to just put his life on hold, but he insisted that he be here with me. Kath had offered to come as well, but in the end she knew Lannan had it covered. It felt surreal that after every hardship I had faced, I had a new family to look back on. Click wasn't just click to me. They all stood as an important roll in my life now. Kath was the subtle one. She knew how to keep me leveled. Whereas Brodey and Nathan knew how to elevate the wild side I had in me. Marcus was a fantastic listener and he always seemed to know what to say. Elliot was the loud one. He never did anything without notice. He always made sure I was involved.

Then there was Lannan. The one person who seemed to mold everyone together. He had my heart and everyone knew it. He was loud, outrageous. He yelled and went wild, but he held my hand so gently sometimes it seemed as if he was a different person. Lannan was always the one in the game while it seemed I was on the sidelines. He was so invested in everything he did that it was hard not to fall in love with him. Lan knew how to make someone feel better. It was impossible to be upset around him.

As we sat in the pews it felt as if we were a million miles away. We had fallen back into a comfortable silence when he stood up.

"Would you like to go grab something to eat?" I nodded and we went from there. The rest of the night was filled with laughter and Lannan. By the time we had found ourselves in the hotel bed neither of us were tired.

"So you're telling me you could take on a kangaroo if it fought you?" Lannan chuckled.

"Hell yeah. But I wouldn't like, hurt it though. Kangaroos are so cute." I giggled and snuggled into his left side. After a few seconds I began to feel his heart beating slowly.

"I can hear your heart, Lenny." He wrapped his arm around me and pressed his lips quickly against my forehead.

"It only beats for you, love."