You never realize how many faces you see in a day. You never realize till you're trying to spot your favorite. Searching aimlessly through the crowd, never finding the all too familiar face. That's when you notice all the faces. The emptiness that washes over them. The once chirpy boyfriend that would jump on my bed till I woke up had now became one of those faces. His eyes were now dull and I could tell it was taking everything in him to fake that wonderful smile that I had fallen in love with.

I couldn't imagine how he felt. Hell, I didn't want to know that feeling. Maybe that makes me selfish, or normal, but when it came to this disease, the only part that felt normal to me was sitting on the sidelines. Lannan, however, was head quarterback. Constantly tackling the obstacles that came between him and the touchdown.

Lannan and I had traveled to America for a collaboration with a fellow YouTuber when he became to sick to make the flight home. The first couple weeks we stayed in a local hotel. To my dismay Lannan's blood pressure dropped deathly low and was admitted to the hospital. I sat with him every day, leaving once or twice to grab some food or get some air. I'd been in this position before and I knew what it meant.

I was sat in the chair next to Lan's bed watching the snow fall when he began to stir. He smiled weakly when he saw I was sitting in my normal position.

"Watching the snow, baby?" I nodded and reached for his hand. His eyes locked on the window as we sat in a peaceful silence. "What is gonna happen when I'm gone?" I sighed. He had been wanting to have this conversation for weeks but, being selfish, I knew my heart couldn't handle it so I kept pushing it off. "I want to know."

"Everything will change, Lenny." He looked back over at me. His eyebrow now raised. "Nothing will ever be the same for me. I never expected to fall in love with you. Hell, I never even thought I'd meet you. But I did. You touched my life in a way that no one else ever has. Your fingerprints will always be there. I don't know where my life will go or what I will do." I paused getting choked up on my words. "All I know is that I will spend every day missing you. I will never love anyone the way I've loved you." He smiled once more and grabbed my hand.

"Then wake up." It was my turn to give a look of confusion.

"What?" He chuckled, taking the oxygen mask off.

"Wake up." At his words the room began to fade. Lannan fading with it. Panic filled my body as I immediately reached out for him. But he kept drifting further and further away. Hot tears ran down my face as I stretched my arms as far as they would go. Everything faded to black. And I opened my eyes.

Nikki sat next to me. Her eyes locked fully on a magazine. I looked around quickly. Familiar faces in every direction. Nikki glanced up from her magazine and quickly closed it when she saw the panic written on my face.

"Where's Lannan?" She raises an eyebrow and giggled.

"Sam, what are you talking about?" I quickly pulled out my phone. The texts, pictures, his number was all gone. "Sam." I continued to ignore her questions. "Are you talking about Lannan Eacott?" My eyes widened and I nodded towards her. "Samantha, he's in Australia right now. Remember? Where we're going. I thought you didn't even watch his videos."

That's when it hit me. Lannan wasn't here. It was nothing but a dream. A perfect dream.

*THANK YOU all for reading this! I do have one more planned chapter coming your way but I had to post this so I could feedback on whether to continue this or consider it completed. ALL feedback is welcomed and if I get enough people who want me to continue writing, I will. Let me know what you thought of this chapter!