this book is growing so fast and i'm so happy, i've always wanted to write a book like this that highlights how common mental health is and how it can effect anyone, thank you for 7,000+ reads!!

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A wave of relief washes over me when I see him, I run into his arms immediately feeling comfort and warmth as soon as they're wrapped round me.

It's like that feeling when you get home in the surrounding of your house and the happiness and safety you get from it, he feels like home.

"Darc what's wrong, you're scaring me" His voice is soft as he holds me, he must know how badly I need this because he doesn't move.

"Can you take me home? Please?" I look up at him, his eyes sparkle down into mine.

"Of course" He lets go, taking my hand and opening the passenger door for me. I could of called Ezra, Joseph, mom, Amelia, anyone but I wanted Issac.

I feel relaxed in Issac's company, my breathing gets back to normal slowly as he drives the car and my shaking has stopped.

On the wait for Issac to reach me I'd lost dad as I slowly walked to the other end of the hotel and exited through a different door. I feel bad but I couldn't handle it in there any longer.

Thinking about it unsettles me again. I'm just so angry at him and not just a little bit, it's a burning passion of anger. I have so many questions left unanswered but I can't bring myself to ask him because I know the answers will hurt me even more.

"Thank you for coming to get me" I mumble to Issac after some time. He looks at me for a second before returning his eyes to the road, he smiles.

"Anything for you darling Darcy" He mumbles back, slowly latching his hand to mine, making my stomach feel tingly.

"My dad took me to see his partner Cindy and Adelaide" I say after silence, he knows not to ask me but instead let me talk when I'm ready.

"Shit. Did you know he was taking you to see them?" He raises his eyebrows whilst looking at the road.

"No, he just picked me up from college and took me" I mumble. I wish I had of been prepared because even though I'm not completely okay with dad's new family yet, I still want to make a good impression.

"What happened?" He gently squeezes my hand. "I'm not sure, I just saw her and so many things rushed into my head and it wouldn't stop, nasty things. Then my breathing started and my chest hurt" My voice becomes shakier as I speak.

"Darc, it's okay, I'm here" He gives my hand another squeeze with a smile. All I want to do is crawl into my bed and go back in time before my dad ever stepped foot back into my life.

"Issac, please just get me home" I whisper letting go of his hand, I push my hair off my head as my sweat starts to make it stick to my forehead.

"Darcy it's okay-" I cut him off, "Please take me home" I close my eyes, my chest starting to hurt from heavy breathing again.

I hate this feeling, it feels like I've run miles and my chest is tight, no air is getting inside and I'm shrinking.

I pull my legs up to my chest gripping them in a hug, my knuckles turning white. I can feel the car speeding up and I imagine myself in front of it, like someone is speeding towards me but I'm not moving because I'm ready.

Should of done it properly last time.

I scream and then instantly feel Issac's hand on my arm but I flinch away scared. I cry into my knees hoping to get home and be safe.

I hate feeling like this, when will it stop? Every time this happens I feel like more of me breaks. I thought with help and supportive people around me I'd get better but I'm back feeling like this.

It's a daunting feeling of, what's the point? I can't see a future and I'm tired, so tired that I just want to sit down, lie down, close my eyes and never open them again.

It's hating yourself for feeling like this and not being able to stop it and tears of pain because you're so out of control with everything you're feeling.

You'll never get rid of this.

Issac stops outside my house and I get out, tears stream down my face, I want to scream loudly, to scream everything out until I stop feeling like this.

I see dad's car outside and I panic, I don't want to see him, that's why I ran. I gulp but walk in, I don't want to see or hear anyone.

I run upstairs, the corridors feel suffocating and tight. "Darcy" I hear Ezra, I turn to look at him, he looks sad and worried and so am I.

"It's okay, everything is okay" He slowly walks towards me, tears spill down, "It'll never be okay" I cry weakly.

I try to catch my breath and lean on the wall, I catch a glimpse of a picture of me and dad when I was a baby.

I used to smile at that picture every time I saw it as I walked down this corridor but I'm not smiling now, I'm angry and crying.

I walk over and smash it to the floor screaming before running to the safety of my bedroom and locking the door.

Everything is quiet except for the sound of my crying, I want to be left alone but I know that won't happen, they don't let me stay in here on my own for too long.

I look over to my on suite bathroom, the door has been closed for days. ever since I tried to do what I did. I feel ashamed that I let myself sink that low but it felt like the only escape.

I stand up and walk over to the door. Louise has told me ways to calm down so I decided to try one out before entering.

It's a little game where you inhale for 4 seconds and exhale for 6, I found it hard at the start of the session but now I can do it.

I open the door and look inside, mom has cleaned it, I can smell the chemicals. The floor is shiny but all I can think about are the flashbacks to when I was lying there waiting to die.

The breathing exercises have vanished from my head completely and tears form back down my cheeks, how could I have done that?

I have forgot most of it but seeing it brings it all back. I sit on the closed toilet just staring, caught up in my own thoughts, everything has been cleaned out of here. The only things that are left is shampoo and conditioner.

I hear a rattle of my door, they're trying to pick my lock but I don't care, I want to be alone but at the same time I don't because I'm scared.

I hear footsteps approach and they stop outside the doorframe but I don't look at who it is, my eyes are glued to the floor trying to puzzle together what happened that day.

"Darc-" My dad's voice is panicked, "Leave me alone" I snap, didn't he not get the hint when I ran away from him?

I look up at him, I can practically see the cogs in his head turning thinking of a response, "I'm sorry if I pushed you to far-"

"Leave me alone!" I rage, I don't want to talk to him, I don't want him near me. All these years I wished for this but now he makes my blood boil.

"Please-" I can see in his face, he's hurt but I feel nothing, "How many times do I have to say?! Leave, me, alone!" I stand to my feet, fists tightened beside me.

He walks towards me but I take steps back, "When I came to visit you in hospital you were so happy to see me, what's changed? What have I done?" He raises his eyebrows, leaving a distance between us.

"That's before I found out you left me to start a new, better family!" I shout, I get flustered and hot as I push hair out of my face.

"That's not true" He frowns, "I never left you to make a family, I left because I had to, I couldn't stay here any longer" He avoids eye contact.

"Not even for me? Your daughter?" I look at him, his shoulders slump and his face turns to shame, "I was selfish, I didn't leave for some hidden reason I left because I couldn't handle it all, me and your mom splitting and the thought of you and your brothers coming from a broken home, I couldn't deal with it all" He turns away, shamed.

"It's still a broken home! If you're here or not" I catch his eye making him look at me, "I know-"

"No, I've had enough! How do you think I've handled with feeling unwanted and unloved ever since you left? Not feeling good enough? Wondering why every single day, wondering why you left us? I haven't! I haven't handled it at all but I'm still here whilst you've been off starting a new family leaving me here, destroyed" Tears leak down my cheek.

"Darcy I love you, I always have" He walks over to me, holding my face softly, "I sent presents and birthday cards every year, I sent letters of explanation but they all got sent back to me, I never wanted to leave you, I never wanted to leave any of you but I did because I was selfish and a coward. If I could take it back I would" I notice tears fall down his face, "I never intended to start a new family but, Cindy found me in my time of need" He strokes my hair.

"Adelaide is some much like you" He whispers, "I know you're upset and I'm so sorry" His voice is soft, his face is crumpled with sadness.

I feel my face fall to sadness but my anger won't allow it, "I can't forgive you for leaving, my life has been so painful and confusing since you left me and now I find out you have another daughter, I feel abandoned and re-placed, I just need some time" I slowly remove his hands from my face.

"I would never replace you, I never planned to have more kids but that doesn't mean I don't love Adelaide, or you, I love you both, you're both the biggest blessings, so are your brothers and I regret the day I left, I really do. Seeing what it's done to you has made me realise what I've actually done, and how much I've ruined everything" He signs, sitting on the side of the bath, "But we can work through it, all I want is one more chance to make it up to you" He reaches out and takes my hand.

My mind circles will all sorts, part of me saying yes and the other half no. I should give Dad another change, he deserves a chance to prove himself but am I walking into a trap again? Will he hurt me again?

"Please Darcy, one chance" His eyes stare into mine, full of hope. I nod.

He stands to his feet, "I still need space" I whisper, "I understand that" A small, but sad smile appears.

He pulls me in for a hug and tears start to leak from my eyes. His scent inhaled into my nose and memories flood back like I've gone back in time.

Being back in dad's arms makes me feel safe, even though he's the man whose brought so much pain into my life, his arms make me feel so secure like when I was little.

If I couldn't sleep I'd always run to Dad downstairs watching tv and he'd cuddle me into his arms and I'd fall to sleep. If I had a bad dream I used to run into dad's arms and everything was okay again. If someone was picking on me at school I'd count down the seconds until class was finished and run to Dad and feel safe when he's scoop me into his arms.

I was never apart from Dad when I was little, I adored him. His eyes sparkled whenever he saw me and so did mine, I loved Dad so much because he loved me just as much. I'm not sure If I'll ever get back there, maybe Adelaide will feel all those things and run into dad's arms.

"It's okay" He kisses my forehead, my body drains into his arms. I can remember when I was getting picked on at school and Dad told me not to let them get to me, that their words might be nasty but I was strong because I had a superpower that no one else had and it made me feel special.

I don't feel strong now, I feel weak and hopeless as Dad scoops me up and places me on my bed and wraps the blankets around me.

"You may not think this now but you'll get through this, you'll be okay" He squats down the side of my bed and strokes tears from my cheek.

"I'll be here, I won't leave you, I want to help you every step of the way" He kisses my forehead and strokes my hair. "You'll always be the biggest blessing to me, never forget that, you'll always be my little girl"

For the first time I don't look at him with anger, I just take his hand and feel my eye lids close into darkness.

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thank u so much for reading!! let me know what u think (:

i write this book because i think mental health is so important and everyone needs to be aware of it. i write this book from experience, i don't base darcy as a person off me, she's nothing like i am but her problems and what she feels and deals with is what i have once/do suffer with and writing it out like this helps me, mental health is something everyone should be aware of because anybody can suffer with it & i hope with this book people can see that.

i just wanted to let everyone know that if you suffer with mental health or anything at all my messages are always open, always.

vote if you like!