hiii!! i hope you've all had good days (:

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I couldn't sleep, I haven't had a wink of sleep. Bit extreme. That's what it felt like, after Issac mumbled those 3 words to me I froze. He loves me? Like he's fallen in love with me?!

I feel scared and giddy at the same time but the majority of my whole entire self is freaking out. We've only been together a month and he's already whispering the L word into my ear?

Do I love him? Am I falling in love with him? Am I being selfish if I don't return the feelings? I don't know. I've never loved anyone except for Romeo, whose probably nested next to mom on the sofa with a cup of tea as we speak.

Can't wait to see him later. Off topic. Issac loves me?! I feel faint. This is supposed to be a good thing but instead I'm lying on Ellie's pull out bed with my asleep hungover boyfriend - whose hand is still cemented onto my breast - freaking out because he told me he loves me. This isn't like the movies.

I think the beating of my heart may be waking him up as I feel him stir next to me, his head nested into the back of my neck. "Morning-What-?" His voice is husky, from the corner of my eye I can see his pea shaped head pop up looking over my shoulder at where I'm assuming, his hand is.

"What a glorious morning this is" The smirk is plastered in his voice, his hand makes a squeezing motion making a noise escape my mouth uncontrolled. I slap a hand over my mouth.

He kisses the back of my shoulder giving me shivers, "Issac stop" I try to remain strong minded but it was quickly - rapidly - being wavered.

"You secretly want me to carry on" He whispers against me and my goosebumps make an appearance again. His other hand finds my breast and I've decided, I definitely like it.

"N-No" I ache my back, he's barely doing anything but my body's reaction is out of control, it's only when I feel something poke into my back that I jump up from the bed.

He whines, "Come back" He reaches his arms out. "Not until your friend disappears" I huff.

I still hadn't forgot about what Ellie told me last night. I'm still hurt and that's probably selfish, this is a hard time for Issac but I can't help it.

"Oh" He lifts the sheets and looks down, "Talking about glorious mornings, my morning glory has come out to play" He smirks.

I fold my arms, "What? I can barely handle my urges next to you when sober, how am I supposed to control them when I'm drunk and you're dressed in that?" His eyebrows raise.

"Maybe you shouldn't of got drunk them" I roll my eyes, he looks surprised at my snappy reply.

"Are you actually mad at me for being drunk?" He sits up, he must of stripped before coming into my room because now he's only in his boxers.

"Well why were you drunk in the first place?" I eyeball him, my question quiets him enough to avoid my glare.

"Just a bad day" He shrugs, voice cold. I walk out.

Still can't tell me? What does he think I'm gonna do? Laugh in his face and call him pathetic? No.

I know grief acts in different ways and I know Issac blames himself when it's not but I would of liked to think he'd open up to me, I am his girlfriend after all.

I sigh and head into Ellie's room, I knock gently then enter, I see she's on the phone. It sounds important so I gather my clothes and go into the bathroom.

I slip into my jeans and cropped jumper, refresh my face, flatten my hair putting it into a cute messy bun before leaving the bathroom, "Darcy" Ellie's nervous voice travels from her room.

"Are you okay?" I walk into her room panicked by her voice, she's perched on the end of the bed phone in hand, "Yes, I'm fine" She nods.

"I just called the hospital back, they want me to go for my checkup next week. Will you come with me?" Her brown eyes loom over at me, a little scared look whimpering in them.

"Of course I will" I smile sitting next to her, "They said they're gonna talk to me and then book my 20 week scan in" She mumbles.

"If you want me there, I'll be there" I smile, looking at her fidgeting hands, "Have you told your dad?"

"No, I will soon" She sighs resting her head on my shoulder. "Where's Issac?" She speaks in a quiet voice so he can't hear.

"He's-" I'm about to answer when he's body appears at Ellie's door. "Morning" Ellie smiles. I don't really look at him.

"Morning" He mumbles rubbing his eyes. "How you feeling?" She lifts her head.

"Hungover" He grunts, "I'll make you my special hangover smoothie" She stands up, "Want any breakfast Darc?" She looks back at me.

"No, I'm gonna walk to Ezra's" I stand also grabbing my bag and swinging it over my shoulders, she nods.

"I'll drive you" Issac looks over at me, his eyes are tired. "You're hungover and still intoxicated" I say bluntly.

"Fine, I'll walk you" He huffs, "No it's fine, I can go on my own" I go to push past him but he gently takes my wrist wrapping his hand around it.

"I'm going to walk you if you like it or not, just wait here whilst I have a shower and then we'll go" His eyes looks sad, probably at the rejection of his offer. I nod my head, even though I'm still upset with him.

Me and Ellie go downstairs, Issac to the bathroom. She whips him up a green looking smoothly whilst I sit on the counter.

"Ellie, why didn't he tell me?" I rest my head on the cupboard. "Maybe he's going to, Issac doesn't do well with sharing his information, you have to squeeze it out of him" She shrugs, another stings going through my body. I can't help feel jealous that she knows mostly everything about him.

"Yeah, maybe" I nod, "But I tell - I've told - him everything about what goes on with me" I frown.

"Maybe tell him that you know" She frowns at me, "Tell him that you know what?" Issac comes in, panic running in his voice but he's trying to hide it.

"Nothing" I get down, "I'll see you later" I hug Ellie, she wraps her arms around me with a squeeze. I walk past Issac to the front door, then out the door.

"Wait for me" He runs after me with the green smoothie, I stand and wait for him until he catches up.

"Why you so moody today?" He looks down at me before taking a sip, scrunching his nose up at the taste.

Me? Moody? Is he joking?

"I'm not" I huff trying to hide my frustration.

"You haven't spoken to me all morning" He rolls his eyes, I don't reply.

The walk is silent, some grubby looking men whistle over to me from the wall they are sitting on and Issac glares at them, but they just laugh it off whilst drinking their alcohol substances.

"What scum" Issac mumbles, "They're like 40 whistling at teenage girls" He huffs taking more of his drink.

"What were you gonna do? Fight them?" I raise my eyebrows at him.

"Well it's not my preferred action but I would if I had to, only I can think of you like that" He stares back at them.

"Well you haven't been thinking about me like that recently have you?" I cut under my breath.

He stops in his track, "What's that supposed to mean?" He snaps, I turn around to face him.

"Well you haven't" I look at him, "You've hardly text me, seen me, you've chosen drinking over nights in with me, ignored me & been cold with me" I fold my arms.

"That doesn't mean I don't think about you like that, I think about you all the time" He's hurt by my words, "Finding that quite hard to believe" I avoid his eye.

"Darcy you're the best thing that ever happened to me" He's now standing in front of me, taking my chin and pointing my face so I'm looking into his eyes.

"Then why don't you show me that? I'm not saying you have to shower me with affection every 5 seconds but being distant and cold with me isn't exactly telling me that!" I shout at him, angry.

"You don't understand" He rests his forehead on mine but I rip myself away from him, "What don't I understand Issac?!" My voice has raised, shouting in the middle of the street instead exactly what I planned for today.

He doesn't answer which makes me more angry, "I know exactly what it is Issac, I had to find out from someone else because you couldn't tell me! I know it's nearing the anniversary of Andrews death, why wouldn't you think I understand that?" He flinches at my bluntness.

He still doesn't answer and the rage gets to me, "You know what Issac, fine, you deal with it yourself because that's what you clearly want. I'll leave you to it" I turn around walking away, killing me not to look back.

Tears spring in my eyes I blink them away when my body has a sudden jolt, Issac has stopped me with his hands wrapped around my waist.

"Please don't leave me" His voice sounds weak. I turn around to see remains of a broken person, he looks like he's about to cry and have a panic attack all in one. Fear laced in the creases of his forehead and the look in his eyes.

"Please I'm sorry, I'm so sorry- just please don't leave" His words are flustered and urgent, his lips trembling.

"I won't, I'm right here" I wrap my arms around his neck, my rage disappeared. He's got so much bottled up inside of him, I can feel how tense his body is as I run my hand up and down his back.

He relaxes into me, squeezing me tightly. I would normally complain but it feels good, his grip sends ripples through my body, his warmth radiating into me.

"It's okay" I whisper, we must look like nutters, standing in the street arguing. I can spot a few of the neighbors looking through curtains, I ignore them, "Come on, I'll take you back to mine" I pull away, his face is red like he's holding back tears.

I take his hand and almost have to drag him to my front door, his body is weak and barely moving. No one is home, I take him upstairs to my room.

"Make yourself at home" I smile at him, he doesn't look at me - almost avoiding my gaze and sits down on the end of my bed.

I sit down next to him and he takes my hand again, "I'm sorry" he repeats again.

"Issac" I sigh, "I tell you everything, even down to the smallest of things. I would like to think you feel comfortable enough to do that with me. Have I done something that makes you feel like you can't tell me these things?" His head is hung down in shame like he's embarrassed but his grip on my hand is so tight.

"No" His voice is no more then a whisper, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I don't really know why I didn't tell you" He lifts his head picking his voice up.

"I'm not very good at sharing, I always think people don't care or they'll think I'm soft and stupid" He itches the back of his neck with his free hand.

"Issac this is Andrew we're talking about, I would never think you're stupid" I sit closer to him, "You're one of the strongest people I know" I rest my chin on his shoulder watching his facial features.

"I don't feel it" He sighs, "Sometimes I'm just scared I'll loose you, Andrew suffered like you do and I'm just so scared you'll do what he did" His voice goes quiet again and tears spring in my eyes.

"It was my fault last time, because I had slept with Ellie, my fault again" He stands to his feet, "Why is it always my fault, if I hadn't of been out with my friends he would still be here, if I hadn't of slept with Ellie you wouldn't of done with you did" He scrunches his face up with anger.

"Issac it's not your fault, Andrew was in a difficult place he needed professional help, a different kind of support to what you whandere giving him" I stand, trying to take his hand. "I only did what I did because I was upset, it wasn't your fault, it all got to me" I plead to him.

"You were upset enough to try commit suicide, if I hadn't of pushed you over the edge you wouldn't of done it" He drops my hands, "I'm no good for you"

I stand still, what is he trying to say? "What do you mean?" I mumble, scared of the answer. "I mean you could do so much better then me" He paces around the room avoiding looking at me.

"Is that what you think?" I stare at him, "Don't I get to decide what's good and what's not good for me?"

"You tried to commit suicide because I had sex with Ellie, that doesn't exactly scream good boyfriend material does it?" He shouts making me jump.

"If I didn't want you I wouldn't of said yes to your bread proposal! If anything I'm no good for you" I match my voice with his.

"Who would want a girlfriend like me? I have anxiety attacks and breakdowns all the time, I overthink things and always panic that you're going to leave me everyday, who wants that?" Tears spring over my eyes driving down my cheeks.

Instantly his hands are cupping my face, "I want that, I want all of that" He stares into my eyes, "How can you not see that?"

"It's not easy when you've practically ignored me for the past two weeks and been cold me with" I shout some more, cry some more.

"Because Darcy I fucking love you, don't I" He pulls away rubbing his face with his hands.

Those words again, the L word again, just like last night.

"It's so scary, it's petrifying. I've never loved someone before but every time I look at you I just know, we haven't been together long and I was so scared I'd loose you or scare you away for feeling like this" He looks at me from across the room.

My body feels numb, just those words has sent me into a phase I feel like I'm floating, he loves me? Me? Little old me?

There's a long silence, we just stare at each other and every second that ticks by the more nervous he looks.

I walk towards him until I'm directly in front of him, so close I can feel his warmth. "You don't have to say-"

I place my lips to his, his taste is so intoxicating I just want to swim in it forever, wrapped up in him forever. I want this feeling to last forever.

He looks confused when I slowly pull away, "I love you too" I look up at him and once again, our lips are connected.

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did you enjoy?! i enjoyed writing this chapter! i haven't been that motivated this week but i'm getting back into it, i really don't want this book to drag with to many chapters and no story.

vote if you like!