Am I dreaming? Did Eran just say, "So?" Meaning, 'So what if I kiss him?' Or maybe... he thinks I won't do it... I'm sorry Eran... but every nerve in my body means it.

"Then..." Riley tilted Eran's head upwards by placing his thumb and index finger around Eran's chin. He moved his head closer. "I'm going to kiss you..."

Eran gazed back, glanced away, glanced the other way, then rested his eyes back on Riley.

"I'll probably taste like alcohol." Riley wanted to see how serious Eran was.

Eran didn't twitch and his eyes didn't flicker again. His expression remained serious and relaxed.

Riley moved his face closer slowly, in case Eran changed his mind. I'm being nice. Riley decided any time for regret was over and he softly touched Eran's lips with his own. Each second, he'd push a little more. After quite a few seconds, he pulled away.

He noticed Eran's half closed eyes quickly flicker open. He was closing his eyes! Just that small factor rose Riley's feelings of passion. He kissed Eran again and Eran allowed. Another two times and Eran had closed his eyes and clenched the sides of Riley's shirt. But Riley was noticing something; though Eran was accepting the kisses and beginning to press back, at the same time, he was leaning back and away. Confused by the mixed signals, Riley decided to escalate to open mouthed kisses. Eran had begun to kiss back without hesitancy, though he still pulled and walked; he had been backing them up to the wall—unintentionally or intentionally, Riley couldn't tell. Partially to determine and mostly because of desire, Riley began to slip his tongue between Eran's lips and into his mouth.

At that same time, right before Eran's back touched the wall, Eran pulled back. He put one hand on Riley's arm and the other on Riley's chest, as if ready to push back if Riley tried to move forwards. Eran shifted his eyes, covered them with his forearm, sighed, then slid down the wall. Riley followed and sat down where he was, in front of Eran.

"With an 18-year-old... what am I doing?"

Riley didn't like the topic of their age gap, but he understood how Eran must have been feeling. Even though it's legal, he must still consider me a kid, after all.

"I'm not leaving..." Eran hid his face against his knees. "How could I leave when I'm only ever happy when you're there? Here at home, at the lab, everywhere... I hate that you're not there when I turn around."

Riley was left shocked at this confession, though Eran still wouldn't look at him.

Eran chuckled and continued, "I didn't realize my life was so boring and lonely until you came... The person that I care about most, out of the few people I do, is someone I would never leave. And someone who I won't let leave me." Eran took hold of Riley's shirt again. "So don't worry. Don't do stupid shit like this again. I'd rather not see you than see you stupid-drunk."

Riley, still in awe of Eran's confession answered, "I won't do it again."

"When you can, come here after school. Even if it's just for a moment."

"You're blushing," Riley pointed out.

"Do you want to come to the lab more?"

"I want to be with you." Riley nodded.

"I'll teach you stuff and you have to learn, though, alright?"

"Okay." Riley leaned towards Eran. "Can we continue?"

Eran looked confused for a split second then became obviously embarrassed.

Riley waited patiently as Eran thought silently. A minute later, Eran replied, "Riley, we are 6 years apart in age—"

"5 years and some months."

"You're just finishing high school and I'm starting my Master's."

"But—"

"So, we'll do it when you graduate."

"D-do what? Have sex?"

"...Be together... Become lovers."

"Why?" Riley asked, confused. "I'm not a minor and our gap won't change."

Eran shook his head. "That's not it. You're still in high school. It's a hassle to deal with things if someone found out and/or questioned us."

"We can date in secret and only act like a couple here, when we're alone, right?" H-how drunk am I? Is this really happening?

"Riley." Eran touched his cheek. "Let's talk about this tomorrow. Now really isn't a good time."

Knowing Eran was right, and not knowing how much his intoxicated brain could comprehend at the moment, Riley leaned back.

Eran stood up and held out his hand. "Let's go to sleep."

Is he still going to sleep with me? Eran settled Riley into bed and lay a good ways away from him. Riley held onto Eran's hand from across the bed and was relieved when Eran didn't pull away. He expected to remain excited from the events that had just occurred but instead felt drowsy. Though he wanted to look at Eran's face longer, he felt his eyes close on him.

"I wonder if you'll even remember any of this when you wake up," Eran spoke. Riley wondered if he was falling asleep or passing out.

In the morning, Riley rolled over in bed and opened his eyes. Eran wasn't beside him, but he heard sounds from the kitchen. When he walked into the living room, Eran noticed him.

Riley stopped; he felt there was a strange atmosphere. Ahh... my head is pounding. Eran approached him with a glass of water and an open single dose pack of pain relievers. Riley took the pills, drank the water, and handed it all back to Eran. Without a word, Eran turned away and returned to the kitchen.

Waving off any thoughts or concerns, Riley went into the bathroom.

The bathroom door creaked open as Riley stood beneath the spray of water trying to soothe his head and awaken his mind. He heard Eran place something down then leave, closing the door behind him. Once Riley stepped out of the shower, he noticed fresh clothes (from Riley's own stash) had been placed on the sink counter. Riley put on his clothes, but only after sniffing them.This is the smell of his detergent. He tossed his clothes from the day before into the nearby hamper, blending it with Eran's clothes. Actually, there might already be stuff of mine in there. It's like we're cohabiting.

When he returned to the living room, Eran was putting down plates of sausage and toast.

Riley smiled lightly. "You're like a househusband," he teased while standing close behind Eran.

Eran jumped slightly then turned around. He looked at Riley and reminded, "Huh? Haven't you always been the househusband?"

Riley thought back to the first time they went grocery shopping together. "Ah, that's right..." Riley leaned closer. "Then you can spoil me."

"Aren't you already spoiled enough?"

"Is that possible?"

Eran sighed a chuckle and smiled. Then his expression grew somber. He blinked slowly and looked away. Then, he bit his lip as he stared at Riley. He nearly said something, but then closed his mouth again.

"Why are you flirting?" Am I still dreaming? Riley's expression was serious yet bothered. I like him so much, then he's doing this.

Eran looked surprised. "W-what? I'm not."

Riley felt horrible. Was some higher being messing with him, tempting him like this? Riley felt strangely irritated.

There was a minute of silence before Eran said, "Sit down."

But Riley took Eran's arm to stop him from turning away. Riley decided his best bet was to just try to kiss Eran. But he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"We can continue our conversation from last night later."

Last night... "So it was real."

"Yeah..."

"We kissed."

Eran nodded an affirmative. "I made breakfast, so let's eat it."

Riley looked at the plates. How did he manage not to burn any of it?

Seeming able to read Riley's mind, Eran smiled a bit mischievously. "I picked the best brand from the frozen foods section."

"Cheater."

Eran gave an uncaring glance.

"But I'm really grateful you made us breakfast." Riley gently smiled, looking down.

He then glanced at Eran who had his head turned down and his arm covering his face. Still, his blush showed.

Damn, I really love him. But Riley decided not to say anything, otherwise, he might embarrass Eran more.

After eating, they stood at the sink, Riley washing the dishes and Eran drying them.

Riley broke the silence. "What are you doing today?"

"Hm... Well, I can't stay here..."

"Why not?" Riley demanded.

"If I stay here, I don't know what will happen..."

Is he afraid I'm going to jump him?... Or is he saying he might jump me?!

Eran continued, "We still need to talk, though."

This is bad... This is seriously bad. Riley had a strong sense of foreboding as he sat down across from Eran at the table.

"Last night—"

"I love you." Riley thought that maybe saying those words would make Eran rethink anything negative he had planned to say.

Eran paused, looking conflicted as he rubbed his brow. He took a deep breath. "Last night, do you remember what I said? "

"The confession?"

"After that."

Riley gave a deep frown and swallowed.

"Despite... how we feel..." Eran paused. He looked down then looked back up and continued with more conviction, "We can't be together. "

Riley was speechless.

"Our age gap... We're 6 years apart."

"5 years and some months," Riley muttered, though he knew the correction wouldn't matter.

"Riley... You're 18 and just finishing high school. I'm 24 and getting my Ph.D. I really can't date a teenager. So forget about what happened last night."

I don't understand. If my sex doesn't matter, then why does my age? Does he think I'm immature? "I know I'm not completely mature yet, but... do you really hate me so much that you can't even think one second about us being together?"

Eran shook his head urgently. "I like you. Of course I want to be with you. Of course I want to---" Eran stopped and blushed as he finished, "make love to you. But to do it now is just..."

"Do you like me because I'm young?"

"That's not it," he replied firmly. "Not at all. It's because you're cute and charming, and smart, and just... an amazing person. Your age has nothing to do to with it."

"If my age has nothing to do with it then why does it even matter when it comes to us dating?"

Eran was silent for a while. "I'm still selfish but... don't you think it's better if you live normally? You can find a great girlfriend and—"

"Why would I find a girlfriend when I want you?! I couldn't think about someone else for a second." Hurt and frustrated, Riley felt his eyes become wet. "Is loving you wrong?" He laughed self-deprecatingly. "Are we that unlucky? To love another guy, and to have such a big age gap?" Riley put his head down on the table.

Eran sighed shakily.

"At least for a day." Riley looked up with desperate eyes. "Just... at least for a day... can I love you?"

Eran's lips parted but he stayed silent. Finally, he sighed shakily again.

Is it just me? Is it just me with these feelings? Riley felt his heart slowly crumbling. Blinking away newly forming tears, he tried to calm down. I have to make him understand.