《Arrogance and Erin》Jake
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I sat on the upper deck drinking a beer with my older brother Nathan as the stench of cigarette smoke wafted over. "who the fuck smokes anymore?" he growled standing up "I'm not about to stink like cigarettes Jake, Melanie will cut my head off, accusing me of smoking." He walked back inside shutting the door. I wanted to leave, I knew I should leave, the cigarette was horrible, but something about it reminded me of being a kid. Of course the moment I coughed a bit, I left the deck. I chuckled a bit to myself thinking that would be just the thing Erin would do to piss me off... then again smoking would probably slow down her responding to those fifty million messages she got.
******
"Jake get up." I opened my eyes to see my mom standing there, pulling the curtains open. I freaked out a bit and looked around. Had this all been a dream? Was I still a teenager? "we're all having breakfast together downstairs, us and the Bright's." I calmed down a bit, it wasn't a dream and I was definitely not a teenager. "ok," I muttered and waited for her to leave the room before flipping over in the bed, hoping to catch another twenty minutes of sleep. Unfortunately I forgot how impossible that was as everyone was up and trying to get ready for the day. So I just laid there in bed looking out the window. I'd been stuck in the attic, since Erin got us stopped my the panhandler in her own personal attempt to ruin what was sure to be an already crappy weekend. I sighed wishing I had never met the dark headed demon.
Demon, that's what I sure she was. Her looks were seductive and the way she walked was hypnotizing, there is nothing else that she could be. I mean she rolled down the window when there was a panhandler, he could have had a gun and shot us. Then of course she threatened me with a martini glass, which I guess was the least of her crimes. But she was demon... a demon with a million emails.
I couldn't convince myself to get up, I just wanted to lay in bed all day and do absolutely nothing. It would be a rare day, once in a blue moon, and I felt like I deserved it. I glanced across at the Bright's house, I especially didn't want to dine with a demon. I huffed and then noticed something that was far more intriguing than anything that would happen all day around here. I sat up a bit to make sure I was seeing it correctly. I tilted my head a bit, Erin was walking around in their attic clad in only a thong. I rubbed my eyes a bit, surely not. But there she was walking around, chest completely unsupported. I started wondering who else could see if I could, until I remembered that the attic set back enough that you couldn't even tell the house had an attic unless you were in another attic. I sat up a bit more feeling so smug with myself. Of course I then watched her dump an ashtray onto the shingles. She was the fucking idiot smoking last night. I felt a bit sick to my stomach and she looked a little less sexy, even as she was bending over in front of the windows, her breast bouncing as she tapped the tray on the shingles before pulling it and her arm back inside. Then everything was over as she finished getting dressed.
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******
Every single adult had sunglasses on and either a large Bloody Mary or Corkscrew in their hand as the plates were loaded with bacon, sausage, biscuits, gravy, and potatoes. It physically made me sick to my stomach. I walked back into the kitchen from the connecting backyards and loaded my plate with fruit and a piece or two of bacon. It was amazing these people weren't five hundred pounds. Erin walked in humming a tune as her phone continued to beep and buzz against her skirt's back pocket. "Is your phone ever not ringing?" she nodded "of course, sometimes I lose a signal when I'm on the train to New York." I just stared at her. I felt absolutely disgusted watching her pop a blueberry in her mouth. I bet her breath still smelled of cigarettes. I glanced down at her waist line and had flash backs of some of the models I had met in L.A. who smoked constantly to stay slim. Even if they weren't smoking the air around them reeked of it. She pushed her sunglasses back into her hair as the biscuits and gravy started to cover her plate. She grabbed a coffee mug which kind of surprised me, I don't think coffee had even been a thought on anyone's mind this morning. I couldn't help but watch over my shoulder as she filled it halfway and then reached into her pocket pulling out a flask. I lost all respect for the fucking demon right then and there. Sure the rest of my family and hers were basically living in a booze world out here, but smoking... and secretive smoking, that was the worst part. I almost wished she had walked over here smoking a cigarette, laying all the cards on the table. I started eating away at the fruit on my plate not really feeling the drunkards company for breakfast, but as I glanced at Erin, the smoking demon, I couldn't help but want her company even less than before. I was about to leave when another one of the Bright's stumbled in.
"Jackie I'm surprised you're standing." Erin handed the coffee mug to her "thanks Erin... I think I'm still drunk actually, I mean I drank a whole bottle last night." I stared at the two of them as they laughed, falling into each other. A man walked in and he was not as cheery as them. "Jackie, go back to bed you're embarrassing yourself." I watched as Jackie rolled her eyes and flipped her blonde hair "Fuck off Mike. It's my family." she took both hands and flipped him off until Erin grabbed her hands "Mike, maybe you should go..." he nodded "I'm going alright, I'm leaving. Call me when you're sober Jackie, or better yet, have your lawyer call mine so we can get this done and over with." he walked back out the door and I watched as Jackie lost her confidence and started clinging to Erin. "Okay babe, I think you need some real coffee." Erin whispered taking the coffee mug and dumping the Irish Coffee down the drain, refilling it with a sobering cup of straight up black coffee. I gained a little bit more respect for her and then left the kitchen feeling a bit better about these drunks I call my family.
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"Jakey how are you not hungover?" Elizabeth, my favorite sister cooed, heavily relying on the corkscrew in her hand to keep her upright. "I had one beer." she frowned "we are WASPs Jake, you are destroying your heritage by not participating in the excessive drinking that is expected on the cape." I laughed a bit biting a piece of bacon. "I'll pass, the rest of you are drinking enough for me... and everyone else." she sighed "you've never been quite right in the head Jake." I smiled at her "you can't guilt me into drinking Lizzy," she frowned "it used to work when we were teenagers." I felt her get kicked under the table by Nathan who nodded at our Mom sitting towards the end of the picnic table. "oh fuck," she whispered into her screwdriver.
********
A group of people walked past me and I could hear the buzzing and beeping of Erin's phone as she moved along with them. What was the point of having it on if you weren't going to respond?
"No, you guys go on, I need to work a bit." She called after them and I watched through my sunglasses as she sat down on a blanket under an umbrella a few feet away from where I was laying. I'm going to fucking lose it if her phone continues.
I tried to remove all thoughts of Erin as I laid there in the sand, letting my back and all muscles settle in, finding comfort in the weight of the sand as I dug my legs and arms in a bit deeper. I shut my eyes and focused solely on the sound of the ocean. It was actually peaceful and I was starting to enjoy it, even the squawking seagulls were soothing and a welcomed noise. Then her phone went off. I'll give her this, it was a different sound. It quickly stopped and I thought I could fall back into my happy little state. Then she started talking rapidly in some other language before switching to English.
"Yeah I'm not happy with you, we opened the roll and it was unacceptable, completely unusable. So now we're stalled for another three weeks until you correct your mistake and send us the fabric without there being a giant break in the pattern... it's not 1982, we can't just work around it." I started snickering at that ridiculous line it's not 1982. What does that even mean? "well fix it, you screwed up not me, and if we can't work things out I'll have to call your competitor and from now only order from them." there was a pause before a big thank you and she hung up. I opened one eye and watched her sit there, drawing away without a care in the world.
"Uncle Jake!" Micky yelled racing over to me, falling right on my chest. "Hey kid" I ruffled up his hair as the five year old laid across my chest rolling around "what are you doing?" the five year old ignored me and wriggled around smiling. "come to the water!" he finally said, slapping my chest "ow!" I reached up and grabbed him, jumping up on my feet, running towards the ocean. He was shrieking as I ran right into the freezing cold water. I wanted to scream fuck but thought better with my five year old nephew in my hands. I dropped down and we both went completely under the water before I pulled him up. He started laughing hysterically, beating on my chest shouting "more! more! more!" I felt a bit guilty being here with my Nephew when... well I guess it doesn't matter right now. I dunked him under and then spun around, letting him fly and the salt water sprayed me in the face as our skin baked under the sun.
*******
I was completely covered in sand from head to toe as I laid back down for a minute. That minute turned into an hour and removing the sand from my body seemed an even more daunting task. I sat up and knew I had to go back in the ocean to even start to remove the sand but I happened to glance over at my brother John and his fiancé as they tried to wipe the sand off their bodies. A part of me longed for that. Someone to get all sandy with and then attempt to get rid of it, falling on each other in the ocean as the waves crashed against us. Someone to sit next to at the beach bonfire and smell the smoky salt water mixture stuck in their hair and on their skin. That smell always made you wonder if it would ever go away, and once it started to a part of you longed for that smell to come back like an old summer friend.
I glanced over at the napping Erin, her phone had been relatively quiet, and I almost wondered if she had died, it seemed like the only logical explanation for the silence. When she slept she didn't seem like such a threat, like such a smoking demon. For a moment I saw her sitting next to me at the beach bonfires, I saw her dragging me into the ocean, laughing in the same way that she had with Jackie in the kitchen. I wondered if the smoky salt water smell would be the same on her and what it would be like to wake up next to her... in a bed, or on the beach... anywhere really. Then her phone went off.
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