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[anya]

-

"what's all this?" i grin softly, putting down my book and sitting up in bed, placing my hand on my bump, as shawn walks in, clutching a wooden tray in his hands.

"brunch, for my two favourite girls," he says, making my heart flutter, whilst he smirks, taking a seat next to me, leaning back on the headboard, placing the tray on my lap.

"hash browns and avocado toast?" i burst, immediately craving the salty, savoury and creamy flavours. "and coffee? oh my god, i adore you."

"i knew it would put a smile on your face," he says, nudging my arm lightly. "this bed is so uncomfortable, why haven't you said anything?"

"shawn, it's fine," i chuckle softly. "it's not too bad, more comfy than my bed back in my old place."

"you're moving to my room, i don't care. i want you and avery to be comfortable," he says firmly. "you're not sleeping here."

"where will you sleep?"

"here, or the couch. either one," he shrugs. "you're taking my bed. that's final."

"but-"

"nope-"

"shawn-"

"nope-"

"but-"

"i said no. no buts. no 'shawn'. no anything. you're getting the comfy bed," he says firmly, making me sigh, before a chuckle leaves my lips.

"but i feel guilty," i say softly, taking a bite into the toast. "you're already doing so much for me, and-"

"stop," he chuckles, looking down at me. "you're the mother of my child. of course i'm gonna go over and beyond for you. i'm gonna make sure everything goes perfect, i promise."

"i missed this," i admit, leaning my head onto shawns shoulder.

"missed what?" shawn asks, hooking his arm around my shoulders, as i sigh softly, placing the tray down, away from my lap.

"us. just us getting along. i didn't realise how much i missed it until we started talking again," i say gently, feeling shawn tense up next to me. "i know it's a touchy subject for the both of us, but i'm really glad we're getting along again."

"me too," he says softly. "i really wish i wasn't so much of a dick before. i fucked it up between us, i'm sorry."

"why?" i ask, sitting up again. "don't blame yourself, hunny."

"eh," he shrugs, looking down at his lap, his cheeks tinted a soft pink. "i did the majority of it."

"shawn, no," i say softly, moving the tray away and sitting up straighter, turning my body to face him. "what happened, happened. we can't dwell on it, and we most certainly can't keep blaming each other or ourselves about it. yeah, when i found out about what you said to jason i was pissed, and i felt betrayed, but it's okay. the more i think about it, the more i realise i don't care."

"i'm so sorry about what i said to him, i just-" he cuts himself off with a sigh. "i was going through a hard time. i shouldn't have taken it out on you. everything seemed to be going well for you, and it was all going to shit for me. i'm sorry."

"it's okay," i say softly to him, as he sighs, moving his hand to my bump, running his fingertips over it. "she's gonna start moving in a bit now," i say, earning a small chuckle from shawn.

"i really can't wait till she's here," he says slowly, making my heart flutter, whilst i feel avery move around slightly, responding to shawns contact. "i know we're young, and i know she's a little bit of a surprise, but i really can't wait till she's here."

"me too," i mumble, as he grins, leaning down and resting his head over my lap, his hand still rubbing my bump. "when are you leaving for europe?"

"next week," he sighs softly. "it's okay, i'll be back in a couple months."

"i know, i know," i mumble. "i'm just a little worried. you're gonna be in another time zone and what if-"

"nothing's gonna happen if i'm not here," he says. "i won't let anything happen without me being there. plus, she's due in may. may. i'll be home in april. and you'll be staying here. you can call your mum, my mum, anyone bubs."

"bubs?"

"yeah bubs. and don't change the subject on my deep advice," he says, making me laugh. "okay, we're going out for lunch today."

"we are?" i ask, as shawn sits up, sitting cross legged in front of me. "why?"

"because i want to treat you to lunch," he grins. "listen, go get ready, freshen up a little, and we can head out for some food later, yeah?"

"okay," i nod, my cheeks flushing softly. shawn smiles at me again, before standing up from the bed, grabbing the tray, and walking out of the bedroom. he walks back in after a second, grinning wildly at me.

"oh by the way," he says, a mischievous glint in his eye. "it's a date."

-

"shawn, i look so fat," i groan, turning to the side, looking at my reflection in the mirror on the wall, seeing my coat only just being able to tie around my waist, and my t-shirt, which used to be long when i wasn't pregnant, not even covering my whole bump, exposing a little bit of the leggings i managed to get on.

"hunny, you're pregnant, not fat," he chuckles, walking up to me, and undoing my coat, slipping it off of my shoulders, and instead grabbing one of his tommy hilfiger hoodies, and sliding it over my head. "better?"

"much," i sigh, breathing in the light scent of cologne that's enveloped into the fabric. "thanks shawn, i need to go shopping."

"we can go after lunch," he suggests, picking up his car keys.

"why are we taking your car? let's walk," i say, taking the keys out of his hand and putting them back in the little tray next to the front door.

"but if you want to go shopping-"

"not crazy shopping, only a few things to last me a couple days whilst i order the rest," i giggle, placing my hand on his arm. "it's fine."

"okay," he chuckles. "right, come on, let's go."

"a date, right?" i ask, whilst we walk out of the condo, shawn locking the door behind him. i see his cheeks flush pink as he nods his head.

"a date. lunch. a date," he says, making a small smile come over my lips. "you're cool with that, right?"

"a date with my baby daddy? of course i am," i tease, nudging his arm gently. "besides, if we're on a date, i get to do this," i grin, slipping my hand into his.

"god damn, you are something else all together," he says, squeezing my hand gently.

"a good something else or a bad something else?" i ask, stepping into the open elevator.

"definitely a good something else," shawn says softly, looking down at me, his eyes going soft and gentle. "you make me go crazy."

"in a bad way cra-"

"a good way crazy," he cuts me off, sending me a small smile. "i fully can't wait till avery's here. thank you for everything."

"takes two to tango," i say, making him chuckle slightly. "can we get mexican for lunch? oh, and ice cream with rice?"

"what?"

"i don't know, i just really want ice cream and rice," i shrug, the combination sounding weirdly tempting for me. "it's probably cravings, it's fine if we don't-"

"no, i'm getting you your ice cream and rice whether you like it or not. you're craving something? i will go out of my way to get it for you. that's a promise," he says firmly. "i want you to be completely comfortable from now until avery's three years old." he confirms, making my heart flutter with happiness.

"three years old?" i ask, chuckling softly.

"yeah. i read something about how parent attachment is important for kids until they're three, so i'm gonna make sure both my girls are comfortable for however long they like," he shrugs, like it's the easiest thing in the world.

then it hits me. i knew shawn and i weren't exactly just friends, and i knew we weren't exactly dating. we were in an awkward stage, and what makes it even more awkward, is that we have a child in between us. i know for a fact that if someone better comes along, shawn might just leave, or vice versa, i might leave if someone better comes along. i can't predict what's going to happen between shawn and i, and neither can he. it's just something we have to learn and adapt to, no matter how hard it could be.

maybe shawn was just saying all of this because of avery; of course he was. we wouldn't even be back to talking to each other if it wasn't for the baby in my uterus. i don't even think we would be in the same room without wanting to kill each other, if it wasn't for the baby.

and that's scary. it terrifies me to think that if avery wasn't about to be welcomed into the world, shawn and i would still be in a never ending cycle of hatred. over the past few months, i've learnt to care about him more than i ever would've, even when we were close friends, and i don't want that to suddenly disappear.

what if avery doesn't make the whole nine months? what if something happens to me whilst i'm pregnant? what if shawn finds someone on tour? what if i find someone while shawns on tour?

i can't guarantee anything right now, and that's frightening.

but what's even more scary is that i know, deep down, shawns only looking at me differently because of our baby. 'my girls' is only something he's saying because of the baby, not because of me.

maybe this was more complicated that i thought it was going to be.