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[anya]

-

"oakland how are we doing?" shawn yells from the stage, his voice echoing around the backstage area, making chills run down my spine, and make avery immediately perk her head up from her carrier.

"she's really a daddy's girl, huh?" andrew says from next to me, laughing lightly. "by the way, i managed to get you three a suite, so you know, you have more space."

"thanks so much gerty," i sigh gently, leaning down and picking avery up out of her carrier. "how longs left?"

"two songs?" andrew says, looking at his phone. "it better be, i'm bored too. wanna get out of here and have a nice long drink."

"i wish," i grin, looking down at avery, who immediately begins to move about in my arms, getting excited after her nap, well, more like an hour of sleep, since today was making her more excited than anything, even though she's already used to tour. "this little one still relies on me to feed her though."

avery blinks up at me, letting out a long grunt, making me laugh softly, before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"right, we're going on a little walk," i decide, easing myself up from the couch, and stretching my legs out slightly, whilst holding a very excited avery in my arms. "yeah bubba? you wanna go on a walk? go see daddy after he comes off stage? yeah?" avery giggles softly, before turning her head to look at andrew, and giggling all over again.

"okay avery, i'm not that funny," andrew teases, standing up himself. "if i don't see you guys today again, see you tomorrow, sleep well."

"you too gerty, drink something for the both of us," i chuckle, turning around and walking out of the dressing room, avery looking around the new environment.

"where should we wait, my love? you wanna go say hi to daddy as soon as he gets off stage? or wait till he runs back to where everyone else is?" i ask the clueless baby in my arms, who's probably more excited about the sticker on her stomach, saying that she's got all access backstage. "how about see him as soon as he gets off? will that be fun?" avery looks at me again, her massive red headphones surrounding most of her head, which is hilarious to me, but probably even more exciting for her.

i chuckle to myself again, shaking my head, before following the signs to the main door to backstage, which leads straight to the main arena; and which is also the door shawn takes to leave the stage.

he was just reaching the end of in my blood, so i knew the show was going to be over shortly, somehow making avery more excited than anything.

"-thank you so much oakland! i love you, goodnight!" with that final wish, i vaguely make out shawn running off of the steps of the stage, heading straight to the doors we're waiting by, being followed eagerly by a running connor with his camera, and surrounded by security guards.

the doors open loudly, as shawn quickly rushes inside, breathing heavily, a coating of sweat lining his skin, making him look more gorgeous than anything.

it's killing me i haven't even touched him for weeks.

"hi baby!" shawn grins, flicking his earpieces out, and reaching out for avery, taking her carefully out of my arms; the smile on avery's face, and the smile on shawns face being enough for me to feel settled and happy, even though it's probably selfish for me to even feel happy right now. "you and mommy had fun whilst i was gone? you went on a walk? and you saw loads of people? wow ave, i'm jealous. did you make sure mommy was okay? yeah? good girl."

just that last comment on its own made my heart flutter.

"is her stuff in the room?" shawn asks me, kissing avery's cheek gently, bouncing her in his arms. i nod my head, pushing out a small smile. "okay, i'll sort her out."

"thank you," i sigh in relief, my eyes feeling tired and my body wanting nothing more than to curl up in a fluffy duvet.

"go to the hotel, you look exhausted," shawn says sadly to me, frowning slightly. "i'll be fine on my own with her. promise i'll keep her safe."

"are you sure?" i ask, my voice going slightly high pitched.

"yeah, we'll be fine," he reassures me. "see you later."

"yeah," i nod. "see you." i push out a smaller smile, before turning around and walking in the opposite direction, wanting nothing more than to go back to the hotel and sleep.

glumly, i trudge to the main area of leaving backstage, seeing everyone rushing about to get a taxi or an uber back to wherever they're staying. i pull my phone out of my pocket, quickly finding an uber to pick me up from here.

my uber arrives after a few minutes, and i eagerly jump into the car, wanting to escape from the arena, and partly from shawn, since i still feel too awkward around him to even function.

as soon as i get to the hotel, i immediately rush into the bedroom, taking off my clothes from the day, and changing into an old t-shirt and shorts. i go into the bathroom, taking off my makeup and brushing my teeth, before lazily turning the lights off and walking back into the bedroom.

the little click of the door makes my head turn immediately away from the television, seeing shawn walk in, holding avery's baby carrier and her changing bag. shawn puts the bag down, followed by the carrier, before gently leaning down and picking avery up, walking to the crib next to the bed.

"fast asleep," shawn chuckles softly to me, laying her down ever so gently into her small bed, placing the yellow blanket she loves more than anything over her little sleeping figure. "as soon as we got to the dressing room she fell asleep."

"who knows? we might get a full night of sleep," i say jokingly, as shawn sighs, nodding, sitting down on his side of the bed, leaning his back against the leather headboard.

"tonight was amazing," he finally comes out with, turning his head to look down at me. "the energy was just-just crazy."

"it sure sounded like it was," i say softly. "when i say i could hear every single word of them singing, i mean it."

"m'so glad it's a rest day tomorrow, gonna spend the day just with you guys," he says softly, making my heart melt. i feel my gaze soften at him lightly, as he swings his legs over the side of the bed. "right, gotta shower and get ready for bed."

"are you hungry? i can get some room service," i say gently, sitting up under the covers.

"i'm fine, just get some sleep," he says back to me, sending me a small smile.

"shawn," i sigh, my voice going soft. "you haven't eaten anything since before the q&a." he visibly drops his shoulders, his smile turning into a neutral expression.

"anya i'm fine i-"

"i'm gonna order a pizza okay? you don't have to eat anything if you don't want to, but if you do, you'll at least have something filling," i say to him, leaning over and picking up the menu on the bedside table.

"this world doesn't deserve you," shawn whispers to himself, probably thinking i didn't hear him, as he slowly walks to the bathroom, a small chuckle leaving his lips, as he shakes his head lightly.

i couldn't help the massive grin that stretched from ear to ear across my face.

-

shawn leans back on the bed, letting a heavy sigh tumble from his puffy lips, probably slightly tingly from the amount of tabasco he smothered on his slices of pizza. he was definitely starving tonight, and that showed with him pretty much completely finishing the fourteen inch pizza, with the exception of one slice that i devoured, just because i simply couldn't resist the cheesy glutinous goodness.

he lets a small laugh softly fall, as he leans one arm behind his head, looking straight at me.

"you truly know me better than anyone in the whole world," he speaks gently, making my stomach full with butterflies, and then flip with nothing but love. "holy fuck, i was starving."

"i could hear your stomach, shawn," i say jokingly, leaning up on one of my elbows, as he reaches forward, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear, making my breath get caught up at my throat.

he made me feel things no one else could make me feel.

"mhm, my girl knows when i'm hungry," he whispers lowly, a deep chuckle erupting quietly, my heart leaping in response. his girl. "mine."

"yours always," i whisper back, making shawn immediately lean forward slightly. "shawn-"

"shh," he whispers. "don't want to wake ave up," i let a small giggle leave my lips, as he smirks, his slightly pizza smelling, yet still sweet and minty breath fanning my face, the sticky dark light running over his shiny shirtless torso, defining his muscles even more than they already are.

"just shut up and kiss me already," i mutter, before leaning forward and crashing my lips onto his, feeling his big hands race down my sides and grasp onto my waist.

"fuck, anya," he whispers softly against my lips, pulling away just to scan over my face with his eyes. "fuck," he mutters, immediately kissing me again, hoisting me up onto his lap, my legs straddled across him, my hands coming to rest over his smooth shoulders.

"god shawn," i groan, lifting my neck back as he traces his lips down my skin, stopping every so often to suck at the sensitive skin lightly, leaving marks which probably weren't going to leave for a few days at least. "i need you."

"i need you baby," he mumbles against my skin, moving his lips back up to mine. "need you so bad," he lifts me up effortlessly, walking away from the bed, and out of the bedroom part of the suite into the lounge.

"what-"

"avery," shawn answers quickly, before planting his lips back onto mine, laying me down gently on the couch, his body hovering over mine. "gonna make you feel so good darling."

"oh god," i moan, feeling him press his fingertips into my sides gently, his tongue toying with my bottom lip, his teeth lightly grazing the sensitive skin over my lips. "please shawn."

"anything for you baby," he mumbles, pushing the material of my t-shirt up, his bare hands warming up my skin.

my mind was killing me for giving into him so easily, but my heart craved his touch, and i was finally getting it.

-

i woke up a lot later than anticipated; after not hearing avery cry, and not feeling shawn beside me, i felt confused. i knew avery was probably with shawn, but i had no idea why i stayed asleep, and didn't wake up through any noise of her crying, and him moving about.

"shawn?" i call, sliding out of bed and pulling a hoodie over my torso, lightly walking along the cool floorboards, cracking open the door to the lounge, seeing shawn bouncing avery in his lap, her very small body compared to his hands bouncing up and down, her feet hitting shawns thighs, little giggles leaving her cute lips.

"hey look bubba, mamas here," shawn coos, bringing avery into his arms, as she turns her head, sending me a toothless smile, along with a loud gurgle. "you missed mommy, didn't you gorgeous? so did i."

i was over to shawn and avery, sitting down next to shawn, leaning my head on his bicep, my eyes squinting at the sudden intake of light from the dimly lit bedroom to the very much brighter lounge.

"hey love," shawn says warmly, leaning down and kissing my forehead. "how you feeling?"

"little sore," i push out a small chuckle, my cheeks flushing red. "but good," i finalise. "what about you?"

"so much better," he agrees with a hum, avery raising her palm to my face, touching my chin before making grabby hands at me. i smile immediately, leaning over and taking avery out of shawns arms, nestling her close to me in a warm cuddle.

"i wanna take you out tonight, properly. not like that dodgy thai place, and we could bring avery with us this time," shawn decides, linking his arm around my waist, pulling me close to his side. "but it's gonna be a surprise for you, m'gonna keep it secret and take avery with me so she doesn't blab. you're gonna have to stay with brian and connor or alessia."

"oh yeah? avery blab?" i giggle. "she can't even talk yet, don't think she'll spill the surprise."

"let me dream woman," shawn teases, kissing my forehead again. "how does that sound though? dinner at 6?"

"sounds perfect."

if only i knew.