I laugh in spite of myself at the five boys of SHINee struggling to get their baby, Yoogeun, ready for his trip to the doctor's office. Though I never did get to finish that episode of Boyfriend's Hello Baby from some time ago, I've found equal joy in watching old reruns of SHINee's. As my right hand toys with a pencil that's coupled with my trusty notebook, my left twists my hair absentmindedly through its fingers. Two days ago, I dyed the ends of my hair teal, and I'm really liking it. As I passively play with the blue-green fringe, my legs sprawl out over the other end of the couch, leaving me stretched out to an almost impossible degree. I am immensely comfortable and have no desire to move. On the table before me sits a glass of lemonade, half of which has already been consumed. This is the perfect way to spend a Saturday.

Although I'm having a wonderful time doing absolutely nothing this fine morning, I know that I do have some work to do. The pencil that rests in my hand is a constant reminder that I still need to be working on new music, but nothing's coming to me. I've been in a creative slump since last week when I went over to Yoongi's dorm. I doubt there's any correlation between the two things, but it still holds true that I haven't gotten any work done since I was over there. I have no idea how Yoongi manages to compose in that environment. I've got immense respect for him.

I sigh and sit forward, taking another long sip of the now only moderately cold beverage before me. For the life of me, I cannot think of a single witty lyric, a single clever topic, a single potential rhythm. I need some inspiration.

As the episode of Hello Baby ends, I rise from the couch and turn off the TV, making my way up to my bedroom where my laptop sits on my bed, the charging cord running haphazardly across the room to reach it. Unlocking the computer, I do the only thing I can think to do. I type "Bangtan Sonyeondan" into the search engine and am almost immediately met with news articles, photo shoots, and — most importantly — music videos. I click on the first one to come up, that being the I Need U MV. I note that in the suggestion bar is another video labeled "Original Ver." and decide that's likely the better option to watch. I want the authentic experience, after all. So, I click to that video instead, and I'm absolutely blown away.

The first thing I have to take note of is that all seven of the boys look positively fantastic. Somehow I'd missed that Yoongi had pink hair once, and I immediately regret not being around to tease him for it when he had it. It really does suit him, though. It seems Min Yoongi really can pull off anything.

The more I watch, the more enthralled I become. The opening of the song begins with Yoongi's verse, and I smile upon hearing it. That drawn-out style he made his own back in his underground days has yet to leave him. I just keep watching. Every single shot of the video is a masterpiece, and the song is beyond powerful. I can practically see many an ARMY shedding tears upon watching it for the first time. It nearly brings me to tears with just how happy the sad song makes me. I can't stop from there, so I look up the album that I Need U is a title track to and listen to the whole thing, start to finish. The album intro has me mesmerized the moment I hear it. Every word Yoongi utters is practically holy. It's amazing to see how much he's grown as an artist.

Thinking of how much Yoongi's grown brings me down a bit, though. I haven't changed much since me and Yoongi went our separate ways. My music has gotten a bit better in quality, and my live shows have certainly improved, but it's nothing compared to the huge jump in skill level I see between Gloss and Suga. For the most part, Silver's still the same. I can't help but wonder if I could ever be that good; if I could grow as much as Yoongi did. Maybe I could—

No, who am I kidding? Yoongi got so much better as an artist because he trained, and that's something I'd never do. We took different routes, and one of us is doing better than the other. I'm too old to start training now, even if I did want to do it. Since four years ago when I was so against it, so closed-minded to the idea, I've changed, and so has Yoongi. We aren't the same as we once were, at least not as people.

That's it. With that single thought, I find my inspiration. Snatching my notebook and pencil from where they rest beside me, I start to write. My writing hand can barely keep up with my thoughts. The song seems to spill out of me like water through a broken dam: constant and roaring. Yes, we've both changed, but that's what makes us human. People are allowed to change, and it's for the better that Yoongi and I can now see things differently. We aren't the arrogant kids we once were. The world is going to keep moving around us, and it's up to us to either reject or accept that. We can either think the world revolves around us or just let our actions move as the world moves. Yoongi and I have finally matured enough to realize that we aren't the world and that we need to slow down and enjoy the lives we're living because the world won't brake for us.

I finish this song faster than any I've done before. When I'm finished with the lyrics I focus on doing some of the production myself. It's been a long time since I've worked on producing my own tracks, mainly because I'm just not good enough with the software necessary. This time, though, I feel it's up to me to produce this one. The lyrics practically beg me to produce them, and so I must. I toy with the production for four hours, experimenting with different types of backbeats and getting comfortable with the software I'm using. By the time I have something passable, it's two in the afternoon.

Right now, all I want is Yoongi's opinion on this track. I grab my phone almost unconsciously and dial his number, praying he's not doing anything I'll be interrupting.

One ring, two, and then he picks up halfway through ring three.

"Rin, hey," he says warmly. "What's going on?"

"I've been working on a track today," I explain. "And I was wondering if you'd like to listen to it?" The request comes out shaky, but I guess that's understandable. Only now am I realizing how terrifying this might be if Yoongi doesn't like it. A feeling of déjà vu begins to settle over me.

"I'd love to!" Yoongi exclaims. "It's been forever since I've heard a demo from you. Yeah, when do you want me to listen to it?"

"Well, if you're busy I can just send it to you, but—"

"No, no!" He interrupts quickly, then has to calm himself down. "Sorry about that, I didn't mean to interrupt you. I'd just like to hear it in person, is all."

"O– Okay," I manage. "So, uh, when?"

"It's been awhile since we've hung out, yeah?"

"Around a week, yeah."

"Okay, well, the rest of the guys and I are heading to a photo shoot in a few minutes. It might not be the most fun thing to watch, but would you like to tag along? That's the last schedule I have today, so I can stop by your place after we're finished and listen to the track then. Does that sound all right?"

"Yeah, I'd like that," I respond. "I'm sure I'll have an absolute blast watching people take pictures of you."

"I hear that sarcasm and I don't appreciate it, Miss."

"Yoongi, do you even know me at all? I'm always at least fifty percent sarcasm."

"This is true," he laughs. "Right, so we've gotta get going soon, but we can pick you up. What's your address?"

I tell him the house number and street name slowly, a smile spreading across my face as I do so. I'm really excited to be out and about with all of Bangtan again. Even though some of the members are a bit crazier than others, being with all of them last week was still an amazing time, and one I'd be glad to take part in again.

Yoongi tells me he'll be leaving in ten minutes, and to be ready in twenty, then hangs up. Immediately after hanging up the phone I realize that I am going to be severely underdressed going to a real-life photo shoot with real-life celebrities. No matter what I wear or look like, I won't compare, but I at least want to try and fit in. I start rummaging through my closet, hoping to find something suitable for the occasion. In the back of the closet, on the hanger farthest away from the door and my sight, I find the dress I need. It's a black skater dress with a mesh neckline that I haven't worn in years. I'd nearly forgotten that I even ever owned it at all. I pull the dress free from its hanger and rummage around for shoes next. I stumble upon a pair of high heels, teal to match the color of my newly dyed hair. Those will have to do, it seems.

I hurry into the bathroom to change and do my makeup. Checking the time on my phone, I've got fifteen minutes before Yoongi will be here, and I need to be ready by then. I cannot keep him waiting, or he and the boys might get in serious trouble.

As I'm working on my eyeliner, my phone rings from beside me. I answer the call and put it on speaker, not even bothering to look at who it was that called me. I mean, it can only be Yoongi, right?

Wrong.

"Hey, Rin-ah, where are you?"

My breath catches in my throat at the sound of Juyoung's voice. I totally forgot that I was supposed to grab lunch with him today.

"Hi, Juyoung," I say tentatively. Guilt starts seeping into me as I finish up my eyeliner. "Sorry, I totally forgot we had plans."

"Oh, it's alright," Juyoung reassures. "Do you want to just come to the restaurant now, then? It's not like I'm going to care if you're late."

"Yeah, about that..." I trail off, feeling terrible. I already dolled myself up for this photo shoot, and I really need Yoongi to listen to this track. I can't cancel on him now, even though I feel absolutely awful for standing Juyoung up.

"Look, I forgot we had plans and now I've got something else I'm doing. God, Juyoung, I feel awful. I absolutely did not mean for this to happen; I'm really sorry. I just can't make it."

"Oh, it's okay, Rin," Juyoung says comfortingly. "I've done that to you before, remember?"

It's true. Juyoung stood me up around two years ago when I was working on my first mixtape. I wanted him to come work on some tracks with me, but he ended up in Busan at a rave instead, having totally forgotten about our plans. That puts my mind at ease a little, at least.

"Yeah, I remember," I say with a small laugh.

"So this is just paying me back," he says. "It's seriously not a problem, Rin-ah. Have fun, okay? I'll see you around."

"Right, I will. And I'll make this up to you, I promise. See ya, Juyoung," I close and end the call, still feeling bad, but not as much as I had before. At least he's not too upset.

Standing with a sigh, I head downstairs. Yoongi will be here in just a few minutes.

☽☼☾

guess who's back, back again (and early in the day this time)?

it's me. the answer is me.

hey, so i've actually got time to do some stuff today, so i might be able to get a reflection update out later today. let's hope, yeah? i've left that thing untouched for too long.

anyway, if you liked this chapter, feel free to vote and tell me why! if you didn't like it, tell me why! i'm always down for constructive criticism.

thanks, and blood sweat and tears screwed us all up, right?

sam

☽☼☾