( if this triggers you, please skip this chapter )

it was wrong, it was really wrong. But i got so addicted to it and continued to do it. I didn't tell my family that i did it because i would be judged and it would be turned into a lecture rather then reassurance and comfort. But i had to tell someone.

It was hard to stop, i've tried, the longest time i've been clean for is 3 weeks, but stress and anxiety started to build up again and I turned to harming myself as a coping mechanism. It was bad, but it couldn't be stopped.

My friends, Finney and Gwen, didn't know about it and my boyfriend, Robin Arellano doesn't either. I was planning on telling Robin because he was the one i trusted most. Before he was my boyfriend, he was my best friend, which is amazing...

I grabbed the phone and dialed Robin's number in. "Hey who is this?" I heard Robins voice through the phone, i sighed shakily. "Hey Robin..its Y/n, do you think you could come over?" I asked and he replied right away. "Yeah sure, are you okay?" He questioned. "I'll explain when you get here" I didnt let him reply, i just hung up the phone.

I gotta admit, i was scared to tell him...absolutely petrified. But i knew i'd get some comfort from him, and knowing that made me feel a lot better.

About 10 minutes later, Robin arrived. I sat him down on the couch and i sat beside him. "Soo..why did you want me to come over?" He asked. I played with my fingers, looking down. "I needed to tell you something..." I muttered and i felt his hand on my thigh. "Hey, look at me.." i did what he said and he had a soft smile placed on his lips.

"You can tell me anything, okay? Unless..you killed someone?" He teased and i laughed a little. "I haven't killed somebody" I chuckled and he smiled and nodded. "Take your time, okay?" He spoke. I nodded and i sighed heavily.

"I've been...self harming..for about 6 months. I tried to stop but the furthest i got to was 3 weeks. I was gonna tell you but i was scared you'd be mad but i then realised you wouldn't but i don't know, I wanted to tell you cause i trust you the most" in the middle of my explanation, I began crying. I was scared about how he'd react. What he would say. I was nervous..

I let out shaking, short breaths, waiting for Robin's response. "Y/n...you know i'd never get mad at you about something like this, baby. Im so sorry you've had to deal with it alone, come here..." he took me into his arms and thats where i broke down completely. I felt his hand rubbing my back, i heard him hushing me gently as if i was a baby. But i loved it...the feeling of someone actually caring, i needed this. I wanted this.

"Im gonna help you through this, i promise mami..i promise..." he murmured softly. "It'll be okay, it'll be okay.." he continued. I nodded into his shoulder and wrapped my fingers around his shirt. I was safe with him, and he would help me through it.

(idk how long I've been clean for, BUT IM CLEAN🫶🏼)