I never stopped thinking about my previous life, my friends that I left behind. For weeks I avoided my parents, knowing the toxicity between us would result in another argument. I would spend my days outside, on my personal balcony with a book and a lemonade; My nights I spent watching television or FaceTiming my friends from back home. This place wasn't home, it was a house I was living in while Utah was my actual home.

Two days from now I would be walking the halls of a new school, with a tacky uniform and people I didn't know. What if I didn't like anyone? What if they didn't like me? You know what, I don't care what anyone thinks. This place wasn't important to me, I had no intention of making it a priority to impress anyone. All I cared about in this moment was going back, maybe my grandparents will let me move in with them so I can go back to my normal life.

I held the uniforms top in my hand, a white button down, the material felt like plastic between my fingers. The school colors threw up on the skirt: white, blue, black. My high school back home didn't have uniforms, I could wear pajamas if I wanted to. Just another reason why I didn't like living in a new place. I threw the outfit onto my bed and grabbed my book, stepping outside to read. Some family came in from Utah to visit for a few days, all of them were splashing around in the pool.

"Emma, you should come down and swim. Chris and Nikki are leaving tomorrow!" I heard my father shout from the deck below. I sighed, remembering this was one of the last days of summer and I should make the most of it. I dog-eared the page in my book and went back inside, changed into my swimsuit and threw my hair in a bun.

I widened my eyes when I walked on the deck and heard my cousins scream my name in excitement. I spun around to go back inside, knowing how dreadful this day would be. My eyes met my dad's figure, he was screaming and charging up to me. I let out a gasp as my feet left the ground, my body thrown over my dad's shoulder. Before I could even process the thought of screaming, I was tossed into the air and submerged in water.

I resurfaced, coughing and wiping the water from my eyes. The giggles of the kids in the pool were almost contagious, a smile crept onto my face. I mentally cursed my father and climbed out, soaking wet and now cold from the breeze. My mother was laughing at me, sitting next to aunt Nikki in a pool chair, comfortably dry. I snuck over and gave her a big, wet hug. That earned me a ten minute lecture, but the sounds of laughter was well worth it. On the outside, I hated this house and my situation. But, on the inside, I was warming up to it, I wasn't ready for summer to end. I really wanted to return home to Utah with Nikki and Chris, but I knew I would miss this.

The rest of the night was spent sitting in the gazebo, lit up with string lights and listening to music with my family. It was a nice way to end the night, and to end this summer. At around ten, I said goodnight and slipped into my room. I don't remember what happened after I opened my door, sleep deprivation erased that memory, but all I can say is it was the best sleep I had gotten since we moved in.

———

I followed my Mom around the grocery store, dreading the clock hitting 8 AM tomorrow, when I have to walk through those doors in a horrid uniform and face people I didn't know. I grabbed a jar of spaghetti sauce, as instructed, and put it in the cart. When Chris and Nikki left this morning, it took everything I had in me not to fall to my knees and beg them to take me with. I wanted to cry.

I was like a zombie, mindlessly grabbing food items and putting them in the cart.

"You just crushed the bread! What are you doing?" I blinked, looking down at the eggs I just put down on top of the sandwich bread.

"I don't want to live here, Mom." I blurted, moving the eggs.

"Not this, again. Is it really so hard to even try and give this place a chance?" She mumbled, browsing cheeses.

"My friends don't even text me back, anymore. They didn't come out last weekend like we planned. Things are falling apart and I don't want them to." I admitted, wiping a tear that started to fall.

"I'm sorry Emma, but your father and I also sacrificed our friendships for a better life. It was just here, and not in Utah. I mean, look at our house, the school you're going to. Is it really so hard to be happy for what your dad has accomplished?" She fought, as quietly as possible. I stayed silent the rest of the time we shopped.

How long was I going to sit around and wait for my friends to message me back? Maybe they already forgot about me. At the same time, what kind of friends just forget about you when you move away? I was emotional, I felt it all for all sorts of reasons. The pit in my stomach grew deeper as the day passed.

At dinner, I pushed my food around and watched the ice melt in my glass. The sun slowly set on my last day of summer vacation before I had to face reality. I moved away, there's nothing I can do about it. New girl wasn't exactly a title I've held before, but I've seen plenty of movies and read plenty of books to know how it's going to go.

After I escaped the dinner table, I stood in my room with my uniform hung on my closet door and couldn't look away. The sorrow, anguish I felt, what would happen if I stayed in Utah? Definitely not gone to school in this outfit, I would have my friends by my side. I could go back to my old house and sit on the tire swing in my back yard, watch the cloudy sky roll by.

I turned and stood in front of my balcony door, the sun had set and the pool light was the only thing I could see in my backyard. I didn't have a pool in Utah, nor did I have a beautifully lit gazebo on my porch. I definitely didn't have a balcony, or my own bathroom.

That's when I finally started to cry. Was I so wrong for missing my old life? I wasn't ungrateful for what I have now, I loved this house. But, I couldn't help but wish this house never existed. Wished the time would rewind, that instead of looking out of my balcony door, that I was looking out into my cookie-cutter backyard from my window.

**