I am out of my mind. I can vouch for that.

What mum did was unforgivable. And what I did was ever worse. My anger got the better of me. And Atagfirullah. I pride myself always for being a proper Muslims and following Islam to the best of my ability in all aspect of life. What Steve said is true, this is not healthy for us.

I feel quite ashamed to look at his face. I declared we are going to marry and then I kissed him. What sort of cheap life would do something like that? Yes, mum didn't have a right to shout at him or strike me, let alone strike Steve. Damn. This is so not happening to me.

I drove in silence. This neighborhood looks very scary and kind of creepy. But I kept quite. When Steve asked me to stop the car, I stopped it. I kept my head bent because this is too much for me. I am playing with fire and I am certain i'll end up burnt.

Steve didn't get out of the car, but kept staring at me.

"If I were in a position where I can afford the luxury of dating you, I would. If I had met you just 3 years ago, I would have done anything to be with you. You have that kind of effect on me, just in case if you didn't notice. But my life has changed. And it will get worse may be in time to come. I will not take you there with me" he said, and I kept my head bent.

"I am all but grateful for you for everything you have done for me. Sarah, look at me please. That expression is killing me" he said again. I didn't. I couldn't. Why? I don't know.

He took my hand in his, and I let him. He kissed my hand.

"So, you really meant you want to marry me or just wanted to piss your mother off by saying it?" he teased me.

"We'll never know. Will we?" I told him sarcastically.

"ouch! What was that verbal punch for?" he asked me but I kept quite.

"Against my better judgment, if I ask you to date me, will you?"

I know from where he is coming from. His culture is different from mine. We don't date, but that is not how he functions.

"My religion doesn't permit to date. I am doing so many things that is not permitted in my religion, like kissing a man who isn't my husband, let a man who isn't my mahram touch me, doing crazy things." I said pulling off my hand.

"Is that a yes or no?" he asked me while my temper get the better of me. So I glared at him while he gave me the puppy face.

"I'll get down from here Sarah. Please, help me to help you stay out of trouble. Stay away from me. There is so much self control I can have, and I am almost losing it when you are there. If my circumstances changes, I will come to you" he said taking my hand and placing a kiss. And then got out of the car.

What the hell did I do?? I stayed in the car until I saw Steve got in to the car and may be couple of minutes longer trying to process everything that happened today.

Everyone including my step family were waiting for me when I reached home. I know this this isn't going to end up well.

"So, what do you have to say?" my step father asked me.

"I don't have to say anything. I am an adult who is capable of making my own decisions. And I don't think I owe any explanation to anyone let alone you" I told him, while my mother jump to attack me again.

"Mum, no. I said firmly. Enough is enough. You cant just slap me or insult people whom you don't like. Especially not Steve. I told you before and I will tell you again, I will marry whom I want to marry. That decision is mine alone to make" I told her.

"You will not insult this family by being with a Kafir" mum said.

"Oh well, kafir or not, I have made my decision. I am tired. This discussion is over" I told everyone there.

"If you don't agree to marry Farhan, you are no longer welcome in this house" my step father told me.

"And what makes you think that can of theatrics going to work with me? Losing you, these two who call my step sister is nothing. Yes, I feel for mum but she stopped being my mother long time before this ever started. I can walk out anytime. Mum, is that it?" I asked her. Leaving home isn't a big deal for me. I knew there would be a day that I am no longer welcome in this house.

Mum was silence.

"Mum, is that it? Do you want me gone? You know I am not going to be homeless or destitute. I stayed here for u, and if you want me gone, then I will leave. Tell me?" I asked her. Whatever said and done, she is my mother.

"Leave" my mum said with so much hatred, it still hurts.

"Okay mum. I will leave"

************************************************************

It's been two weeks since I met Sarah. She never left my mind. Not even once. My feelings for her became an obsession as every passing day. But I know it is the for best. I went to see Talia and it is then I got to know Sarah is no longer at the hospital as they found a replacement. And Talia looked a lot disturbed this time. She was missing Sarah but on top of that her health seems so fragile, I genuinely started to worry about her wellbeing. Murder is not beyond De Bourbon family.

And like Sarah said, the pregnancy is not helping things with her. And I had a fear she will not survive this. But I wasn't allowed to see Talia as per the new doctor who insisted until my case is over, I should not be let in. I called Jen asking for help but since Talia is not related to me by blood nor am I her guardian, legally nothing can be done.

At the meantime, Harry's case is in trial. I know how lowly de Bourbons can be. So I am starting to worry about people I care about starting from Talia, Martha and her boys and Sarah. While I have the utmost faith in Jen to conduct the trials, back of my mind I am still not quite settled.

I called Jen anyway to ask the progress of my case and Harry's.

"Harry's lawyers are fighting for alcohol induced speech and all other things to save him. Having your finger print in the gun that was used to shoot the victims is debated and I need sometime to pull out something. At the meantime, you stay out of sight for couple of more weeks" she told me.

"Do you know the situation in the hospital Talia is in?" I asked her.

"Yes, and nothing Sarah can do about it. Had she wished, even she cant visit the patience"

"Is she okay?" I asked Jen. I am sure Sarah had said everything to Jen as they seem very close friends.

"You have to call and find out" Jen said mischievously. Right!

"Please keep me updated" I told her. And walk away from the hospital. Not seeing Talia, not having Sarah around to look after her isn't settling well with me. But there is nothing I can do.