"So," Dan mumbled as he drove through Chicago late at night. Their flight had landed about 40 minutes ago, and the whole trip had been silent until now.

Luke hadn't had the courage or energy to speak up, and Dan felt like Luke didn't deserve to be spoke to. Luke had disappointed him and actually embarrassed him, so after scolding him about it, Dan had nothing else to say to the blonde.

Luke understood that, he deserved it. He had left his boss on his own, while Luke was the one being honored to follow with to this trip. He had fucked up big, both in work and life general, and he knew it.

"Yeah" Luke breathed out as he ran a hand through his hair and tugged at it, feeling his head pound because of the horrible hangover he got after yesterday's mistakes.

"I'm not going to pretend nothing happened, because a whole lot of shit happened, and I never expected you to disappoint me like this" Dan spoke and sighed heavily, making Luke feel even worse.

"I know, I'm sorry-"

"I don't need apologies, Luke, I need you to make this up to yourself," Dan spoke, sternly cutting Luke off, "I gave you a second chance and you blew it. I shouldn't give you a third one, but I am because you are my friend, and I know you're in need of this job to support your family"

Family. Luke's family, that he has silently and secretly broke by acting like a stupid and reckless teenager in New York.

"Yeah, I- Thank you" Luke said and bit his lip as he looked down at his hands that were anxiously moving around in his lap.

"Well, just don't make me regret it. I'm telling you now Luke, this is your last chance. One more of these stupid mistakes and you're out" Dan spoke and kept his eyes on the road in front of them.

"I know, Dan. I know you don't want apologies but I am sorry, and I'm grateful for another chance. This won't happen again, I just- I had a hard time focusing while being there" Luke said and sighed quietly as he rubbed a hand over his face exhaustedly.

"Can I ask what was so important that you blew off a promotion in your honor?" Dan asked and his voice was dry out of sarcasm, making Luke nearly cringe. He still deserved it though.

"I don't know" Luke mumbled and bit the inside of his cheek harshly. He tried to keep his feelings in control, but it was hard. He felts such remorse and regret that it hurt his whole body. He could barely stand this morning because his mind had beat him up so badly.

"Luke," Dan sighed and shook his head, "I'm still a great friend of yours and you can talk to me. I think I also deserve answers, because I'm completely in the dark as to why you left me to do all the work myself"

And Dan was right. He very much deserved answers to Luke's confusing behavior. Luke had been the worst employee ever, and Dan didn't even know why.

But Luke wasn't sure if he was ready to tell the truth. During the whole night being heavily drunk and crying his eyes out, he had thought about just what to tell Ashton. He knew he had to tell the truth, there was no way he could live like this any longer, but at the same time he knew everything would be an even worse mess with the truth coming out.

Luke had realized at 5:27 AM that he had ruined his and his family's life, and he was an unworthy human being.

"I know," Luke whispered and hid his face in his hands, "It's just really bad"

Dan was quiet for a while and Luke could imagine the frown on his boss's face. Luke probably left Dan even more confused now, but it was so hard to express his feelings and what he had done wrong.

"What did you do?" Dan asked. His voice was quite hesitant, like he was uncertain to if he wanted to know.

"I fucked up" Luke sighed and bit his lip harshly, feeling himself suddenly enjoying the pain.

He deserved the pain.

**

Luke took a deep breath as he stood outside the apartment door. He had been standing still and staring at the door for about 5 minutes now, being such a coward that he didn't even dare to enter his own home.

He held the handle of his suitcase tightly in his hand as he rummaged through his pocket and reached for his key. With a lump in his throat, Luke unlocked the door and stepped inside, biting his lip when watching the dark and silent apartment.

"Luke?" a soft voice called from the living room, and soon Ashton walked into the hallway, smiling big at Luke.

Luke's heart beat faster and harder as his whole body warmed up while watching his fiancé walk closer to him.

"Hi, baby" Luke breathed out, almost tearing up when watching Ashton smile brightly and curl his arms around Luke's neck.

"Hi" Ashton whispered and breathed out a small giggle before reaching up to place his lips on Luke's. The kiss was soft and gently, only lasting for a few seconds before they pulled away and smiled at each other. Luke was still hurting though.

"I love you" Ashton whispered softly.

"I love you too" Luke mumbled and hugged Ashton, burying his face in the older boy's hair.

"Are you tired?" Ashton asked as he caressed Luke's cheeks with his warm hands. Luke silently nodded his head, leaning into Ashton's touch.

"It's late, come to bed" Ashton breathed out and kissed Luke's cheek before taking a hold of the blonde's hand.

"I will," Luke said and bit his lip, "I just want to check on the kids first"

"Okay, I'll wait for you" Ashton said and smiled warmly, kissing Luke once again before letting him go.

With his heart beating high in his throat, Luke walked up the stairs and entered his son's room. His eyebrows were furrowed as he watched the empty bed. He bit the inside of his cheek and exited Leon's room to enter Peach's instead, and his heart beat louder when watching his son and his daughter curled up in Peach's small bed.

Luke had to clench his fists and dug his nails into the palms of his hands to keep himself from tearing up. He was both happy and sad watching his kids like this. He felt like he could take it much longer, so he leaned down to kiss both their foreheads, mumbling 'I love you's' before walking out of the room.

Luke wanted to have more time to think before entering his and Ashton's bedroom, but he knew he couldn't push this away anymore. He needed to act like an adult, and he needed to act like Ashton's fiancé, so he entered the room and let out a heavy breath as he watched Ashton's shirtless body in front of him.

Ashton stood up from the bed and walked over to Luke, wrapping his arms around Luke's neck again.

"I've missed you so much" Ashton mumbled before placing his lips on Luke's. The kiss quickly grew heated as Ashton pressed his body against Luke's, humming in want and how much he had missed him.

Luke went with it because he had missed Ashton as well. But as Ashton deepened the kiss ever further and pulled Luke back to the bed, the remorse was too strong for Luke to continue like if everything was alright.

"I can't do this" Luke said and shook his head, stepping away from Ashton.

"I'm sorry, you're tired from your flight," Ashton spoke and smiled bashfully, "I've just missed you so much-"

"No, it's not that," Luke said and shut his eyes as he shook his head again, "I'm- I just can't do this to you"

"What are you on about? It's me who's initiating it" Ashton said and laughed softly.

"No I-" Luke spoke and cut himself off to bite the inside of his cheek harshly before turning to the door, "I need to take a walk or something"

"You can't go out now, it's past midnight and you just got home," Ashton said with a frown as he walked after Luke, "You're scaring me, Luke. What's going on?"

Luke swallowed as he stumbled out to the the hallway and closed his eyes shut. He ran his hand through his hair before turning around to look at Ashton with desperate eyes.

"Something happened" Luke mumbled and bit his lip as he watched Ashton with glossy eyes. Ashton's face immediately showed worry, and Luke felt even worse now.

"What? What happened? Are you okay?" The older boy asked and reached out to touch Luke gently. Luke grabbed Ashton's hand and held it to prevent Ashton to touch him in any other way.

"No. But I deserve to not be okay, because it's all my fault" Luke mumbled and squeezed his fiancé's hand.

"You're leaving me confused, Luke. You need to elaborate more" Ashton whispered quietly.

"I-I love you, Ashton. I love you so much, and I want to spend my life with you, but I did something bad"

Ashton's face tensed up and his lips were set in a thin line as he looked at Luke with glossy hazel-green eyes, like if he understood what was coming.

"Okay?" he asked, slowly slipping his hand out of Luke's grip, "What did?"

"I-" Luke started and fought a sob before speaking again, "I met Dani in New York, and we talked a-and-"

"You slept with her" Ashton stated, his voice broken as his face was still as collected as possible. But Luke saw in his posture just how mad and broken he really was.

"No! No, I definitely didn't sleep with her. Never" Luke spoke and shook his head frantically, watching Ashton relax in relief.

"What happened then?" Ashton asked and Luke clenched his fists as he tried to keep his breaths calm.

"We just started talking and she told me she was sorry and I told her about Leon and it was good. We talked and a heavy weight just lifted from both our shoulders. But I just- I kept meeting up with her and ignored the work I was there for, and I made a huge mistake, Ashton"

"What happened?" Ashton asked, his voice harsh and broken. Luke hated it, because it was all his fault.

"She left me so suddenly when we were teenagers and I believed that loved her so much, so when I met her now again, those memories just came back. It was never the love I have for you, but it started to mess with my head and I just lost it and-"

"What happened?" Ashton repeated, this time harsher, almost making Luke flinch.

"I kissed her," Luke blurted out and squeezed his eyes shut, "I kissed her and she kissed me back. It didn't last long, but we did kiss"

"Did you end it?" Ashton asked, his eyes glossy and his fists clenched.

"Yes. Well, not really. Or, I mean, it ended right after she found out about you and-"

"Wait," Ashton spoke and looked at Luke in disbelief, "You hadn't told her about me?"

"I-I'm, um-" Luke stuttered, having problem to form any real words.

"You let her believe you were single so you could get her?" Ashton asked and straightened up his posture in anger, "You just made it sound like this was her fault as much as yours, but she didn't even know about me and you fucking used that for your own good"

"No, Ashton-"

"So you kissed her," Ashton spoke, ignoring Luke's pleading, "What else would you have done if she never found out about me?"

"Nothing. Baby I swear, I hate myself for even talking to her in the first place, I felt so guilty-"

"Then why did you keep doing it? Do we mean nothing to you?" Ashton asked and waved his hand around to make Luke understand he was talking about their family.

"Does this mean nothing to you?" Ashton asked again and held up his hand that carried the engagement ring.

"It means everything to me," Luke breathed out and let a tear slip from his eye, "It means so much to me and I care for it so much"

"Then why did you do this? What is the point if you now 'care' so much?" Ashton asked brokenly. Luke sniffed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Because I was so fucking lost in my thoughts. Everything just came back and I don't expect you to understand becau-"

"Because I haven't loved someone before?" Ashton said as he cut Luke off once again, "I have loved people before you Luke, but I know who to turn your affection towards. That's preferably the person you're engaged with"

Luke felt a pang in his chest and he knew Ashton was 100% right in everything he said, but he just needed Ashton to listen for just one second.

"I know, and I know I fucking did everything wrong, you don't even have to scold me about it. I just need you to listen to me when I say that I regret it so fucking much and I love you and our kids so fucking much. I can never go back in time to stop this from happening, but I want you to know that if I could, I would. I never in my life wanted to hurt you or the kids, but here I am and I'm ready to take responsibility for all of my fucked up actions. I love you so much, baby, it hurts"

"It hurts for me too" Ashton breathed out and wiped the tears away from his cheeks before looking up to lock his bloodshot and teary eyes with Luke's similar ones.

"You don't know how much I hate myself when seeing you like this, and I know nothing I say can make this better, but you just need to know that you're the only one for me. I want to spend my life with you. No one else" Luke whispered and let several tears run down his cheeks.

"I just want to be alone and think, please," Ashton whispered and backed away from Luke as he sobbed quietly, "Sleep on the couch tonight"

And just like that, Ashton left Luke alone in the dark hallway and entered their shared bedroom with the worst feeling of all time;

A broken heart.

•••

lashton, you're breaking my heart

michael will be 20 in like one hour okokok no

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