The World War Joy tour was to begin in a week, and Ashton hadn't seen much of Luke. He felt like he was being avoided, and like a broken stitch, everything became undone, and all his feelings bubbled to the surface. He'd contained himself so long, but the sick thoughts fought their way back.

*****

Luke Hemmings is an idiot. The world biggest, he decides. Just because he couldn't understand his feelings he decided to ignore Ashton, and now, Ashton was gone.

That may sound a little dramatic, but that's what he felt. Ashton had distanced himself, as Luke began to ignore him, and today? Today he hadn't seen Ashton at all. It was 40 minutes till show time and they were all in a mad panic searching for Ashton. He'd been off the first few shows, but only Luke, Calum and Michael knew him well enough to see that. But now, they didn't know where he was or what was wrong.

Luke was worried, and he chipped at his red nails, his lower lips lightly swollen and chapped from his nibbles. He tried to distract himself by texting Sierra, but in the end he felt worse cause she told him they could meet soon, and he knew that he was going to be awkward.

Around 30 minutes before the show officially started, Luke heard heavy thudding and the skid of Michaels boots as he slid into the room.

"Luke get your ass up, Ashton's here"

Luke snaps up at this and immediately follows Michael. The two weave through the crew and around the venue, till they stop at the far back, where the private exit was. Luke was expecting to see Ashton holding the door open, maybe taking a picture or meeting a fan.

Oh boy, was he wrong.

Instead of what he'd imagined, he saw Ashton curled up in the corner, sobbing and breathing erratically. Calum was there trying to calm him down but It wasn't working. Panic floods through Luke and he sits down in front of Ashton, who's eyes widen in fear as he presses further back into the wall.

"Hey, Ash, no just look at me"

Luke whispers softly as he places a hand on Ashton's knee. Ashton has his legs pulled up against his chest and he can't seem to calm down, which Luke understands. He didn't think he'd ever see Ashton have another panic attack as the last one had been years back.

Ashton looks up, through watery eyes, and Luke stares into the hazel orbs, letting his own tears falls. He trails his hand down Ashton's leg and laces their fingers together. He brings two of Ashton's fingers up to his own neck, right where his pulse is, all while gently rubbing his knee.

Luke stares into Ashton's eyes, and he doesn't know, doesn't know that his ocean blue orbs were Ashton's lifeline, yet the reason he was suffocating and drowning.

"Ashton, I need you to breathe for me. Feel my pulse, and breath with me. Come on darling"

Luke tries to keep his breathing even, and he notices Ashton try and match it. After a minute Ashton pull away and cries harder.

"Lu-L- it's n-not wor-rking"

Ashton voice breaks, so Luke pulls him into his lap and holds him, letting his hand gently stroke Ashton's curls. He feels Ashton relax, but only a little, which is good but he's still panicking. Luke notices Ashton's symbol on his jumpsuit, and seeing the drumstick sparks an idea.

"Ash, I need you take in a breath for a count of 4 ok? 1, 2, 3, 4...good, now hold it for 4...1, 2, 3, 4...alright and let it out"

Ashton followed Luke and slowly began to breath normally. Luke tapped Ashton's thigh as he counted and it seemed to help Ashton focus and breath. At this point, he was practically laying down in Luke's lap, cuddled into his chest. Ashton's boots rested on Michaels thighs, and moments later, Calum came with a glass of water. Luke lifted the glass to Ashton's lips and he took a shaky sip.

"I'm sorry"

"No, Ash it's not your fault. These things happen"

"But Mikey! I left you guys and I made Lu cry and I shouldn't have a-"

"Do you wanna talk about what happened?"

Ashton looks up at Calum, and the guiltily up at Luke. He mutters something about how stupid it was and Luke immediately understands. Luke avoided Ashton. Ashton didn't know why and so he panicked and, well, Luke feels like an even bigger idiot.

"Ashton I wasn't avoiding you, I swear. I had a lot going on, an- aw no, don't cry it wasn't a stupid reason, I promise. I'm really sorry"

Luke's rambling on, but he's cut off by the Chainsmokers, Matt and Lennon, who were all scared shitless at the sight of Ashton. They bombarded the 4 with questions and Luke didn't hesitate to tell Michael to take them elsewhere because he felt Ashton tense. Once they'd left, Ashton and Luke sat alone, before Calum came and told them to freshen up. They slowly walked back to the dressing rooms, Ashton occasionally brushing against Luke.

Luke kept him close, and once he was in the chair, Luke began to talk to him.

"Ashton, please talk to me"

"Luke I'm fine. I just panicked in the moment because I was worked up when you began avoiding me. I just get like that, you know? I'm sorry"

"Stop apologizing"

"Sor- ok"

The two shared a quick laugh and after having his hair and makeup done, Ashton was in a seemingly better mood. Luke stayed close and talked to him all night. Never again would he put Ashton through that.

*****

Later that night, just when Luke is about to settle in bed, he hears quiet padding and a gentle knock to his hotel room door. Luke lazily rolls out of bed and drags himself to the door, opening the door all the way, before realizing he was in nothing but flimsy boxers that prominently outlined him. His eyes widen and then his heart softens and he smiles at Ashton.

Ashton is standing in the doorway, with a blanket around his head and shoulders, and his laptop and a bag clutched in his hands. He looks so small and adorable, standing with wide eyes.

"Are you uh, sleeping yet?"

And maybe Luke was just about to lose himself in a world of dreams, but he didn't have it in him to reject Ashton. So he steps aside and let's Ashton in. Ashton smiles gratefully and stops between the couch and bed, before Luke gently nudges him towards the bed with a gentle touch to the small of his back.

"Not that I don't want you here, but why aren't you with Mike and Cal?"

"Can I be honest?"

"Wait...did they do something to you? I swear did those bastards hurt you?? Ashton fuc-"

"Oh god Luke, chill your tits. No, I was gonna say I think they're uh...you know..."

"Doing drugs?? I knew Zayn and Louis were horrible influences all those years back smoking fucking pot like damn it Calum smokes does he smoke weed?? Oh my fucking god. Joy and Mali will murder us I can't-"

"What? Hell no! Luke I mean fucking! I think they're fucking!!!"

"Oh...hey that makes sense! I saw them being all uncomfortable and weird at the late show and they said they were having a staring contest....come to think of it, probably fucking"

"Shit"

"What ash?"

"Crystal and Michael are engaged"

"Oh wow, we're so wrong, no way Michael and Calum would cheat and hurt Crystal, or anyone"

"But I really think they're having sex with each other!"

"Maybe it's just like....sexual relief? We've all gone weeks without that and especially since Michael and I can't pick some random chick up, we need to relive ourselves somehow. Another hand tends to be better at times..."

Luke lets his voice slowly fade when he catches Ashton's ludicrous look. Of course, now Ashton thought that Luke, Calum and Michael were having a three way fuck...because they couldn't pick up random chicks....wow, Luke's on a roll.

Ashton suddenly decides he's tired and slowly climbs out of bed.

"Ash, no! We aren't having sex with each other!"

"I never said you were, why are you denying something I never said?"

"I swear to god, you're being hasty, stop assuming shit!"

"I'm assuming shit? You assumed that I had a panic attack over you, you assumed that I think you're in a fuck buddy situation!"

"Ashton you're being ridiculous! The world doesn't revolve around you! Ok? I can do whatever the fucking hell I want! With whoever I want! It shouldn't matter shit to you! I can have sex whenever I want with whoever! You're not in any way tied to me so don't get fucking worked up asshole"

"So you are! Bitch...you motherfucking bloody bitch! what kind of friends are you?? How can you lie to me so easily? I'm not jealous and I don't care! I don't fucking trust any of your stupid cheating asses either! Why don't you just replace me? Maybe get your slut who you fuck whenever you want and add her to the band! At least you don't hide shit and lie to her"

"There's no slut, but if there was some random prostitute we picked up, she'd be half the pain you are"

"Then do it! Who needs this suicidal freak when you have 7 billion other people in type world?"

"Ashton fucking Irwin don't victimize yourself! Just because you had a past doesn't mean you need to bring it up!"

"How do you know I've been clean? You're so conceited and wrapped up in your own fucking world douche"

"Shut up! Asshole! No one gives two shits ok? I don't fucking pity you anymore! Get the hell out! While your at it leave the goddamn band and tell some random slum to join us! They'd be twice as talented even if they've never seen a drum in their life"

"Maybe I will"

"FUCK YOU"

"OR GO FUCK MICHAEL AND CALUM INSTEAD, THEY'RE CLEARLY USED TO IT"

Only then does Luke realize what he's done. Ashton had stormed away, not before Luke saw the tear tracks and the hurt in his eyes. Luke fucked up, bad. He couldn't believe himself. He'd gone as far as to say Ashton didn't matter and to assume that he'd been...clean. The thought clouded Luke's mind and he felt his throat tighten. He was a douche who made illogical assumptions and badly hurt Ashton.

Luke rolled over and caught sight of the laptop and bag Ashton had brought. His heart shattered once he saw all the movies Ashton had downloaded. All of Luke's favourites, even the ones Ashton despised. And in the bag, there were all of Luke's favourite snacks and candy, which Ashton had gone out of his way to buy for Luke.

Luke felt his chest tighten and his breath uneven. He let out horrible sobs, twisting the sheets with his hands, gripping them tight as he lay where Ashton did. Ashton's slight scent lingered in the sheet, even if he'd barley been there. Luke let himself cry ugly, broken sobs, and soon enough he found himself sleeping.

He woke up sharply at 6am, head pounding and throat sore. He lay there in regret, deciding to consult Michael and Calum. He picked up yesterday's solid black long sleeve from the chair and threw an oversized, torn t-shirt over top. He couldn't be bothered with jeans so he found black sweatpants, and pulled his socks over before finding a pair of sneakers.

All in all, he looked like trash. He left the room, and followed the hall till he reached Calum's. There was no way Michael would be awake this early, if he had the option to stay asleep. Luke fumbles with his sleeve and knocks on the door. To his surprise, it's opened by Michael, fully dressed and smiling, which was rare that early in the morning.

"Good morning dick wipe"

Luke could've made a snarky remark, or pouted in annoyance. Instead he fell to his knees, as a sobbing mess. Michael softens immediately and grabs Luke's shoulders.

"Hey bro, I was kidding"

"I-I know I j-j-ust fucked u-uh-up"

Calum hears the commotion and comes out at this point, unsure what to make of the situation. It takes a moment for Luke to collect himself and once he does, he tells them everything, eyes brimming with tears as he repeats his own harsh words.

"Ash came to my room and said how he thought you guys were fucking"

Calum and Michael shift uncomfortably and make disgusted faces glaring down at Luke.

"I swear he said it, not me! But I said something about picking up chicks and relief and then he assumed we were all fucking- Calum don't you dare- and then I said some bad things about replacing him and how he uses his past for attention..."

Calum and Michael listen carefully, and by the end, the aren't half as mad at Luke as he expected.

"That's fucked up, but I think we all need to talk to him, what do you think mike?"

"Well we definitely ought to talk to him, management says his phones off and they wanna talk to him, but we never told him about Bryanna. We're such idiots"

"Well he won't talk to me! Ashton hates me, I literally told him I don't care!"

"Luke he won't hate you. Michael and I don't because we know you didn't mean it. Let's go talk to him, break the Bryanna news we wrongfully hid and fix this shit. And we need to be at the venue for 12:30 to meet management"

Luke feels a wrenching feeling and suddenly wants nothing more than to lay down under a mountain of blankets and never come out.

They trio make their way down the hall, passing Michael and Luke rooms. Luke gently knocks on Ashton's door, 3 times with equal amounts of force. As expected, there isn't a response, so Michael fishes out an extra room key from his wallets and slips it in the hole. The card is pulled out once the light switches green, and Calum shoves the door open. The room is dark and empty, neatly made of course, nothing less was expected of Ashton.

They step inside and Ashton is nowhere to be seen. Luke switches on the light and paces around the room, anxious for Ashton's return. Unfortunately, the dead silence as they wait, gives Michael a chance to think.

"Fuck this guys, I don't wanna hurt Ash"

Michaels already at the door, when Calum shrieks and pulls him to the floor. Calum sits on top of him, holding him down to prevent him leaving. Michael tries to shove him off, and nearly succeeds, but Luke sits on top of him as well, facing Calum.

"Oh my god, you little shits"

And really, all they're doing is restraining Michael. So, Luke doesn't even want to know what it looked like when Ashton walked in at the same time that Michael thrust up his hips and sent Calum and Luke's faces smashing.

Ashton stops dead in the door way, as the others awkwardly scramble off of each other. Ashton's plastic iced coffee cup dents under the pressure of his grip, as he pivots and exits.

"If you're going to lie, cheat and fuck...don't do it in my hotel room. And Luke? Management says they wanna talk to me. I know it's about me leaving"

Ashton says this and Luke stares at Michael and Calum desperately. Management was most definitely not talking about his departure. There's a heavy silence before Michael speaks up.

"Look, we aren't in a fuck buddy situation. I'm engaged, and Luke has a girlfriend."

"Mikey's right, he and Luke wold never commit if they were gonna cheat! And anyways mikey has a really big dick a-"

Calum is cut off by Luke slapping a hand over his face but he rolls his eyes, pushes it off and continues talking.

"As I was saying, before I was rudely interrupted, Michael has a huge dick. So why would he want Luke and I, who have significantly smaller dicks? See our point Ashton? We're most definitely platonic, but not fucking. Luke, would you like to contribute?"

"Bryanna Holly was paid by our management to date you, she never loved you, management wants to talk to you because they want to set you up with someone else and you didn't know about Bryanna cause we hid it so I-"

Calum tackles Luke to the ground and Michaels eyes widen with fear as he braces for Ashton's reaction. They were gonna tell Ashton, but not like that, not so bluntly and directly. To their surprise, Ashton takes a sip of his coffee and rolls his eyes.

"No shit, that's why we're over. I actually loved her but she didn't care for me so we ended it. I'll see you guys before the show, tell management I'm not partaking in another relationship, tell Feldy that what I talked to him about, is still a problem."

He pushes past them into his room, not before sending a reluctant apology their way. They trio are so pleased with how well it went, that they miss the look of hurt and the single tear drip down his cheek as he slams the door.

Luke wonders what Ashton had been referring to, and he wonders what the problem is. Ashton usually told them everything...

*****

Thank the gods that Ashton was unproblematic. He did not mope and hide out in his room all day, but instead showed up at the venue, completely bubbly and happy, making conversation and people fall in love with him left and right.

No one noted the slight tension, and really Luke just found himself even more entranced. Ashton was just to fucking pure and too good for the world.

And it's disappointing really, that even though Luke observed Ashton in such detail, he missed the signs that indicated Ashton's biggest secret.