My hands were shaking with apprehension and fright as I talked to the ambulance's assistant as they all attended Kimmy. I hadn't stopped crying since she fainted some moments ago and despites our best chances se still hadn't wake up.

I knew this would happen, I knew she wasn't holding up as good as she claimed to be, I knew she was getting worst and lying about it, but I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I didn't want to break her trust but now seing as they lifted the stretched to the back of the ambulance I wished I had instead of having to face how she'd fallen to this.

And it was my fault. I should had seen this coming. I should had done more, tell someone... I was too focused on hanging in this little confidence Kimmy allowed me, so scared to loose it that I watched and let her fully fell on the abism. And for the way Nate's been avoiding my gaze ever since he heard me telling the paramedics what was going on. The way he sat by the path with his head in his hands, tugging stressfully at his roots.

The fright and unsettleness in my stomach was killing me as the paramedic took a few more notes, nodded at me and moved where the others were settling Kimmy in the stretcher and placed one of those oxygen masks making my heart sink all the more. All our eyes snapped up as they rolled the stretcher towards the ambulance. There was a tense silence filling the air and a deaf pain echoing in the field. Olly and Bear had been sent to the nursery after their fight and the coach had been standing by our side ever since Kimmy fainted. He'd seen the whole scene developing and came just in time to put order, sent both boys inside and called the emergencies for Kimmy.

Seth looked completely in shock as he watched them pulled the gurney in the back of the vehicle and Nate rose, stiffly, as if not fully himself either while trying to cope with everything going on around. I stepped closer but he didn't even met my gaze. The only sign that he'd sensed me closer was the way his jaw clenched, all his muscles ready to snap.

"N-Nate-" I reached out brushing the back of his hand testing the waters but he flinched away as if my touch burned him.

My heart fell to the ground betweeen us and my already shaken state couldn't take it when his eyes finally met mine with the worst feeling swirling under them: troubled, hurt, eying me like he couldn't believe I was there. But it was way worst when his lips parted enough to let his voice slip:

"You knew this."

I shook my head, my pulse ragged in my ears and my head felt too big and pounding all of the sudden, I wasn't even sure my knees would support my weight far longer. "I-I just-"

"We need to go now." informed the lady from the vehicle's door. "One of you can come in with her or head straight to the hospital."

Seth finally seemed to snap out his trance and stood as well brushing his hands awkwardly on his trousers. "I-"

"I'll go." Nate answered immediately instead and made his way in, leaving us standing there, watching the ambulance leave and my chest collapsed at all the horrible possibilities in my mind.

What the hell had I done?

The ride the hospital was weird. Completely silent beside Seth, he didn't even offer me a ride, I just slid in beside him and he didn't stop me. My mind was eating me alive the whole way there. Would she be okay? Would she not? Should I'd said something more and lose her trust? It clearly couldn't end worst. She was literally on the hospital.

And it's my fault.

I bit my lip as we wait for the lift to get to the proper floor and into the waiting room, the urge to cry even stronger as we saw Nate sitting on one of the chairs, his leg bouncing madly in stress and bitting into his thumbnail, glaring at the door leading to the emergency rooms. He was so deep in thought he didn't even sensed us approaching. Or maybe he plainly ignored us. Anything was possible considering everything.

Yet his already tensed shoulders stiffened all the more as Seth cleared his throat but didn't tore his eyes from the door.

"Are there any updates?" his voice was thick, hoarse, the first words he'd uttered ever since Kimmy fell, and there was no sign anymore of the arrogant, proud attitude he'd shown off lately. Seth looked worried, pale even.

Nate's jaw clenched. "Now you care?"

"Nate..."

"No. I just don't know what the fuck are you doing here."

"Stop being a jerk."

"Sorry, I've learnt from the best."

"Nate." I finally gathered enough courage to speak and immediately wished I didn't when his eyes at last moved off the door to glare at me instead, shooting daggers and breaking my heart all the more. I did this. I put that hatred there. I gulped. "How is she?"

"Bad." he sneered furrowing his brows and going back to stare at the door. "How else would she be after starving herself to unconsciousness?"

The evident accusation in his tone was painfully obvious, like a slap, or a kick in the guts. I knew he would had been mad if ever finding out, but somehow I hadn't fully prepared myself for that possibility. I thought she was doing better and that he wouldn't had to find out.

"C-can we talk?" I tried, desperate to rebuild this bridge between us that was breaking the more the seconds stretched.

"Aren't you a talkative one?" he scoffed in dry disbelief and more guilt suffocated me from inside. "Only when you find it fitting, that's it."

"Nate, please."

He sighed forcefully through his nose, his jaw clenching all the more and so did his fist over his thigh. He didn't want to, I could tell. Every fiber of his body was screaming in agressiveness at the mere thought of talking to me was awful. Yet he surprised me when he suddenly stood, not uttering a syllable and walking to the hallways wordlessly.

I crossed looks with Seth for a second but he quickly shrugged, taking the now empty seat on the waiting room and I frightedly followed Nate out, nerves creeping my being from inside out.

Nate was waiting by the door, next to the interior plant. His back against it and one knee bent with the sole of the sneaker against the wall -but I couldn't find it in me to point it out, I was too stressed thinking of ways of how this conversaion was going to develop.

I felt numb, my hands were shaking and my mouth dry. How the hell was I going to solve this? He wasn't even looking at me, and considering his previous glared, the hurt in his eyes... What could I probably say that would make me look less miserable?

"Nate, I-"

"Since when?" he cut me instead, halting my pulse for a horrible second.

"Baby, please-"

"Since when, Hailey?" I flinched at his harsh tone, unforgivable, relentless, there wasn't a thing I could say that would make him look a me any better. I could already see the wheels of his brain turning, painting me as the bad guy, the horrible friend, the liar.

All in all, there was just one way to go now: come clean. No matter how hard that was.

I moistured my lips, willing myself to answered his question. "Short b-before christmas."

Nate's eyes tainted with more shock and betrayed disbelief. "Christmas? You've known about her being like this for the past four months?" he stepped off the wall and away from me, letting out a breathless chuckle that sounded more pained that funny, his gaze unable to hold mine as it scroll frantically everywhere, his mind going full speed processing my words. "You've been lying to me. All this time..." he spat venomously, like not believing his own words and finally looking at me; but I wished he hadn't the moment his stare clashed with mine. He was looking at me like he'd never before. With disgust. "You watch my friend die for months and you did nothing?"

"She's my friend too." I retorded, straightening my spine at his tone but it only made him angrier.

"Then you have a shitty way to show it."

With every uttered word the initial knot in my heart twisted more and more 'til it felt like it was held at knife point, verging being stabbed. The tears that'd been shielding in my eyes ever since everything got out of control stung now. "I was there for her."

"Look where it got her! You clearly weren't!" he beamed gesturing towards the waiting room and I had to look away from his heated glare, hating myself and every decision that'd brought us here.

This is all my fault, isn't it?

"I never meant for this to happen."

"But it happened, Hailey." sentenced him back, not sparing me a second and I curled more and more wishing to disappear into thin air. "Haven't you done enough? I don't think she's gonna want to see you after everything. You should just go." he spat breaking my heart completely.

He was talking for Kimberly, but I could read between the lines that he was talking of himself too. He didn't want me there. He didn't want to see me at all. Because all of this was my fault.

I failed my friend.

I failed my boyfriend.

I failed everyone thinking things were more undercontrol than what they actually were.

Naive, that's what I'd been. I should had done something about it. A better person would had.

"I-I'm sorry." I whispered, tears falling free now and my chest burning like fire. This was all my fault.

His eyes shone in pain but he covered it in anger once more. "Whatever, Hailey." he huffed sitting in the nearest chair resting his head on his hands, elbows on his knees and tugged at his hair stressfully. "A sorry isn't going to solve it now."

I looked away wiping my tears, uselessly as they were replaced quickly. I failed everyone. I thought I could help and this case was clearly too much for me. I hadn't done anything other than disturbe and fool myself in hopes she was getting better when in reality this was way out of my league. I'd been too naive. Too stupid and trustful. Kimmy wasn't herself in this, of course she would lie about it. I shouldn't had been so innocent and trust her word on it.

"I-I k-know." I sniffled but he only shook his head, still not looking at me at all. "I d-didn't mean for this t-to happen."

When I got no other reaction from him I got the hint I wasn't needed at all there. Nor wanted. I only disturbed the original group of friends. I was the intruder. The one that allowed this to happen because I was too delusional to look out for real help.

I took one step backwards, wiping under my eyes again, a whole new level of dispair filling my chest. "I'm really sorry." I waited for another second but he still not metting my gaze, his shoulders tenses as ever. And I was the cause of it. "J-just let me know when t-there's a new update."

Again, there was no answer, he wouldn't even look at me. Holding back a cry out I walked back across the waiting room, entering the lift just as it opened, not being able to handle this building tension and guilt in my chest.

I didn't deserved to be there. I hadn't been a good friend at all and now I didn't deserve nor had the right to be there worring for her.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and as I slipped it out I took in the couple of missed calls from my mother. Her name flashed across the screen as it began ringing again. Shakily I slid the green button and brought to my ear, muffling my weeping sounds in a fist as I struggled to calm down.

"Hailey?" her voice came in worried and rushedly. "Where are you? Arthur is saying a student has been driven to the hospital and the coach said you were there as well..."

"Mom-" despites my best intentions my voice trembled and a new sob shook me.

"What is going on? Are you okay?"

"I-I screw up."

Everything was falling appart. It was as if someone had pulled the rug under my feet and everything was stumbling down after. I wasn't doing as fine as I thought. It was easy to fool myself when I had a little too much hope.

A scholarship. That was the only real thing I had at the moment. And even that felt like it wasn't even there at all.

Everything else was like dust in the wind, all the words were meaningless. Lies everywhere, everyone lying at once... From my mother's priority being a fucking deranged abuser over me, Seth turning his back at the first mishap, now Kimmy was in a grave condition and Hailey... She'd looked straight to my face and lied at me for months.

It hurt. Everywhere. I thought I was doing okay. I thought I was getting better, that things were better, but it was all gaslight.

The past hours had been literally hell. I was feeling so much at once that I felt numb. I couldn't concentrate in one feeling I just keep seeing things in a loop as we wait for them to stabilize Kimberly. I keep seeing everything going down in my life. My family drama, Harold's last outburst, Kimmy fainting, Hailey crying... Why did I made her cry? I hated hurting her, but again I was too ravished from inside to process things properly and it seemed like everything just added a new pound to the weight squeezing my chest at every new realization.

The sun was already set when I parked Letty before my building. They'd finally allowed us to see Kimberly once they brought her to a room. She was still out, connected to a machine that beeped along with her pulse and they were feeding her through some kind of tub connected to her wrist, as the doctor fed her mother with a lot of clinical stuff and terminology to explain what I heard Hailey telling the paramedic hours ago: that she wasn't eating. And we didn't know for how long.

Now it all make sense. Her exhaustion, how thin she was getting, the hair falling, her being kicked out the cheers squad, the whole stop hanging out with us... because if she did, we would notice something was off with her eating habits and we would had done something about it.

But Hailey knew. And she did nothing. I knew Kimmy was hiding something, but why did Hailey had to lie?

What the hell? How could had she allowed that?! I tugged at my hair for umpteenth time today but the buzzing in my ears didn't stop. My mind was going overdrive over every detail from the day, over every time my friend acted weird, every chance Hailey had of telling the trust...

I didn't get it. Everything was spiraling down to a dark tornado and I saw myself falling and sinking more in the darkness as I lost more and more pillars that kept me sane.

How did everything spin out of control from a good birthday to this?

I couldn't even cope with everything. Somehow I just wanted to slid in bed and dream forever more, to forget today even exist, to go back to blissful ignorance. But it wasn't possible for me. My life was this and it was a massive shit. I have nothing.

My chest panged once more, shattering against the cold numbness and making me cringe.

Why? We were supposed to be a team. I hadn't ever been more compromised about something than our relationship. Layer by layer, undressing my soul for Hailey to take and own...

And all this time she'd been lying.

And that hurt more than anything. That made my world crumble because the little stability I though I'd managed was crumbling too into nothing and in shock I realized I was basing my late happiness on her behalf. If she was fine I was too; if I saw her' she'd immediately cheered me up... I was too dependant on her. And she used it to her advantage. Who knows what else had she been untrustful about.

All my previous second thoughts and hesitations about jumping into a relationship were confirmed, and not only I got disappointed but I also got played. I loved her and that blinded me. I let her words and reassurance stopped me from seeing beyond that. I was just as blind as I blame my mother to be, and all because I love her.

Entering my flat was the last thing I wanted to do right now, but after Kimmy's mother had arrived and the raven-haired girl was still unconscious, there wasn't much I could do there. Seth stayed as long as I did, not really speaking but irritating me. He'd been ignoring both of us for too long, over his stupid unrequited crush, and now he was all worried? It made my blood boiled. I ignored his attempts to initiate a conversation, managing only monosyllables and sharp returns to his half-assed apologies.

So childish.

I'd turned down my phone long ago, not wanting to be disturbed by incoming calls or more excuses from certain people. I wasn't in the right mood to get it. But too late I realized by doing that I also locked out my mother. And the moment I entered the flat and was met by her gaze as she lifted it from her spot on the couch, I knew I'd worried her.

"Nathan-"

But her rushed call was cut by a sudden force from my side that crashed me agaisnt the furniture at my side, its borders digging in my skin painfully and I knew it'd leave a mark. "Oops, didn't see you there. You know, since you're never here anymore..."

I didn't need to look up to know Harold was glaring at me as I straightened myself once more, my hand flying to pressed over the spot where the pain was stronger. My nerves were all alert, knowing this might escalate to more if I stay, specially once I noticed the alcohol stench. I didn't need this confrontation right now.

Yet I was aggressively pulled back when I tried to scurry to my room. "Hey!" pain erupted in my scalp as his fist clenched on my roots, pulling aggressively so my head was pulled back in an awkward angle that hurt my neck and my hand flied to cover his to no use. "I'm fucking talking to you, piece of shit."

"Harry." My mother tugged his free arm but he shrugged her off violently, slamming me against the wall and my brain screamed as the back of my head slammed against the harsh surface. White pain numbed my limbs for a second and he used it to press his forearm agains my throat, cutting my air intake.

"Enough. Where were you, uh? Fucking one of your sluts?"

"Harry." my mother tried to intervene again but I couldn't see her between the black dots and his hideous wild eyes occupying my whole eye-shot. Too exhausted to deal with it I closed my eyes preparing myself for whatever he was about to do, drained of all the fight I had left.

"What?" snapped him harshly, ignoring her lame attemps as usual. At least today she felt like trying. "Not my fault your failed-abortion show up whenever he feels like it. Does this looked like an hotel to you?"