Flora not talking to me somehow felt worse than breaking up with her a year ago. Back then it was like brutally ripping a bandage off. At least I knew it was over and for a legitimate reason. This time the dull pain was persistent and expanding, like being punched in the stomach repeatedly.

I joined Janet for lunch since Flora obviously didn't sit with me in our little corner anymore. No, scratch that. She wouldn't even look at me. I was on my way to AP chemistry with Nicholas this morning when we bumped into her. Nicholas was a friend of mine who Flora used to term as "one of my smart friends" in a derogatory tone as if being smart was a terminal illness, and she claimed that she had less interest in him than a fake tan. However, this morning she had acted like he was the most fascinating person since Steve Jobs and ignored me completely. I was suddenly so low on her list of people to talk to it was perplexing to the point of intolerable.

"J, hypothetically, if I had been flirting with a girl a lot, and after we kissed and I told her I liked her, she laughed and started avoiding me...that means I should back off right?" As soon as I laid it out plain like that, I realized I had already answered my own question.

Janet turned to me with eyes like saucers. "What? Sean Foster, you're a horrible friend! You don't tell me anything!"

"J, that's not the point. I'm really suffering here."

She glared at me. "I'm not helping you with anything unless you tell me who you're referring to. I'm beginning to think you only talk to me when you need someone to play live at your party."

If I wasn't so miserable, I really wouldn't have said anything. "It's not that. The reason I didn't tell you is because...it's Flora."

"Flora?" Her eyebrows shot up. "That's original. When are you two going to start getting over each other?" She was silent for a while as she pondered this idea. "Wait. Now a lot of things are starting to make sense. No wonder it's eternal sunshine on Floraland these past few weeks."

"What do you mean?"

"She didn't say anything, but she's chirpy and excited all the time like she's in a relationship. I thought it's because she likes planning the party, but now I see it's because she's planning it with you." Janet's eyes danced with interest. "Steamy! Are you going to get back together?"

"No, didn't you hear what I said? She's been avoiding me ever since the party. I think she's playing some kind of game, and once I made my confession it's over."

"I don't think so. Tell me the situation one more time, in details."

I told Janet everything I could think of with her interrupting every two sentences with excited encouragements.

"I have a pretty good idea about what this is about. But first off, let me just tell you that Flora doesn't talk to me about you, so I have to learn all this by being extremely perceptive," Janet said smugly in an excruciatingly slow tempo, building the suspense. "She thinks I'm on your side, but I'm actually on hers. I think you are real horrible to her."

"What?" I drew a sharp breath. "What have I ever done to her?"

"You were so hard on Flora, but you were willing to take all the emotionally abusive shit Leslie dumped on you. You broke up with Flora after she threw one irrational tantrum, but you let Leslie manipulate you until she finally had to leave. It's just very unfair. I mean, Flora doesn't know how twisted your relationship with Leslie was, but at least she could see how protective you were with her when you brought her to the beach."

I gaped at her. "Jesus, Janet."

"Flora must have felt very hurt when you were dating Leslie, and you're only coming back to her because your evil ex left," she went on. "It's like you are choosing her by default."

I didn't really care that no one knew the real reason behind our breakup, because I didn't want Flora's friends to think of her differently. Janet, in particular, thought of infidelity the way a neat freak thought of dirty dishes clogging up the sink. I had accepted being wronged and being blamed, but somehow being accused of not liking Flora enough was unbearable.

"Janet, is that what you think? That I was nicer to Leslie and I liked her more?"

She shrugged. "Isn't that obvious?"

I shook my head, not believing this. "I like Flora better than anyone else." I liked Flora even when I was still dating Leslie, but this part I didn't admit out loud. Flora was always my favorite mistake.

"Then you have a really weird way of showing it," she commented.

"I met Leslie at a time when I was depressed, and she helped me. I felt like I owe it to her to try, and I didn't want to disappoint someone who cared about me that much," I explained. "That's why I didn't give up. And later it got better."

In the end, I was becoming comfortable in that relationship, and for a while I honestly thought I loved her. But once she left, we went from hanging out daily to not even a single e-mail because Leslie believed in a clean break, and I was fine. It didn't affect me the way Flora affected me. All Flora did was stop smiling at me, and already I felt a constant grey cloud hanging overhead, the kind only she was capable of producing.

"As to being protective of Leslie that day on the beach," I went on, "it's because I knew she was uncomfortable around our friends. I never need to worry about Flora like that. You know how she is. You can ship Flora off to anywhere in the world, even a primitive tribe, and ten minutes later she would be elected tribal chief already."

Janet laughed. "That is true."

"And besides, I was paying attention to Leslie because I didn't want to gawk at Flora in her white bikini."

She smirked. "So you did notice."

"Of course I did. I was just very discreet about it."

Janet nodded and smiled again, happy with my confession. "That cleared up a lot of things," she said.

"I'm only telling you this because you're my best friend and I don't want you to get the wrong idea."

"Okay...if you die a tragic death suddenly, I'll make sure to spread the words that Flora is your one true love." Janet was grinning uncontrollably. I didn't get what she was so happy about.

"I'm serious, J. I thought it was not bad with Leslie, but with Flora it's just...so good. And now she's making me quit cold turkey."

"Awww." She made a sympathetic noise, finding amusement in my misery. "If you like her so much why break up with her?"

"There are things you don't know about us. Let's just say that...I never really felt Flora took me seriously, and at the time it felt like the right decision. But now I'm not so sure anymore. Why are you smiling like that?"

Janet leaned back and took her time sucking on her orange juice. When she put it down, she looked at me all wise and profound, like she just took a peek in the crystal ball and saw my future. "I'm smiling because you're in luck. I can predict that in two weeks' time, you'll be back with Flora."

"Right. I'd consider myself lucky if she just stops avoiding me."

"Trust me, she took you seriously. I really shouldn't tell you this, but Flora was devastated when you broke up. She was so crazy about you back then, and I just realized that she still is."

"Janet, you don't need to say these things to make me feel better."

"Sean, I know Flora says she loves throwing this party, but let's face it, she's a lazy person and she has better things to do than visiting your neighbors and asking freshmen for help," Janet reasoned, and she was making so much sense I wondered why I couldn't see it before. "If she was to throw one for herself she would just rent a presidential suite and throw money in the air. And she did all these just so she could make out with you in an angels costume?" Janet shook her head. "She told us you're the best kisser ever but surely you can't be that good."

I thought of Flora sitting in front of the laptop carefully going over the guest list. Picking up luscious branches with me in the park. Calling me at midnight to make sure we could cut off the electricity in my house. Telling me that she admired me and wished the best for me. Begging people to stay sober. Getting my parents jazz tickets. Kissing me the way she did, wrapping her arms around me like she didn't want to let me go.

Janet set down her carton of orange juice triumphantly. "You're so clueless I don't know how you can survive in the dating jungle without me. I think I'm going to start charging for relationship consultation."

Could I really be that lucky? Could the girl I cared about above everything actually cared about me too, just in her own way? It was nothing short of a miracle.

"But why would she act like this now? She's not the kind of person who deliberately tries to test me."

"Flora is just a regular girl. She wants to feel special too. When have you ever made an effort?" Janet asked. "I mean, Flora chose you, and Leslie chose you. So did everyone else before that. You just accepted whoever that fell in your lap."

"Hey, you make me sound like I have no standards."

"Okay, fine, you may filter out the ones you don't like, but still it doesn't change the fact that you always pick the easy path," Janet continued. "You're too lazy to work for it. You just respond."

Was I really that lukewarm toward relationships?

But Flora was different. Not being with Flora had hurt like I never imagined.

"If she wants reassurance, I can give her that," I said.

"You should, Sean. Show her that you're serious about her, even though you've never chased a girl in your whole life," she teased.

Dylan appeared at this moment, and he whacked Janet over the head. She turned to glare at him. The three of us had been in school together since first grade, and that was how Dylan always greeted her.

"Did you get in a fight with Flora?" he asked me, pulling out a chair and sitting down.

"You must have done something to piss her off." Jake joined us a second later. "Because last time I checked she was clinging on to you like a sloth in a rain forest, but now she's...there." He nodded to Flora's table across the room.

"Something like that," I said. "But I'm going to fix it."

"Just give her flowers," Dylan said, always eager to offer his unappreciated opinion. "I give Syd flowers whenever I do something wrong."

"Sydney must be opening up a florist shop any day," Janet remarked dryly.

"Flowers cost money," Jake objected. "Write her a poem. For some reason girls really like it. I can even let you borrow one of mine." He unwrapped his burger and started reciting. "Roses are red, violets are blue, forget about poetry, let's just screw."

"Do you really manage to get laid with that?" Janet asked skeptically.

Jake grinned. "I'm beginning to think anything that comes out of my mouth works."

"Hey, I got one too," Dylan piped up. "Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got herpes, you should check too."

They snickered like hyenas and high-fived each other. They really were each other's biggest supporters.

Janet rolled her eyes at me across the table. "You can do better than that."

I was never a flowers and candies type of guy, and I had few romantic tricks up my sleeve. But if this was what Flora wanted I would willingly work for it, even if she wanted me to suffer a little in the process.

***