❝𝙰𝚂𝙷𝚃𝚁𝙰𝚈❞

tw: mentions of murder?

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It was out of instinct, as my mum rose her fist to beat me, i grabbed a knife and killed her. Blood was everywhere and she fell to the floor with a loud thud. I was in shock, of course I would be. But it was defence, she had been beating me since i was 10 anyway. I quickly dropped the knife and screamed "SOMEONE HELP!" but by the time they arrived to help, i was gone. My dead mother was not.

I went straight to my boyfriend, Ashtray's, and my best friend, Fez's after that. Ash held me in his arms as i laid my head on his stomach, the pit of guilt in my stomach from what i'd just done. I was sobbing into him as he kissed my forehead and held me close for comfort. I told him what had happened and thankfully, he wasn't mad at me. It was defence.

"You can stay here with us, baby" he told me in a soft tone, rubbing my back gently. I didn't want to interfere with him and Fez. I looked up at him. "It's okay, I don't need anybody..i'm fine on my own" I explained in a whisper. Ashtray shook his head and sighed. "You told me that already once, i'm not believing that lie again. You're staying here"

I made no move to argue with him at this point.

3 months after moving in with Fez and Ash, i was doing much better. All i needed was good company from the people I genuinely loved. Ash and i have this new thing where we dance around to our favourite song in the living room or when we bake we make alot of mess from throwing flour or eggs at each other. Did we care? No. We enjoyed each other's company. Thats all we needed.

We talk to each other everyday. Even if we have spoken about it thousands of times or even if we have absolutely nothing to talk about. I could spend my entire life talking with Ashtray, cuddling with him. Sometimes i have bad memories from my mum but Ash would take as much time out of his day to comfort me about it. I'd lay in his arms and cry.

"I'm sorry for making your jacket wet.." I chuckled awkwardly and Ashtray looked down at his wet tracksuit and let out a small laugh. "Don't worry about it, ma. It's okay" he replied and kissed my forehead before snuggling me back into his chest.

All i needed was comfort. And Ashtray was my comfort crowd and my company. I wouldn't trade him for anything on this earth and thats a promise.