❝𝙰𝚂𝙷𝚃𝚁𝙰𝚈❞

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I sat by her side in the hospital, she wasn't awake yet and hasn't been for 5 hours. The car accident she was in was really bad and as soon as Y/n's mum told me what happened, Fez and i rushed straight to the hospital to see her.

So here i am now, holding her cold hand, stroking it with my thumb gently. Tears were running down my face. I knew she wasn't gonna die, the doctors said so but its knowing that she's in pain that hurts me and knowing she hasn't been awake in a few hours.

Fez and Y/n's mum let me spend some time with her, even though she was asleep, i was hoping i'd be one of the first people she sees when she eventually wakes up. I was too busy thinking about Y/n that I didn't even notice Fez walking in. "I know you're gonna hate this man, but we gotta leave.." he spoke sadly and i shook my head quickly.

"No, i gotta see her when she wakes up!" I protested and Fez sighed. "And nobody knows how long that will be, lets go" he spoke again. I glanced at Y/n one last time before getting up slowly and walking away with Fez, just as i made it to the door, i heard a voice. "Hello?" I turned to see Y/n, her eyes open but not wide open.

I rushed to her side immediately. "Y/n, you're awake" i went to hold her hand but she pulled it away in panic, her eyes widened in fear. "Who are you?" She asked slowly and my heart broke. "I'll get a doctor" Fez spoke awkwardly and walked out. I sunk in the chair with tears filling my eyes while Y/n looked at me curiously. "Are you crying?" She questioned.

I scoffed at her. "No...I don't cry" I mumbled and she hummed in response. "You didn't answer my question" she spoke up again, I didn't look at her, the fact she doesn't remember me just makes my heart ache terribly. "What question?" I asked. "Who are you?" She asked once again. I sighed. "I'm your um...boyfriend, Ashtray. Ash for short" I whispered and i looked at her, she was looking right at me.

Her mouth was formed in an 'o' shape. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and now..you don't remember me" I chuckled weakly, wiping my tears away. I watched as she reached her hand out and held mine. "I'm sorry I don't remember you..but I promise i'll try my best too" she spoke with a soft smile. I nodded with a smile, it was a faint one.

—

Y/n was finally out of the hospital. She remembers her mum obviously and her family life. But none of her friends or any other memories like that. I've been trying to start her memory up again and took her to places that we've been too or show her pictures of her and her friends or her and me.

"This is a picture of our first kiss, we didn't actually know Lexi took it though" I laughed a little and handed her the picture. She took it and smiled at it, but I knew it was a forced smile. "Here's a picture of you and Maddy, the first party she ever took you too..I remember how much you hate them" i handed her another one and she looked at it.

"I think I remember Maddy..." she spoke slowly with a smile, that one was a real one. Maybe she doesn't want to remember memories with me? She forced a smile at a picture of us but with a picture of her and Maddy...it was real. "Oh and here's-" i was cut off by her. "Do you think I could hang out with Maddy?" My smile faded but..I couldn't stop her so i forced again. "Sure..." I replied and she thanked me before rushing off quickly.

I dropped the picture that was in my hand, tears filling my eyes again. "Yo, you okay?" I heard Fez, i turned to see him standing at my doorway. "I...I don't think Y/n wants to remember me, Fez" I whispered, looking back down at the pictures of us. "What makes you say that?" He asked. "She doesn't seem to care when i try and make her remember us..but she cares about you, Maddy, Rue, Lexi...why not me? why doesn't she want to remember us?" I questioned, my gaze never leaving the pictures.

"Ash...she's probably just overwhelmed. She woke up from a 5 hour coma and all this stuff is dumped onto her. Just give her more time, she'll come back to you..." he explained, i nodded and sniffled. "Yeah, all she needs is more time" i told myself. Wanting it so badly to be true. She'll come back to me...

—

She found a new guy. She's completely forgotten about me, she didn't even try to gain her memories of us back, we were technically still together but..i knew i had to let her go. It was time. I knocked on her door and she answered with a smile. "Hey Ash" she spoke happily, i missed her. I missed us. "Can we um..talk?" I asked. She pulled a face but let me in nonetheless. We went up to her bedroom and sat on her bed.

"So uh..you remember when i said that i was your boyfriend?" I questioned and her smile faded. "Oh..yeah, im sorry.." she spoke quickly and i hushed her with a weak smile. "Don't apologise..its okay if you can't remember us" I reassured, my heart aching at what i was about to do. "Technically..we didn't break up so, i'm here to break up with you. You deserve a relationship that you can remember and..." i stopped and sniffed.

"And you lost the memories from what we had. I got you a box of our favourite pictures though...just incase, you know?" Tears blurred my vision and with shaking hands, i handed Y/n the box. She looked at me with sad eyes and took it from me, looking at it carefully before looking at me again. "I'm so sorry, Ash.." she whispered and i held her hand.

"You have nothing to be sorry for...I promise" i murmured softly and tears began to fall. "I just want you to know that i'll always love you..even if you don't love me too. Goodbye Y/n" i gave her a kiss to the hand before walking away, too heartbroken to give her one last look.

i walked away with all our memories

while she had none of them.

—

I heard the front door close, giving me a sign that Ashtray left. I felt awful...I didn't even try to remember what we had. I looked down at the box in my hand and slipped the lid off, revealing a bunch of pictures. Mostly Ash and i, attached to the lid was some sort of note, i pulled it off and opened it.

Dear Y/n,

I know you don't remember our relationship and you've moved onto a new one now so its pretty pointless giving you these. But maybe you'll remember our relationship one day, i put a bunch of our favourite pictures together in this box. They're in the order that i put them in on this letter so if you continue reading, they'll be an explanation for each.

I pulled out the first picture. It was Ash and i, we were giving each other an awkward side hug. He had a look on his face, as if he was glaring at someone while i was laughing.

This is our first date, Fez insisted on taking that photo no matter how much i hated it. It was our 'first awkward hug' as you called it. You found it funny at how awkward and adorable the start of our relationship was. It was irritating at how much you teased me at first but...the further we got into our relationship, the more i found it funny too.

I smiled and laughed before taking the next picture out. It was Ash and i sharing a milkshake, he had ice cream on his face and so did i.

The next picture is you and i at our favourite ice cream and milkshake place. 5 minutes after we both threw ice cream at each other. Pretty childish huh? That's what Fez said, at least Rue found it funny. Afterwards, we both put our money together to buy a milkshake. I ordered a Y/F/I (your favourite icecream) because i knew how much you loved it, especially from that place.

My heart warmed and I could've sworn that I remembered a few bits from that day causing my eyes to widen. I had to remember more so i grabbed the next picture. It was a picture of me while Ash was sleeping peacefully on my chest.

This one was your favourite because it apparently 'shows my soft side' you've probably forgotten that i'm a badass drug dealer who whacked someone with a hammer, right? It didn't bother you, and i hope it doesn't now. You loved this picture because you knew that behind all the badass things i did, there was a normal teenage boy. At least, thats what you told me anyway. It was also our favourite cuddling position because you loved to hold me.

I was starting to gain some memories back, i remember that day. I remember telling him that. I smiled brightly because i was remembered and i grabbed one more picture. Ash and i's first kiss. I remember him showing me this one before i rushed off to see Maddy and the girls.

My personal favourite, our first kiss. I loved it, you loved it too. Lexi unexpectedly took this picture and i was pissed at her after but...i grew to love it and eventually thanked her for it. The kiss was incredibly soft and pretty quick, it was more like a peck and I'm surprised Lexi managed to capture it. Our kisses after that were more then just a peck but I wont get into detail about those ones. I miss them too much. And i miss you too, more and more each day...

Tears were falling down my cheeks and blurring my vision. I continued to read and look at the pictures and more memories filled my mind. I remember it. Our relationship, I remembered it all. I dropped the letter and rushed downstairs, shoving my shoes on before running to Ash's house. I had to tell him. I had to tell him I remember. I had to tell him i love him.

—

I was sobbing uncontrollably, which is completely unnatural for me and it shocked Fez..i even shocked myself. But i just lost the most important girl in my life. All because of a stupid car accident, i just wish I could go back in time and save her from it, i'd still have her and she'd still know me. She'd know us.

As my sobs went away, i heard a knock at the door. 'Just great..' I thought before getting up to answer it. I was shocked to see who it was. "Y/n?" I asked in a whispered, my voice was shaking and my eyes were red from the crying. "I remember Ash. I remember everything. And...i love you, i love you so damn fucking much and I almost lost you"

I was shocked but incredibly happy. I launched forward and pressed our lips together, it was the most amazing kiss we've ever shared. It was also filled with loads of emotions. Sad, happy, relieved. We pulled away and I whispered "i love you too..i love you so much" i sobbed and she cupped my cheeks, crying too. "I'll never leave you again.."

"What made you remember me?" I asked and she smiled. "The box" she answered and my heart warmed. "The box was a good idea, huh?" I spoke with a small laugh causing her to laugh too. "Definitely, come on. Lets go cuddle..we can watch a movie too. And tomorrow we can get milkshakes!" She suggested, voice filled with excitement.

"Anything for you, ma" I replied and we went inside. She laid on the couch and allowed me to lay on her chest. I've missed this...i've missed her..