"When the night, has come

And the land is dark,

And the moon is the only light we'll see"

I woke to the melodious voice that seems to be coming down from the hall. And not just any melodious voice, his voice. I haven't heard him sing since.. I don't even remember the last he was singing.

I look out to see it's still dark. I check the clock on the nightstand that reads 3 am.

What is Christian doing at 3 am?

I turn to see Mila fast asleep besides me. I kiss her forehead and get out of the bed. Just as I was about to leave the room, I realized that i'm only wearing an oversized shirt. I blushed furiously at the thought of Christian seeing me in this and slip on a robe and get out of the room.

"No I won't be afraid,

Just as long, as you stand, stand by me"

I follow the voice which seems to be coming from the living room. As I near, I hear the piano tunes too. I'm surprised I didn't here them before.. maybe I was too focused on his voice.

I stand in the corner, in shadows as I look at him. He is wearing a dark blue tshirt and grey sweatpants. His hair is messed up and his eyes are closed as he plays the piano. It's almost like he knows what is he playing, like he has played this song a million times before.

But then I notice his expression. It is pained, like he has a lot to say but he cannot but his features says it all. He is over thinking again. And if I didn't know him inside out, i'd say it probably must be something about work or his mother or something. But I know it's about me, I know it's about today afternoon..

"Stop it", I whisper-shout.

"Stop what?"

"This", I say as I put a hand on his thigh so he stops tapping the floor furiously. He yanks his leg away from me immediately as looks out of the window.

We are currently seated in Dr. Gerald's office, waiting for her. I would be lying if I'd say I was happy to come here, to Grey Sloan Memorial. I mean i'm going to be practically treated in the same hospital as Christian's ex Dr I-don't-know-her-first-name Claire. There is a big fat chance I might die from wrong medicine than the cancer itself.

But he says that this hospital is the best for cancer treatment and he wants nothing but the best for me. Though i'd rather go to any other hospital than this but hey, Christian's money, Christian's choice.

This seems like it's forced, you'd say, but honestly at this point, I don't care anymore. I'm done living upto everyone's expectations of being the perfect person. I mean I never was, but I don't know why there are expectations from me to excel at every decision I make. I'm already facing karma for taking 6 years of being a father for Christian, I might as well die in the hands of Dr. Claire.

Positive thoughts, my subconscious nudged.

Whatever.

"Sorry to keep y'all waiting", Dr. Gerald says as she comes in. She is wearing a black dress and the hospital coat on top of it. Her hair is on lose and she has her glasses on, making her look a couple of years older than she must be. "Hello", she shakes our hands and sits across on her chair.

I take it as my cue to speak. "I came in a month ago..", I start but she cuts me off.

"I remember you. The one with the little girl that Dr. Claire had to take care of off. That put her in a grumpy mood all day", she chuckles. "I see you didn't come with your partner", she remarks as she eyes Christian.

I see him stiffen from the corner of my eye at the mention of 'partner'. "This is my husband", I say as an overwhelming urge to clarify it comes to me.

"Oh, then that was..?"

"My friend", I simply say. "Luke", I mouth to Christian and he frowns at me. Shit, I didn't tell him about Luke coming with me for the tests..

"Umm.. the reports..",I say as I try to change the subject and hand her the reports that I have been clutching hard like my life depends of it.

She flips through my file, examining them as I try to focus my attention to my surroundings to calm my nerves. It's a small cabin that is in the corner of the hallway that a nurse led us to. The walls are painted in white and there is a huge glass window that lets us view numerous trees of the open ground at the back of the hospital. I notice the name plate on the desk that reads 'Dr. Naomi Gerald'.

"You have stage 1 ovarian cancer", she states as she closes my file.

I nod my head slowly, trying my best to keep my breathing to normal.

"Tell me, why did you take this test?", she asks in all serious voice, contrary to what she was five minutes before.

"I was having symptoms. I was tired all the time and there was constant pressure on my lower abdomen.. so I took a test before this one actually on recommendation from a local doctor in Santa Fe ", I take the reports from the Santa Fe clinic out of my bag and give it to her, "and found out about cancer first then."

She compares the results and then looks at me. "Your cancer is spreading fast, Anastasia. Currently, you are having the Type 1B."

"What is that?", Christian says something for the first time. I look at him and see his brows are drawn together and has a no-nonsense expression plastered on his face.

"That means the follicles or cancer cells are present in both the ovaries", she answers his question. "The first test that she took didn't detect follicles in both the ovaries, indicating her cancer is spreading fast. I'm amazed how she caught the cancer before it spread much", she gives a small smile.

"What are the treatment options?", he asks.

"Well, in this case multiple surgeries are required-"

"What about chemotherapy or radiation?", Christian cuts her off and she looks at him with astonishment and a bit annoyance for cutting her off.

"Chemotherapy isn't required here. Though looking at the rate of cancer, we need to start the treatment fast. If it reaches Type 1C, it'll be difficult to cure it by just surgery."

"Type 1C?", I ask.

"Type 1C is where the cells spread from the ovaries to the fallopian tube and uterus." and I close my eyes to get the image out of my head. I need to stay positive, I need to stay positive; I keep chanting in my head.

"Schedule the surgery to the earliest possible", Christian says, bringing me back to reality.

"The earliest is after two weeks."

"Two weeks is too late."

"No Christian, two weeks is good. Mila's school is starting next week, I don't want anything disturbing that", I tell him. He looks inconvenienced, but doesn't say anything.

"Oh about that", Dr. Gerald starts and gets our attention, "usually ovarian cancer at this stage is rare. And pregnancy reduces the chances of it. In your case, despite of one pregnancy, you got the cancer cells. This is a really rare case", she says as she hands me back my files.

"Is there a chance that.. my daughter can get..", I trail off but she gets my point. "Anastasia, I suggest you don't think about the future now. I know it is hard to not think about the future when it is our own child we are thinking about, but you need to stay positive through this okay?" So that means there is a possibility.

I nod my head a little. But how is it possible to just brush aside the fact that my daughter is also on the other side of this double edged sword?

We left Dr. Gerald's office in complete silence. The only noise around me was of footsteps of the nurses and doctors walking hurriedly to attend the patients. I will be one of them soon. I sigh and try to focus on Mila's school which will start next week but my mind wanders to the darkest places that I shouldn't be thinking of right now.

Suddenly, someone grabs my hand. I flinch in surprise and see Christian holding my hand tightly but he doesn't look at me. His eyes are focused ahead and together we walk to the parking lot in complete silence, his hand sending tingles down my spine.

When we reach the car, he suddenly hugs me with all his might. Almost subconsciously, my arms go around his back as I hug him back. If that wasn't enough surprise in the course of two minutes, out of nowhere, the dam bursts. Before I can control myself, i'm crying hysterically into Christian's chest, taking me by surprise. He seems eerily calm as he strokes my hair and stands there motionlessly consoling me. Did he know I was going to cry?

I don't for how long we were standing there in the parking lot or for how long was Christian stroking my hair and holding me in his arms, his grip never faltered. After what seems like an eternity, the tears finally stop. I let all the pent up fear and anxiousness out that was buried inside me for 2 months and until there was nothing much to cry about.

After a beat, he pulls just a little to look at me and then cups my face, engulfing it in his palms. He looks at me with a strange emotion but something about his expression calms me down. My breathing goes back to normal and my eyes feel heavy with all the crying.

Our faces are just inches away, his breath fanning my face. And after that, he says something, says a simple sentence that makes everything in my insides clench and yet makes me feel safe at the same time.

"You are not alone", he says in a firm yet soothing voice.

Christian is finished with his song and is just randomly playing a tune that I don't recognize. I make a decision to not disturb him from his trance and slowly walk back to my room.

He made me feel something that I needed for a long time. Even though it was a mere sentence that consisted for 4 words, it is something that gave me power. Power to fight through this. Power to make me realize I have someone by my side. And I go to sleep with those four words revolving around my mind.

"You are not alone" isn't just a sentence that he said today, but a sentence that means so much more, for me.. as well as him.

~*~*~*~

As promised ;)

Fun fact about this chapter - I wrote this chapter during my English exams to "practice" creative writing😂

Until we meet again, xoxo ~ Ava❤