it is 1 p.m. right in the middle of our economics class, the bell screams lunch time and everyone retires for the while. i do not blame them. i do not blame them for being tired. i do not blame them for being human. i do not blame myself. instead, i make way to the cafeteria and manage to overtake each body i encounter on the main road. i find my spot. right there, right there at the back. my two friends are present now, chitchating about the why's, the how's, and the who did what. i just listen, so used to the part where someone does most of the talking. the part where no one really cares about my opinion. but i prefer it this way. i process the cheeseburger and fries staring back at me, how beautiful. it is time to eat now so we eat. i take a bite, teeth sinking sauce dripping my mind souly at peace as brain cells become numb.

ew so much fat and callories, a blond girl comments, walking past our table. glaring.

this doesn't go unnoticed and they began to stare. by they i mean people. i look down my plate and slowly lose appetite. funny how the food stuffed in my mouth are now toxins i loved once. i grab a napkin and spit it all out. a friend tries to stop me.

tells me there's nothing wrong with our food.

tells me to eat.

i don't. the bell rings and four classes later i'm home, welcomed by an aroma of a seemingly-lovely meal perfumed all around and as usual mom calls me over to eat, this time i resist.

i'm really not that hungry, i rush up the stairs.

made your favourite, mom insists seconds before the phone rings. i lock the door behind me. toss the backpack over my bed. facing the mirror, i change out of my uniform, undressing each clothing until i am left in nothing more than skin and underwear.

ew so much fat and callories, i replay the girl's voice and allow it to haunt me. hold my belly, run my fingers through my sides. i feel my cheeks, pinch how much of it i want gone but mirror tell me, when did consumption of food ever feel so wrong.

~*~

not bad for a starter, thoughts?