《Helluva Harem》Money Machine
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You stare at the ceiling unable to fall asleep. You shift around a bit to find a comfortable spot on this bed but it's impossible.
Y/n: Loona is it just me or is this bed super uncomfortable? It's all bumpy and uneven.
Loona: Yeah it is. I didn't realize it the first time just because I was tired but now I do.
Y/n:[Getting off the bed] Get up, I want to check something.
Loona gets off the bed and stands next to you. You then proceed to lift up the mattress to see what is your source of discomfort. You see the culprit. 4 Large duffle bags, and as you try to lift one up you felt it's weight. It was really damn heavy. You grabbed 2 and Loona grabs the other 2 and sets the down on the bed.
Y/n: Well atleast we found the source of the bed being shit, but I want to see what's inside these bags.
Loona: Let's just hop it's not a body, sex toys, or anything illegal.
Y/n:[Opening a duffle bag] That would fucking sucks. Well it can be tha- WHAT THE FUCK!!!
You show the contents of the bag to Loona and she's shocked.
Loona: Holy Shit! Dude open the rest of the bags to see if they're the same.
You did exactly that. You opened the remaining duffle bags and are greeted with the same contents as the first bag. Huge Bundles of souls filled to the brim, there's atleast millions of souls in each bag but that's just guesstimating. You grab one bundle and counted. It had 500 bills of 500 souls.
Y/n: Loona can you count how many bundles there are in one bag, and check and see if they're 500's
Loona: Yeah, just give me a moment, I need to relax. You just stumbled upon a fortune and your not losing it. If I had this much money I'd quit working for Blitzo and spend the rest of my days in a fucking mansion. HOW ARE YOU NOT JUMPING UP AND DOWN OUT OF PURE JOY!!!
Y/n: I'm just as shocked as you Loona but I have to see how much each bag has before I lose my shit.
Loona:[Taking in a deep breath] Makes sense [Grabbing a bundle of souls] This is going take forever isn't it.
Y/n: Probably but it might be worth it.
You and Loona both counted your bags, Each bundle perfectly the same as the last, it took you hours to get the last bundle but it was worth it. The total of each bag was 500 Million and since there are 4 bags you have a total of 2 billion souls. Talk about winning the lottery.
Y/n:[Sitting down on the floor] 2...billion...souls...2...billion...souls. Im practically set for life, and I don't have to work a day anymore.[Laughing] I Don't have to do anything. Wait a minute, does hell have taxes?
Loona: Nah, you don't have to worry about taxes, healthcare, and other shit like that. We're practically indestructible, but that doesn't mean we can't feel pain and side effects from drugs or booze. The only thing that can hurt us lethally are angelic weapons but other than that, that money is all yours.
Y/n: Well shit,[Stretching] I'll think about what I can do with it tomorrow but right now I just want to sleep.[Stands up and grabs Loona's hand to help her up]
Loona: Ditto.
Moving the duffles bags off your bed and into the larger closet, you finally checked in for the night, Loona lays right next to you but you're both too tired to even speak.
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You finally woke up and heard the TV in your living room. You got up from your bed and headed into the living room. Loona was watching TV putting her feet up on the circular table. You decide to go to the kitchen grab a cup of water. None of you really said anything besides good morning. You grabbed your phone only to see isn't wasn't morning at all. It was 1:46 P.M. After you finish your water you sat on the couch, some distance away from Loona.
Loona:[Still looking at the TV] So what's the plan today? You have a fortune but not going to spend any of it?
Y/n: I'm still thinking. I just can't spend it all willy nilly, but of course it's a lot of fucking money so it won't be bad to indulge.
Loona:[Looking at you] You think the guy who lived here before is going to come back and try and get his money?
Y/n: Even if he wanted to he can't. The landlord makes you sign a contract that anything left behind is now the new owners property. Meaning all that money is legally mine.
Loona: That's cool.[Loona phone starts ringing] Hold up someone is calling me. [Looking at her phone to see the caller] It's Blitzo, give me a moment.
Loona heads over to bedroom for some privacy and takes the call. As she's talking to Blitzo you decide to grab your phone and shoot a text to Octavia.
Y/n:
You wait a few seconds until you heard your phone vibrate.
Octavia:
Y/n:
Octavia:
Y/n:
Octavia:
Y/n:
Octavia:
Y/n:
After that last message you sent your phone down on the table and went back to watching TV, nothing interesting playing since it was in commercial. The commercial that was currently playing had a women saying her hotel was a chance at redemption. Although interesting you weren't really paying much attention to it. Loona steps back into the living clearly annoyed.
Y/n: What's got you all riled up?
Loona:[Sitting down on the coach] BLITZO! He keeps trying to baby me even though I'm 22 for fuck sake, asking me where did I go after work and where I was last night. Like damn it stop worrying about it.
Y/n: He's only watching out for his only daughter.
Loona: Oh bite me!
Y/n: But it's true! He clearly cares about you Loona. He just wants you to be safe and sound, and it's not like he's going to be on your case 24/7 observing your every move. I say your pretty lucky to have a father figure like that, being able to come look for you when you feel down or lost.
Loona: I get what you're saying Y/n and I do care about My dad it's just that sometimes I don't need him breathing down my back when I'm not home.
Y/n: Well maybe if you texted him where you were going to be or say where your going for the night, he wouldn't get on your back. Ever thought about that?
Loona looks at you then scoffs.
Loona:[Smiling] Fine! Not like it matters to me, but I'll do it.
Y/n: Thank you, oh by the way. Octavia is coming over in like 50 minutes. We're gonna head to the mall and I just wanted to know if you wanted to come with us.
Loona: Sure im down, just let me change back into my regular clothes.
Y/n: I'll do the same you can change in the bathroom I'll change in the bedroom. There are bound to be some clothes i can use in the closets.
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Loona: Fine with me.
Loona got up from the couch, grabbed her clothes, and went to the bathroom, you went to the bedroom and rummaged around trying to find some clothes and shoes. You managed to put something decent together. A black T shirt. It had the head of a yellow monster with milky white eyes, a huge red scar between its eyes, it looked angry and was drooling. It's mouth wide open and it was missing quite a few teeth, and it was eating some generic looking pills. The rest of your outfit was simple, just a pair black slim jeans, and some high top skater shoes colored black and white. You gathered the clothes you wore yesterday and placed them in a pile. You made a mental note to get a laundry basket eventually.
Loona enters the bedroom in her regular clothes and goes to one of the duffle bags.
Loona:[Grabbing a bundle of souls] You plan on using any of this money today?
Y/n: Maybe. Blitzo did give me some money for yesterday's job and I still have 14,000 souls left. I plan on using most of it today though. Buy somethings that will make this apartment feel like home. Definitely some new clothes.
Loona: Yeah that makes sense.
Y/n: Well we still have some time until Octavia gets here, want to watch some TV?
Loona: Sure.
You and Loona sat on the couch watching whatever you find, you weren't really paying attention to the TV, you were just sitting there watching Loona flick through some channels. You then heard a knock on your door. You got up and checked the door hole only to see it was Octavia and someone else with her. You opened the door and saw another bird much taller than you, atleast 3 feet above you. She stared at you and scowled. You chose to ignore her facial gesture and greet Octavia.
Y/n: Hey Octavia, who's the lady?
The tall woman gasp as if you just said the most heinous shit ever, she then slaps you across the face. The slap catches you by suprise and you stumble back a bit. Loona growls at the woman.
Y/n:[covering the part of your face that got slapped] The fuck is your problem lady. You give no introduction, you act all high and mighty, then you slap me simply because I don't even know who you are.
Octavia: Holy shit Y/n I'm so sorry! I didn't expect this to happen.[Looking towards the women] What the hell is your problem Stella! I give you one chance and you go and assault my friend! What are you thinking!
Stella:[angrily] Do NOT call me Stella, I am your mother.[Pointing to you] And you, I am Stella Ars Goetia, I don't know what you [points at Loona] or that damn mutt of yours want of my daughter, and when you talk to me refer to me as Your Highness, Got it?
Y/n: Yeah sure whatever, Octavia can we skip on the apartment tour and just go straight to the mall?
Octavia:[Sounding disappointed] I guess, we have a car waiting outside.
Y/n: That's great just let me grab my stuff, y'all can go onto the car without me I'll be down there shortly.
Loona and Octavia leave your apartment while Stella stares at you then leave. You grabbed your phone and wallet. You then grabbed the envelope, took out all the money, and shoved it into your wallet. You locked the door and started making your way to the car. When you saw the car you notice that there was a Imp chauffeur. Loona was in the front staring at her phone, Octavia in back right side of the car, Stella in the middle, leaving only one seat for you, Right next to Stella. As you entered the car you accidentally bumped Stella's hand, she then recoils in disgust. The chauffeur turns to Octavia.
Chauffeur: Where would you like to go your highness?
Octavia: The Starcourt Mall please.
The Chauffeur gives a nod, turns around, and starts driving. The car was filled with awkward silence. No one really wanting to talk after this afternoons incident. After 40 minutes of mind breaking silence you finally made it to the mall.
The Chauffeur: We have arrived your highness.
Octavia:[Handing the chauffeur 50 Souls] Thank you.
Everyone exited the car and made their way inside, Octavia walks up to you.
Octavia: So Y/n, what do you want to do first.
Y/n: I feel like exploring, You guys can go where you need to go. I'll shoot you a text if I want to know where you guys are.
Octavia: Sounds good with me.[Grabbing Loona's hand] Come on Loona I heard they added a new shop that has taxidermy in it and I wanted to see it.
Loona: Let's go check it out then.
Octavia leads Loona to where the shop is, Stella following closely leaving you alone at the malls entrance. You decide to make your way to the clothing section of the mall. As you see the various outlets of fashion you saw a familiar face in the distance. It was Moxxie, but what you saw was shocking. Moxxie appeared to be holding hands with someone that wasn't Millie. You decided to head over and confront Moxxie.
Y/n: Hey Moxxie, what's going on here?
Moxxie: Oh Y/n, How are you? Don't worry about this [gesturing between him and his acquaintance] Me and Millie have an open marriage. We occasionally find other partners to help satisfy us.
That explains why you think Millie was flirting with you but it makes it weird nonetheless. You look over at Moxxie's acquaintance. Some sort of spider demon with white fur, some pink dots sprinkled around. When he smiles at you, you notice his sharp teeth and gold tooth.
?????: Don't be like that Mox tell him what we're really are.
Moxxie:[Embarrassed] We're umm.. you could say...Uh....
????? ????:[Rolling his eyes] We're fuck buddies, he pays me and takes me out on a date, I let him hit. Simple as that.
Y/n: Huh, interesting and your names is?
?????: Angel Dust. Don't wear it out,[Getting closer to your face] unless your screaming it in the bedroom.
Y/n:[Stepping back blushing] OK![Looking to Moxxie] Moxxie can I give you my phone number?
Moxxie: Oh sure, since when did you get a phone?
Y/n:[Pulling out your phone] Since yesterday. [Showing Moxxie your number] I got an apartment to.
Moxxie:[Adding your number onto his phone] That's great Y/n! Glad you're finally settling down. I sent you a message did you get it?
Y/n: Yup! Thanks Moxxie. Oh and it was very nice meeting you Angel Dust.
Angel: And it was very nice meeting you Y/n.
As you left the duo Angel looks to Moxxie.
Angel: You have to give me his number.
Moxxie:[Confused] What, why?
Angel: Come on really? He's pretty tall and if I took off these boots he'll be like a foot taller than me, He's a gentleman and has a soft tone to him but I can tell if he gets angry he won't stop at nothing until it is done, he knows how to dress, he's very respectful when you talk to him, and he is damn good looking, his face, his muscles, I wonder what it's like to be hugged by him.[Angel starts blushing at the thought]
Moxxie: Can't disagree with you at that.[Showing your phone number to Angel Dust] Here.
Angel: Thank you very much.
You decide to finally buy some clothing. You spent 2 hours browsing and buying jackets, shirts, pants, shorts, underwear, socks, and shoes from all types of stores, you even found a store that sold some human merchandise. You decide to sit down at the food court and shoot a text to Octavia asking where she is. After 3 minutes she responds saying she's at a clothing store called Hotter Topics. You recognized the name since you saw it early but didn't bother going in. After 7 minutes of walking you finally made it to the store. Loona and Octavia were just looking at some shirts when they noticed you.
Loona: Damn Y/n, you went on a shopping spree. How many bags are you holding?
Y/n:[Raising up bags] 18, there all just clothes and shoes though nothing really too heavy, even then I can probably lift more weight.
Octavia:[Giggling] I bet you could.
You chuckled a bit and notice Octavia was eyeing a certain shirt. It shows a man with a wide grin, sunglasses, and a bucket hat. He wore a blue t-shirt with a white long sleeve under it, red shorts and red shoes. He stood in front of a Taxi car.
Octavia:[Holding the shirt] Hey Y/n, Loona, what do you think of this shirt.
Loona: It looks fine.
Y/n: I think it's pretty cool, I like the guys taxi.
As soon as you finished your sentence Stella appeared behind Octavia.
Stella: You are not buying that shirt.
Octavia: Well why not, it's not that bad.
Stella: Because you are my daughter and I'm telling you not to get the shirt, I don't like it.
Y/n: You're telling your daughter to not buy a shirt just because you don't like it? That's seems kind of stupid.
Stella:[Angrily] I don't need you lecturing on how I should be raising my daughter.
Y/n:[Stepping closer to Stella] Well clearly your not raising her at all. Her happiness comes first, if she wants a shirt you get her the shirt. Instead you want your wants first over hers, that just makes you an egotistical asshole.
Stella:[Getting closer to your face] Her happiness doesn't matter when she's part of the royale family, i'm trying to teacher how to proper and not be one you... DELINQUENTS!
Y/n: So what if I'm a delinquent, ATLEAST IM LIVING AN ACTUAL LIFE AND NOT JUST SOME ROYALTY SLAVE!
Stella: OH FUCK YOU!
Y/n: YOU WISH YOU COULD!
Octavia: QUIT IT YOU TO! [Tearing up] Y/n, thank you for defending but my mom won't listen. She refuses to change.[Looking angrily at Stella] AND YOU, YOU KEEP TRYING TO RUIN ALL SORTS OF RELATIONSHIPS I HAVE WITH PEOPLE, CAN I PLEASE JUST HAVE FRIENDS THAT I WANT! You ridicule anyone I find interesting, then they leave forever. I can't fucking take this anymore, I've given you so many chances thinking you can change but you can't.
Octavia storms out of the store crying everyone following after her.
Stella: Wait Octavia!
Octavia keeps walking not even looking back. Loona follows after Octavia and you were about to aswell but you saw something that made you regret your choice of words. Stella was sitting on one of the mall benches crying covering her eyes. Instead of going after Octavia, you took in a deep breath, calmed yourself down and sat next to Stella preparing for the worst.
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