[You and the I.M.P. crew are wearing wigs and disguises on a tour bus. Moxxie looks through binoculars at Lyle's mansion.]

[Amazed]Damn...

[sarcastic] Gee! I wonder whose house this is?

And to your right is the home of famous inventor, Lyle Lipton!

[The crowd "oohs" and takes pictures with their cell phones. Blitzo removes his sunglasses, wearing a clown wig.]

Let's do it, gang!

[All the imps take out their weapons: Blitzo has a flintlock pistol, Moxxie a rifle, Millie two sharp swords, and you go unarmed. The you and the imps jump over a fence and land in poses.]

Let's kill this rich guy!

[You and the crew race over toward the windows.]

And here you'll find three tacky stalkers about to attempt a murder! Things like this could happen to famous people all the time!

[People snap pictures.]

[The crew peers through the window at an old Lyle in bed.]

Wow... That machine really did a number on him.

[Zooming in, Lyle kisses a picture in his hands.]

Goodbye... my one true love.

[The picture in the frame consists of dollar bills and a "free stock photos" watermark on it.]

All the riches of the world can't fill the emptiness I'm feeling now that my shitty old body can't do anything of value.

Oh, fantastic! He's gonna do our job for us!

[High fiving Blitzo.] Easy fucking money!

[Lyle makes a noose out of an IV tube.]

Should we go in there and tie it for him?

[Lyle is about to put it over his head as the imps watch with drinks and popcorn. The noose glows white and a force knocks the imps back. Blitzo's kitten sock flies away, making him sad. Lyle adjusts to the light and sees the three cherubs floating down gracefully in three rays of light.]

Oh lord, I'm being haunted by ugly orphan children now!

Who the fuck are they?

Oh no! Sir, those are...

Cherubs, Mr. Lyle!

I hate filthy stinking orphan children!

We're here to convince you not to kill yourself, sir. To grant you a blessing, on behalf of those in Heaven benefited by your amazing technological advances.

[angry] Oh, HELL no!

[An angry Blitzo marches in through the window, smashing the glass instantly.]

Don't forget--

[Misjudging where the floor is in relation to the window, Blitzo face-plants onto the floor. Moxxie and Millie enter through a door. You stood outside by the window still.]

Lyle Lipton, it is our--

[Moxxie glances at Blitzo before looking back at Lyle.]

...humble opinion that you should continue the process to commit die.

I mean, what do you expect to do with all this money now you're old... and gross?

And crippled! don't forget about crippled.

Is that a serious question? He can help spread his wealth around with the people of the world! And do so much good with it! And be so fulfilled!

[Keenie flies around and happily throws Lyle's dollar bills in the air.]

Nnnno!

He could pay for new hospitals and schools!

That fucking sucks.

Why won't you let me die?

[Blitzo appears beside him.]

Oh, sounds like you need help offin' yourself there, buddy. Moxxie, what do we got for this fella?

[Moxxie tosses a variety of weapons to Blitzo and Lyle.]

I have some assault weapons, crossbow, hunting bow, tommy gun, old-fashioned shotgun, revolvers in three colors, chainsaws, katanas--

He's classier than that!

Or we can give you an exclusive death with Y/n. Y/N SHOW THEM WHAT YOU CAN DO!

[You brought out your claws, jumping through the windows and onto the bed.]

Of course if your not into claws i can give you something more painful.[Showing your tendrils] These babies can rip anything apart like string cheese.

[You got off Lyle's bed giving him an ultimatum. Lyle points a rifle in his mouth, before Collin takes it from him.]

There are still plenty of reasons to live, Mr. Lyle!

No there isn't.

Yeah, right. Smells like he ain't been out of bed in months!

[Millie sniffs Lyle. She becomes visibly ill, covers her mouth, and while holding Moxxie by the shoulder, vomits on the floor.]

Life can be beautiful at any age.

And we'll show him!

[Cheers] Yeah!

[yells] Nnnnno!

We could just make this short and kill him right now.

But its more fun if convince him to kill himself.

I guess, I'm just saying we could end it here and now.

[C.H.E.R.U.B. takes Lyle and his bed outside to a hill, overlooking a forest and a lake.]

Look around, Lyle. God's gift of nature is a wonder to behold, regardless of age! Or wealth!

If you were to end your life, you'd be missing all of this!

[Blitzo appears in a tiger costume.]

Mm-hm. You're gonna buy that load of shit from a baby and the sheep it fucks?

[Blitzo does a suggestive gesture with his fingers, indicating sex.]

[Keenie covers her mouth and gasps. Collin blankly stares in disbelief, and Cletus gives a disappointed look.]

[gasps] That is so inappropriate!

[You appear Bear costume.]

C'mon, it ain't that bad. You're probably saying that cause sheep boy over there gets more action than you.

LUST IS A SIN!

Maybe if you got some dick you wouldn't you could see the reason why people go to hell. HAHA!

I WOULD IF I-- nevermind.....

Exactly!

Shut up! it's still inappropriate!

[Millie and Moxxie appear in cat costumes. Millie flips the double bird while insulting Keenie.]

Oh, kiss our ass, prude!

Cute costumes.

Thank you!

[Blitzo shoves Lyle aside in the face and sits next to him.]

Anyway, take it from me, a fellow genius. Nature is no picnic up close.

[Lyle looks through the binoculars and sees a group of bunnies and squirrels together. The critters are suddenly torn apart and eaten by a pack of hungry wolves.]

Oh no!

[tries to tug his binoculars away] S-S top looking!

[holds onto the binoculars] I can't stop! I've never wanted to die more than I do now!

[A bear swipes a wolf to the ground and raises a paw to attack. The bear is then crushed by a falling tree, cut up by a beefy logger with a chainsaw. A beehive lands on the man's head and he screams. Both his arms are chopped off by the chainsaw and his body is skewered by a charging stag as lighting flashes.]

[Everyone freezes in horror, while Blitzo fakes it and grins smugly.]

[nervously] Let's go check out someplace else!

[You, Millie, and Moxxie do a fist bump in your costumes.]

[You and the crew move to a shopping mall. Lyle, in his bed, is pushed through a wall.]

Oh, Lord. Where are we now?! Let me perish!

We're here to show you another thing life is worth living for: childhood wonderment!

Why, look at those sweet, disease-ridden vermin. Their joy comes from innocence, unspoiled by the burdens of adulthood... and their middle-class existence. Such simple joy they have. It is inspiring. Thank you for showing me this.

Hey, dipshit!

[You're Dressed up as Santa, Blitzo and Millie, are dressed as elves, while a grumpy Moxxie wears a reindeer costume. They stand by the other Santa and a kid.]

Wanna see whose lap you're sittin' on?!

[Blitzo rips off the red robe. "Santa" is revealed as an ugly gnome wearing a "#Cuties" shirt, all while making a gnome noise. The kids scream and run. Lyle sobs like a baby as Collin and Keenie cover his eyes. A concerned Cletus pushes the bed away.]

[off-screen] Santa's EVIL!!

Haha, yeah.....

[Looking towards you.] Can you give me a gift "santa"~.

[smirking] Come sit on my lap then...

[Next, Lyle is in bed in the woods next to a wooden sign reading "Lover's Lookout, I guess..."]

Eh! This place reeks of TEENAGERS!

Lovers' Lookout, sir! We're here to remind you about possibly life's greatest joy of all!

[holds up creepy grabby hands] Money!

No! Love.

I've never been in love before. I imagine it's quite nice!

It's not too late, sir! You can still find--

[You and the crew arrive wearing wigs and dresses.]

HA! Nice try, ugly.

[He pulls out a megaphone.]

Hey, horny lovers! Which one of you would fuck this old man?!

[All the cars speed away in an instant. Lyle becomes dejected.]

Unfortunate situation, sucks to suck I guess.

[gets into Blitzo's face] You know, you four are so utterly c- c- cruel! We're just trying to give hope to someone in need!

Oh, and you three are so superior to us just because WE want some selfish, greedy, authoritarian capitalist to keel over DEAD!

[Moxxie through his hands out for emphasis.]

You're makin' things too real now, Moxxie.

[Blitzo sprays piss from a spray bottle into Moxxie's face, making him flinch and hiss.]

[You walked to the edge of the lookout admiring the sunset. Keenie then appears next to you close to your face.]

You look familiar...

I assure you, we have NOT met before.

No no I remember you. Did you perhaps kill yourself around 7 months ago?

Yeah. Why?

Holy sugar honey ice tea! I tried saving you that day!

Well you sure sucked at your job...

Hey that wasn't my fault! Me and my co-workers tried getting your attention but you had a pair of damn headphones on. We got so much shit after that from the "Boss".

I guess that's my fault.

[Smug] So how is hell treating you, I'm assuming terrible. ALL THE FLAMES IN HELL AND TORTURE MUST BE REAL PAINFUL! If only you didn't have headphones on and gave us a chance.

Honestly. Hell isn't so bad.

W-what!?!

Listen to me, I'm only going to say this once. When I was alive my life was...shitty. Everyday the same shit. Wake up, live, eat, sleep, listen to my neighbors fuck hours on end, live paycheck to paycheck, stay up all night, sleep, repeat. I had no friends, no family, no relationships. I was a nobody. So when I finally got my eviction notice, I killed myself. When I first came to hell I was confused, lost, and even a little scared.[Pointing to Blitzo, Millie, and Moxxie.] But those guys over there helped me. I consider them family, Blitzo is annoying but I can tolerate him, Moxxie is a great friend, we give him shit all the time but I love that guy. And Millie, she is the best type of woman anyone can love. She's caring about her husband and me, and the way she uses her hips in the act of the devils tango makes me feel good in all the right places. AND ITS NOT JUST HER! My girlfriend Stella, she makes a great lover and is the realest person I can talk to. My boyfriend Angel Dust has a soft side that only some people can see, and I'm lucky to have that. My girlfriend Octavia is the most chill and laidback girl I know, she taught me a lot of things when I came to hell the first time. Its not just romantic relationships to. Stolas, Vortex, and T-bone are great friends. They acknowledge me, unlike the living world.

Gosh... life has treated you harshly.

Like it matters, now stop talking to me or else they're gonna think your workin' with the devil.

[Keenie looks at you admiring your optimize, she thinks to herself why such a kind and "gentle" person ends up in hell.]

Before I go, How'd you even end up in hell?

I don't know, ask your boss. Doing drugs and drinking alcohol is not a sin. I never had premarital sex, or joined any gangs. I lived what I could, but I guess suicide is a sin.

You really ended up in hell over one sin?

Like I said, I don't know now pretend you're arguing with me. Your friends are looking.

[Keenie questions her moral alignment, if she really saving everyone from eternal damnation.]

[You're now watching a woman dressed as a Viking singing opera at an auditorium while on a fake unicorn. A well-dressed man plays a piano. The cherubs and the audience are well-dressed, too. Lyle only wears a bowtie.]

Behold! The wonder of art and music! Something always here to comfort...entertain...and live for!

[Up above the stage, Blitzo wags his butt and tail like a cat.]

So...how do we make this bad?

We can't. There's literally nothing bad about opera. That's fact.

[shaking his butt in Moxxie's face] Unless we ruin it somehow.

[With a mischievous grin, Blitzo moves the spotlight around the stage. The singer pauses and follows the light as Blitzo moves it some more.]

She's not very good.

[Blitzo chuckles and moves the light faster and faster as Lyle and the cherubs narrow their eyes in suspicion. Blitzo softly gasps as he accidentally breaks the stage light off. The woman sings a final note before the light crushes her on stage. The audience, Lyle, and the cherubs scream, while the man nervously tries to keep playing the piano.]

Well, at least we made it bad.

[The three cherubs fly angrily toward you and the imps.]

THAT'S IT!! I HAVE HAD IT!! You four monsters have messed with us enough!

D'ooh, we're just trying to do our j-j-job!

Well, so are we!

[Annoyed] Like I said. this would have been easier IF WE JUST KILLED HIM EARLIER!

EEEENOUGH!!

[The Cherubs summon golden crossbows and aim them at you]

We are savin' that shitty old man's life, whether he wants it or not!

Well, someone wants that fucker dead! Okay? And he paid in advance, and I spent it all on this...

[Blitzo holds up a green horse figure wearing jewels, sunglasses and a "mare-ajuanna" cap.]

...so he's gotta go!

[Keenie flies into Blitzo's face.]

You all are such disgusting, loathsome beasts! Your kind is nothing but dirt that shitty dead people tread on! And now, you're trying to meddle with the lives of HUMANS?!

So are you! So why don't you shut your trap, you judgmental, [pulls Keenie by her necklace and snaps it back] cotton candy, tit-havin' BITCH?!

...FILTHY DEMON CRAP!! [tackles Millie]

OH SHIT, CATFIGHT! MY MONEY IS ON MILLIE!

[Intense opera music plays as the fight scene begins. Keenie and Millie roll over in a cat fight. Cletus and Collin shoot golden arrows at Blitzo and Moxxie who run away. Moxxie runs down the catwalk and jumps down, swinging from a rope. He holds a pistol in one hand and aims it at Keenie, who fights with Millie in the air. Millie slaps Keenie in the face several times. Moxxie fires at a rope which releases a bag. The bag separates Keenie and Millie, and Moxxie catches Millie. Moxxie and Millie grab each other's faces with lustful grins. They French kiss and make out as they swing and spin rapidly above the stage and fire their weapons. Blitzo spots Moxxie's bow-tie and Millie's bra fall from above. The arrows and bullets hit and kill the audience members in the first two rows, but they all miss Lyle.]

Damn! those two can fight...

[You jumped down into the crowd, sitting next to Lyle.]

Do you even understand what's going on anymore?

Yes...It's all starting to make sense now. Life is worth living because we only get one. We must cherish it. If creatures far beyond this living world are going through these lengths over my life, then certainly it's worth living! Killing myself is not the answer. Plus...I'm still rich! I can just buy all the things! I NO LONGER CRAVE DEATH!

You do you old man, I give up.

[Lyle stands up and holds dollar bills in his hands in triumph. The audience members clap. Millie and Moxxie, spinning while firing their guns and being chased by Collin and Keenie, accidentally shoot an audience member in the head and kill her.]

[Blitzo runs along the metal scaffolding with his flintlock pistol. He jumps onto another one attached with rope. He and Cletus point their weapons at each other. Blitzo attempts to fire, but finds his gun empty. After a brief stare-down, Blitzo throws his flintlock into Cletus' face.]

Oh! You fucker!

[Blinded, Cletus fires his arrow- severing the rope holding up the scaffolding Blitzo is standing on. Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie all fall with the metal scaffolding to the floor of the stage, bending a board holding the piano and narrowly missing the pianist. The pianist stops playing, puts down his stool, and uses it to step down from the bent floorboard. The piano is then sent flying through the air. Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie, Cletus, Collin, and Keenie stare as the piano keeps falling. Lyle screams like a girl and scrambles out of his bed, but the piano suddenly shifts to the spot he has just moved to. He is then crushed to death by the piano.]

[Moxxie grins as he sits tied up to Millie, Blitzo and the couple grin smugly, and you rest your head on a chair eyes closed.]

Well, well. Would'ya look at that? You... did our job... for us. Heh!

[Millie smirks as she gives the cherubs two middle fingers. Collin gasp in horror.]

Ohhhh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my Gooood!

[Keenie slaps Collin across the face.]