I heard the knock again and knew that whoever it was knew I was in here. I put down my dress I had in my hands and moved towards the door. I took in a deep breath and pulled the door open. I thought it would be Elizabeth on the other side. I was sure that as soon as the news got to her that I was heading home for a time that she would be up here convincing me otherwise.

"Lily can we talk?"

I moved out of the way and let Phillip come in. I knew it would come down to talking to him. This isn't how I wanted to talk to him or when I wanted to do it but I knew it was bound to happen at some point. He made his way into my room and was starting to look around at the trunks that were around the room.

"So it is true. You are leaving?"

"I am going home until the ball. Your mother gave me permission. She understands that I need to take a step back and see where I belong and what my heart is trying to tell me to do."

"You can't follow your heart here? I know things have been distance between us for a few weeks. I didn't mean to push you away but somethings have just been going on."

I listened to him but I wasn't going to believe everything he was saying. I wasn't going to get sucked in again. I was putting the wall up until I could decide what my heart needed. He might not understand but this was an adjustment for me and now I was taking it back into my hands until I knew what I wanted to do.

"No I need to go home. I need to be in a neutral space that I won't be influenced by anything."

"How do I know that Adam won't influence you when you are home?"

"Because Adam was the one that pushed me here. He was the one that told me to trust you to see where this could go. If he was really going to make it that I don't come back I am sure he would have already done it by now. Maybe we do need the time away so we are able to just figure out how we feel about each other. The space will be without people telling us how to feel."

I was mad, he had made me mad. Now I knew that I needed the time away because I needed to see how it would be without him around all the time. Clarity was everything right now and I needed to find it again. He obviously didn't think my feelings or what I knew would bring me back here if he thought I was so easily influenced.

"I was so sure about staying here and being with you. I know I had questions in the beginning but the last few months I was starting to see a change and see that things could be great between us. Now seeing things the last three weeks I'm not sure anymore. Now hearing you right now I really don't know. How could you question that my best friend would do something to cost my happiness?"

"That's not what I meant. I know that he cares about you and I just see him trying to keep you to himself. "

"Well you don't know the whole story."

I moved back towards the bed and packing my belongings into my chest. I would be ready to leave in a few minutes. I was sure I would need to have a carriage brought around to the door. I put the last on my things in there and turned my attention back to Phillip.

"I have until the ball to figure out everything. That is a week. I am sure you will be able to last a week. I just want to go home for a little while."

I moved towards the hallway to go find a servant to help with my chest. I was able to find one with no issue and they followed me to my room to help me move my items to the carriage. It seems that the Queen had set one up for me to take home. When I made it back to my room Phillip was still there. He watched as the servant grabbed my chest and made their way down to the carriage.

"Lily is there nothing I can do to convince you to stay?"

I just grab the last little things and started to head to the door. I had nothing to say to him anymore. I could hear him behind me following through the halls and down the stairs. It did hurt as I was walking away and not looking at him but I knew if I stayed around too long he would be able to convince me to change my mind and I needed the time away to think.

"Lily just tell me what to say that will make you stay."

I just continued on walking down the stairs to get to the front door as fast as I could, I wanted to just get out of here. I could hear it in his voice that he did have hurt in him but I had to stay strong and just keep moving. I made it to the front door and I could see Elizabeth there. I walked over to her and she just held her arms open for me to walk into them and give her a hug back. I would miss being around her all the time now that things were good again.

"I'm going to miss you. I promise I will see you as much as you want."

"I will miss you too. This is just for a few days. I will be back for the ball."

She gave me a smile we hugged each other one more time. I turned and headed towards the carriage. I watched them pack up the carriage and now it was my turn to enter the carriage. I turned and looked back to the castle doors and I saw Elizabeth standing there. I gave a wave and noticed that Phillip wasn't next to her. I figured he gave up and moved back into the castle. I got into the carriage and started my little ride home.

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Arriving home was strange because it had been months since I have been here. I wasn't sure how my parents were going to react to me being home but I was hoping that they would understand why I needed this time home away from everything. The footman brought my items inside and once the carriage started to pull away I made my way back into the place I had left. Walking in it felt like nothing had changed. I could smell my mother's cooking and it made me realize how much I missed her food.

"Mom? Dad?"

I couldn't hear them and I was wondering if they just were upset with me that they decided they couldn't see me. I made my way through the house looking to see if I could find them. It didn't take long my mother was in their bedroom putting away clothes. I walk in and she looks up and sees me.

"Lily you're home!"

"Mom I missed you."

"I miss you too. I can't believe how much time has passed. Are you and daddy mad that I am home?"

I didn't want to upset them and being a disappointment to them. I know how much they worked for it in the long run. They left everything to make sure I got a better future. I could have just destroyed it in a matter of a few minutes.

"No we understood that you needed to come to see things in new eyes. Your father and I had to do it when we were younger. He didn't believe we would work well together. I always knew that we would be perfect together. I gave him his space and let me decide that he did truly need me and that we were good together."

"You are more like your father than you would like to know."

I just moved closer to my mother. I was glad to find out that I wasn't so far off from my parents. Maybe I just needed to step back and I would see how much I did need Phillip or how much I didn't. I was afraid the decision I did make would hurt more than I wanted.

"Well I am home until the night of the ball I promised I would make my decision. I just was losing myself I felt and I needed to come home to realize who I am."

I was able to tell her the real reason why I needed to come home. I wasn't sure I knew who I was anymore. It felt like I was looking in on what was happening and I didn't want to do that anymore.

"I am happy to have you home even if it is only for a short time."

"Where is dad?"

"He is out at Lord Brockway. I am sure he will be home soon. We weren't sure if you were truly coming home. We heard the rumors but didn't know if they were true. Everyone is hoping that the treaty will be broken and they can move their daughters into your spot."

"Well I am sure if they wanted too they could because Phillip is mad at me for leaving. He didn't understand why I needed to go home for a while."

"Boys can be that way I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just like you need space he needs space too."

It was nice having my mom around. She always seemed to have the right thing to say. Phillip probably did need time just like I did. I moved away from my mom and went back to helping her put away clothes. It was just nice to be in her presence again. I heard the door open and shut. I knew my dad was home. You could hear him make his way closer to the bedroom. I was prepared that he wouldn't be as happy as my mom was. My dad was very strict about wanting this treaty to go off perfectly. I was risking all the hard work he had spent weeks and months working on. As he got closer I prepared myself that he was going to yell when he me. He walked into the room and locked eyes with me. I didn't move and I didn't say anything.

"So it is true. You did leave the castle and broke off the engagement with the prince."

"Patrick! Don't get that tone with her. She is just like you!"

"How is she just like me? I would never hurt my family like she did."

"Because you broke off our engagement to do the same thing she is doing. She needs space. She wants to know what her heart is telling her and you are going to let her do that."

I had never seen my mother like this before. She was ready to stand up to my dad and she wasn't going to back down. After she said it though you could see my dad loosen up. He relaxed and I was able to relax myself. My mom was able to get through to my father when no one else would be able too. I always wanted a relationship just like theirs. They listened to each other and worked together to get through everything.

"I guess I never saw it that way. I just know how much talk can hurt someone. We weren't in the position that talk would hurt us when I took a step back."

"Daddy I didn't do it to hurt anyone. I just need to listen to my heart. The Queen told me that I needed to listen to it or I would never be happy. The only thing is I can't listen to it with everyone telling me how I should feel."

It felt nice to get that off my chest. I was able to tell my dad how I felt and he was listening to me. Maybe I would be able to get my time I needed to sort it all out.

"I'm sorry I let what others were saying and thinking influence my judgement on you."

"Its fine daddy I am just glad to be home again. I just needed you and mom."

I moved over to him and gave him a hug. It was true I did need my parents and I needed to be home. It was comforting to know that they were here for me. Now it was time for me to dig deep and to find out what I was feeling on the inside.