I wanted to stop the trembling of my lips, the burn in my eyes and the blurring of my vision. But I couldn't and the lump in my throat was getting bigger from holding in the sobs that would surely escape my lips if I let this....weakness reign.

Nobody told me that being lonely hurts. An empty freakin' hurt! It's not like somebody I love broke up with me or a loved one of mine passed away right? No. Just everyone I know hates me.

And I miss my mom, I miss how she would tell me a little white lie just to please me, how she would send me for tea just to show me off to the women in her book club, how she would hold me tight at night as she tenderly whispered my nightmares away as her gentle hand pushed my sweat matted hair away from my forehead.

I miss my mom so bad it hurts cause I looked up to that woman, I worshiped her and wanted to be like her in every way just to make her proud. But this is clearly a sign that I will never measure up cause here I am, tearing up like a kid who just lost their candy.

My mother would never allow this, in fact she would be very disappointed in me right now. You'd never see her with tear tracks on her face cause 'That's not the Everton way' as she would put it, 'save the tears for speeches'. Even father loses his mind when she's upset cause according to him, 'Crying women are easier to deal with, you just hold'em close and apologize like your life depends on it'. That's what I heard his saying to Mr. Stone one day so you can imagine how he runs around like a headless chicken, picking flowers, buying chocolates and hunting for the biggest deer just to earn mom's forgiveness cause he can't JUST hold her close.

Oh and let's not leave out that dad also called Mr. Stone 'One lucky bastard for having such a whiny mate'. Of course dad got sucker punched for that, a trait of his to end the right words with stupid ones. Ah, good times.

Obviously dad lied cause I'm crying my eyes out and I don't see anyone comforting me.

Oh Goddess, I'm whining, if mom were to see me....Oh wait, she hates me now so if she WERE to see me she'd walk the other way. After a few harsh words and maybe a slap to the face in there somewhere. Sigh.

Lara, my wolf, said in my head to make me feel better about the situation.

"How? Do you realist that we've been trying to prove our innocence to the pack for over 14 months? What will my stupid 17th birthday bring? A mate we might have to wait a long ass time for only for him to reject us?!" I snapped at Lara. Honestly, this wolf is too hopeful for my sanity.

Doesn't she know that HE will reject us? We are nothing but filth, we have been reminded of this fact SO many times. If that weren't true then mother wouldn't have abandoned us, Shelly wouldn't have hurt us, dad would protected us and everything would be alright but it isn't. We are living in the small dusty attic and sleeping on the cold floor with just old blankets as our bed. So, what's to guarantee that our mate will love us when the whole pack couldn't?

Lara's annoyed yet determined reply came.

I sat still, not saying anything as her words rang in my head. Maybe, just maybe she's right but even if she isn't, my mate would surely reject me for looking the way I do and for having such a negative outlook on life. What I have to do is calm down, clean-up and face the day with s heart full of hope and a smile on my face.

As I fixed my jet black hair into a pony tail after putting on my outfit, a black baby-doll dress with black and white knee highs, I smiled a sad smile.

These were some of what little clothes I managed to get my hands on after my parents literally kicked me out. They'd said I owned nothing in THEIR house and I'd leave with such. I only managed to bribe my baby brother into sneaking some of my clothes to me. I've never bought myself anything else since then, what with all the pranks they pull on me PLUS the beatings, it would be a waste.

30 minutes later, I looked at my reflection in my broken shard of mirror, my average face clear of any make up then a thought entered my mind:

It doesn't matter that they starve me, my job keeps me fed. It doesn't matter that they hate me, my wolf still loves me. It doesn't matter that they beat me up, at least I'm still alive. It also won't matter if I have to wait a while longer to find my mate, I'd spend my eternity waiting just for him.

It would all be worth it in the end.

Now I'm gonna go down stairs, I'm gonna ignore THEM and I'm gonna go to hell, ahem, I mean school.

With that, we braced ourselves."Here goes nothing Lara."

Then I walked outta my room strutting like a boss!