Chapter Twenty-Three

The Funeral

Honestly, I loved my mum. But I didn't want to try and pay attention during her funeral. Actually paying attention was one of the hardest things I've had to do.

Of course Chris was there, which helped to ease my pain but it still hurt that my mum was gone forever.

I have no one to help me on my wedding day. My children will have no one to call grandma. I will never get to see her play peek a boo with my children. She will never have grandchildren. She will never get to see me on my wedding day. She will never get to talk to me again. My best friend is gone. And I can never see her again.

I turned and cried into Chris's shoulder. He was wearing a navy blue suit that had all of his different medals and pins on it from the army.

He kissed the top of my head and rubbed circles on my back. I normally would've been temporarily relieved of my grief, but not this time. He was crying and I felt utterly guilty. We sat there crying together until everyone was cleared out of the room.

"You wanna head home baby doll?" he asked his southern drawl shaky.

"Mhm" I choked.

He lifted me to the car bridal style and I cried into his chest. We drove home in silence.

When we reached my house, dad wasn't there but I needed to be with Chris. I needed to ask him about the letters.

He carried my crippled body into the house and set me on the couch. I pulled out my phone and saw that I had ten missed calls from both Lena and Kara.

I listened to Lena's voice mail and it brought me to tears.

Nicole, it's Lena. I honestly cannot believe you right now. I met your old friend Sydney and she told me everything. Everything. Don't ever speak to me again got it? I don't wanna ever see or hear from you anymore. Have a nice life.

I broke.

Chris rocked me back and forth on the couch but that didn't help.

I screamed and started hitting his chest repeatedly. I screamed and screamed and kept hitting him subconsciously.

"Hey, hey, hey, shhhhh baby shhhhh it's going to be okay alright? Shhhhh" he coaxed.

I finally stopped hitting him and I flopped onto his chest almost unable to breathe through my cries.

He smoothed my hair and kissed my head.

"What was the voice mail?" he asked sweetly.

"L..Lena" I said a cry escaping my lips.

"She told me never to speak to her again and she doesn't want to see me anymore."

"Oh my god. Why?" he asked rocking me back and forth in an attempt to comfort me.

"Well, she met up with my ex best friend Sydney back in England. They both go to Oxford. And Sydney told her that I had kissed Jason, Lena's ex, while they were still dating. It was a complete misunderstanding though because he had asked me to help him find a birthday gift for Lena and he kissed me right in front of Syd. She knows he kissed me and I didn't want any part of it but since Sydney turned into a total mean girl, she's decided that it would be fun to make my life hell. And she's succeeded." I told him.

"Oh, darlin" he said shakily.

"Oh and don't even get me started on Jay because he won't leave me alone since I dumped him after he cheated" I sort of sarcastically laughed.

"I'm sorry I added to that stress" he said guiltily.

"Do explain I would like to know why you never answered me"

"Well, you see, I was doing another mission and I honestly don't know how I made it out alive. I should be dead right now. But, I made it out unharmed. I figured that if I was out of your life, you would be better off without me. And you probably would be. So I stopped writing in the hopes that you would forget about me. Forget everything that happened between us and find someone who you deserved. Not someone who goes on tours in the army unassured whether he will come home to his love or not. I love you Nicole. Honestly I do. But you don't deserve this" he said.

"Chris, honey. You promised me remember? You promised th-"

"YOU CAN'T PROMISE ANYTHING IN THE ARMY NICOLE. NOTHING. I JUST SAID THAT SO YOU WOULD STOP WORRYING ABOUT ME OKAY?"

I jumped at his tone. He has never yelled at me before.

"YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT?!" I was furious "OF COURSE I KNOW THAT YOU CAN'T PROMISE ANYTHING IN THE ARMY CHRIS!! BUT AT LEAST YOU GAVE ME THE REASSURANCE THAT I WAS WORTH HOPING FOR A MIRACLE. THE MIRACLE THAT MAYBE YOU CAN PROMISE THINGS IF THE PERSON YOU'RE PROMISING IS WORTH STAYING AROUND FOR" I yelled tears streaming down my face. This was our first actual fight.

"I KNOW OKAY? I'VE BEEN BEATING MYSELF UP FOR IT FOR SO LONG. OF COURSE YOU'RE WORTH WISHING FOR WHY WOULDN'T YOU BE? BUT I HATED LEAVING YOU AND ASSURING YOU OF ONE THING THAT I CANNOT CONTROL! I DID IT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND I AM ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED THAT ONE DAY, I WON'T END UP COMING BACK TO YOU. BECAUSE THE LAST THING ON THIS DAMN EARTH YOU NEED IS ANOTHER PERSON GONE FROM YOUR LIFE. AND I'M SORRY FOR CAUSING YOU TO WASTE AWAY YOUR LIFE AND WORRY OVER ME AND I'M SORRY ALRIGHT? I JUST COULDN'T STAND THE THOUGHT OF YOU LOSING SOMEONE ELSE IN YOUR LIFE"

My eyes were filled with tears and I jumped from my place on the couch into his arms.

"How can I live without you" I smiled, laughing a little.

"The real question is how can I live without you" he said kissing my forehead.

I placed my hands on his cheeks and wiped the stray tears on his face. I tilted my head back and leaned up to kiss him. He lifted his head so I kissed his neck.

"You're such a tease" I said kissing him on the lips.

"But, you love me anyways" he smirked kissing me again.

"Yes I do"

Chris snaked his arms around my waist and began tickling my sides. I burst into a fit of laughter.

"CHRIS" I laughed "STOPPPP"

"NEVER" he laughed along with me.

I managed to get out of his grip and I made a beeline for the staircase.

He immediately chased after me and I locked myself in my room pulling back on the door so he couldn't open it.

"You think you're safe now spaghetti arms?"

"Maybe" I chuckled.

As if on instinct, my hands slipped off of the handle and I fell backwards. The door flung open and Chris toppled right beside me and resumed tickling me.

He stopped after a few minutes and kissed the side of my neck.

He helped me up from the floor and we put in a random movie. This movie happened to be The Vow.

Chris got defensive every time I oggled over Channing Tatum little did he know that I was just messing with him.

"I'm just messin with ya honey" I laughed.

"Mhm sure"

"You know, you're probably right" I winked.

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Yay! Chris and Nicole made up after their little dispute!

Do you think that Chris will go back to the army or will he stay with Nicole?

Oh, and what's the deal with Lena??? Why is she believing someone she's only met a few times?????

I LOVE hearing your feedback so keep commenting and voting!!

Happy reading!!

Eagle_Eye_13 xx