We didn't speak as he drove to the hospital but whenever I felt that he was on the edge of anxiety, I squeezed his hand.

We burst into the emergency room doors and I could scarcely keep up with Victor's long strides, but he reached out and grabbed my hand pulling me with him. He quickly asked the station nurse about his father and she said that he was with the doctor right now along with his Mom. Give them ten minutes, she said.

I watched as Victor paced in front of the vending machine and I sat quietly watching him, my arms in goosebumps and I cursed myself for wearing such a stupid dress. At one point he noticed I was shivering, and he shrugged out of his jacket and handed it to me. Slowly I took it and slipped it on myself, it swallowed me whole and covered me with his scent. I held it close around me as he continued pacing. The ten minutes ticked by like the last bit of honey of a bottle.

Finally, a lady with olive skin and very black hair came out of the doors. I dimly recognized her as his Mom, I had seen her at graduation from far away but had not thought much about her. Now it seemed I should have paid attention to her, to her short, stocky frame. I also noticed she had green eyes that stood out stark against the dark of her hair.

Victor instantly went to her, placing his arms around her shoulders, he was easily a head taller than she was. She was shaken but there was an aura of strength emanating from her. She brightened when she saw Victor, relief visible in her frame. I heard her explain quickly to him in Spanish that she had been helping his dad out of the shower chair like she always did, and he slipped, landing on his hip. It wasn't broken, but it was badly bruised, and he was in pain. They were going to keep him overnight for observation.

I almost saw Victor's thought process. He should've been there. He should've been helping him bathe. It was too much for his Mom. The responsibility of the whole thing landed on his shoulders and I saw him shrink underneath it. I wanted to say something, do something, but I realized how out of my depth I was. My problems were so trifling compared to his, my life so calm and orderly, and my responsibilities selfish and parochial. I watched as Victor hugged his Mom and she clutched him back. I looked away, I felt I was intruding. After a while, I felt him have her sit down and they were both looking at me.

"Mami, esta es Becka," he said. The woman looked at me and nodded.

"Thank your Mami for the sofrito," she said and I flushed. I should have been the one to offer it, not my Mom. I had offered her nothing. I had done nothing.

"Claro," I smiled a little. "Have you eaten? I could get you food."

Victor's mom looked at him, a bit lost. "Ay, no, I haven't eaten. That would be very kind of you."

Victor instantly dug into his pocket and handed me his keys which I took almost not believing it. He never let anyone drive his car.

"I pulled you both from your party." She looked at my dress under his jacket.

"Mami, eso no importa," Victor assured her. "It was a stupid party."

"It was," I said and Victor looked at me. "I'll be right back, let me get you both something to eat."

I quickly walked out feeling a sudden purpose in my stride. When I slid into the leather of the BMW I felt Victor's chair mold around me, his warmth still dancing in the chair. As if he were hugging me as if I was on top of me and I felt a fluttering pleasure between my legs which I decided to ignore. It was not the right time.

Few places would be open at eleven o'clock at night in Kissimmee, but I knew where to go. Lou's door still flashed an OPEN in neon letters. People were sitting down enjoying pizza and calzones, people who would know me, people who would see me driving Victor's car. I ordered a calzone and some pasta and sat on a red plastic chair as I waited.

I bit hard into my nails trying to think over and over what happened. Clem had wanted me, I had not wanted him, Crystal had wanted Victor, he didn't want her there. I wanted... I pressed my hand on my forehead. I wanted...oh fuck. To allow myself to want Victor was wrong, wasn't it? He was my best friend, he hurt, I hurt. He smiled, I smiled. What I wanted was Chicago, I wanted to be out of this town. I wanted to see the world. Victor was not the world, Victor was here, Kissimmee. To want Victor was to stay with Victor and to stay with Victor meant to never leave this town. I felt a pressure in my chest, a burning churning. To go to Chicago was to no longer be around Victor.

How had Victor suddenly become such a vital component of my decision process? He didn't even know about Chicago. I should have told him. Even if there was a chance I wouldn't get accepted into the program, I should have told him. I realized with a suddenness that it had been wrong of me to keep Chicago from him. That was a shitty friend move.

Lou rang the little silver bell by the counter. "Becka, order up!"

As I drove back to the hospital the pressure of telling Victor about Chicago was strong, not tonight, tonight was not about me or Chicago but soon. Before the break. He had the right to know. I couldn't explain why but he had the right to know. He had earned that.

Victor nor his Mom were in the waiting room when I came back and a nurse gave me the room number for where his Dad had been placed. After getting lost twice I found the room, 6785 and 'Jay Manning' was written outside in a small whiteboard. With a deep breath I knocked, and Victor opened the door. He looked better than I had last seen him, his brows were not as severe, and he reached out and took one of the bags from me. He paused and looked at me.

"Did you crash my car?" he asked.

"A little," I gave him a small smile.

He didn't smile but his nostrils flared in amusement and he turned to take the bag inside. I followed him and there on the bed lay a large man. He was long, almost not fitting on the bed, which explained where Victor got his height. He was pale-skinned with salt and pepper hair and large muscular arms despite his disability. I realized Victor looked like his Dad, quite a lot, from their nose to his mouth and chin. Jay Manning looked at me and he smiled as his wife fluffed the pillows behind him.

"Is that Lou's?" Mr. Manning asked.

"Yes," I smiled.

"Oh good!" He pushed himself up, despite the slight wince. He must have seen the look of concern in my face. "Oh, don't you worry, I'm packed full of morphine, I'm feeling much better."

"Dad, use the bed control," Victor placed the bag on the tray table and handed his dad the bed remote. Mrs. Manning handed him reading glasses and he perched them on his nose, looking suspiciously over the buttons. I watched them more fascinated than anything because they had a sort of familiarity gained from much time spent together.

I made myself busy by opening bags and pulling out containers of pasta. Soon Mrs. Manning was next to me, she thanked me for the food which I assured her it was no problem. We made Jay a plate of items she knew he liked but insisted he couldn't eat that much because of his cholesterol. Jay took his plate when I handed it to him, and I noticed that under the sheets his legs were thin. They were shriveled with muscle loss and I wondered if he had been athletic like Victor. Had he played a sport? Or done weightlifting. There was so much I didn't know about Victor and his family.

"Baked ziti, my favorite," he said and dug into the plate.

I watched as everyone served themselves, talking quietly, and I realized I had done a good thing. Victor asked if Liam, his older brother, was coming. Liam was in New York with his girlfriend and her family. He had called but Jay refused he should come down and cut his vacation short.

"It's bad enough I made you miss your party because I was careless." He pointed his fork at Victor.

"Dad, I told you, it's fine, it was a stupid party –"

"Look how this poor young lady has had to spend her Saturday night."

"Oh, I don't mind," I said.

"But I've ruined your date," he said.

"I didn't have a date, so you haven't ruined anything," I smiled but he looked utterly confused. He turned to Victor.

"This is my friend Becka," Victor flushed red. "Crystal is the girl I'm seeing."

Jay looked at his wife, still utterly confused, then let out an amused laugh. "Things are certainly far more complex than when you and I dated, Maria."

×××

It was almost two in the morning before Victor dropped me off at my car. He had been quiet and I didn't dare touch him plus it felt as if we had reached a precarious precipice in our relationship. We teetered at the edge of one thing or another. Half of my body wanted to reach for him and to hold him if he would let me. The other half was fossilized in a rock of terror because it was too intense what I felt for him and I was afraid of the fluttering of my own heart.

The parking was quiet, debris was scattered around, remnants of other people having a good time while we ate from Styrofoam containers.

"Thank you for coming."

I turned to him and smiled.

"I liked your parents, they were very nice," I said.

"I should've been there." His voice was whisper soft.

I paused and stared at him. "It was an accident. This was not your fault."

His eyes met mine. "Yes, I know. Still, he needs help and he's too heavy for my mom."

I swallowed. I was out of my depth, so I took his hand knowing full well it shook the rock from its balance. I pressed my lips to the back of his hand. When I looked up, he was staring at me with unreadable dark eyes.

"You're a good son, Victor Manning," I said.

"Becka," he whispered.

I pulled back, my heart thundering, my brain melting out of my ears. I opened the door and stepped out. The night had turned purely cold and slipped into my car. When I looked up he was still staring at me but his jaw was tight and corded. He nodded at me and then drove off. It was not until I drove home that I realized I had kept his jacket. I slept with his jacket, covered in his scent.

Sunday night my mom handed me my mail from the day before and there was my acceptance for the Fall of 2000 for the Advanced English Program at Chicago.

Recommended 90s Playlist (will grow with each chapter)

1. Gettin' Jiggy With It - Will Smith

2. Kiss The Rain - Billie Myers

3. Come Baby Come - K7

4. Tubthumping - Chumbawamba

5. Bitch - Meredith Brooks

6. Something to Talk About - Bonnie Raitt

7. WannaBe - Spice Girls

8. Miami - Will Smith

9. Ghetto Supastar - Pras

10. All Cried Out - Allure

11. The Way - Fastball

12. Walkin' on the Sun - Smash Mouth

13. Can't Get Enough of You Baby - Smash Mouth

14. Stay (I missed you) - Lisa Loeb

15. Pretty Fly (For a White Guy) - The Offspring

16. Sex & Candy - Marcy Playground

17. Lullaby - Shawn Mullins

18. Inside Out - Eve 6

19. My Way - Usher

20. Last Kiss - Pearl Jam

21. She's So High - Tal Bachman

22. Slide - The Goo Goo Dolls

23. Y Hubo Alguien - Marc Anthony

24. Here's to the Night - Eve 6

25. I Love You Always Forever - Donna Lewis

26. You Sang to Me - Marc Anthony

27. Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down

28. Best I Ever Had - Gary Allan

29. Kiss Me - Sixpence None the Richer

30. Try Again - Aaliyah

31. I Knew I Loved You - Savage Garden

32. Because You Loved Me - Celine Dion

33. What It's Like - Everlast

34. Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls

35. Lullaby - Shawn Mullins

36. Back That Azz Up - Juvenile

37. Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve