The aftermath of Abuela's death was different for everyone in the barrio.

Nina looked through all of the pictures and little things Abuela had collected over the years. You hadn't really realized it before, but Nina and Abuela had been really close. You hoped Benny was there for her.

Daniella, Carla, and Vanessa just tried to carry on, business as usual. They figured that the longer you put your life on hold to mourn Abuela, the harder it would be to get back to your daily routine.

Usnavi and Sonny also carried on, taking care of the bodega and making coffee, but just with less pep. Usnavi didn't have his usual smile that usually greeted you when you came in.

As for you, what you really wanted to do was hide away in your apartment and avoid talking to people until you were able to get over her death- if you ever really could.

But since Usnavi was leaving the next day, you knew that you couldn't. You couldn't just hide away when Usnavi was on the brink of leaving forever.

He also canceled his plane ticket- but then got a new one for one day after he was originally going to leave. You guessed that he took what you said to heart and was going to take longer for his goodbyes. A whole day longer.

The day after Abuela died, you shuffled down the street toward the bodega. You knew you at least needed to talk to Usnavi. You weren't really sure how it was going to go, but you just felt like you needed to.

Usnavi doesn't look up when you come in. He's leaning against the counter, head resting on his hands, looking lost in thought.

You slowly walk up to the counter.

"Hola."

His head snaps up. "Uh, hey." He clears his throat, then stands up straight. "Want some coffee?"

You nod.

"The usual?"

You shake your head. "Nothing in it. I need some strong caffeine."

He nods. He understands.

He hands you your coffee, steaming and delicious.

"Thank you," you say, and slide a five across the counter.

"Y/N-"

"I know it only costs $1.50."

Usnavi opens his mouth to speak.

"And yes, I know you wouldn't normally have me pay anyway." You shrug and take a sip. "Consider it a going-out-of-business tip."

Usnavi looks too tired to argue. "Thank you," he says gratefully.

You smile.

"So, um, are you all packed and ready for your flight tomorrow?", you ask weakly.

"Um, mostly. I've kind of been procrastinating on cleaning. Sonny's gotten more packing done than I have."

"That's surprising."

"Yeah."

You both fall silent, and an awkward and exhausted silence fills the bodega.

You take a quick breath. "Listen, Usnavi, I'm... really sorry about our argument yesterday. Honestly, it was petty and stupid, and I shouldn't have gotten mad at you like that."

Usnavi looks at you then leans against the counter again. "It's okay. I'm sorry too." He pauses. "But it wasn't petty or stupid. I mean, it didn't really make sense, at least not to me, but I'm sure you had a reason." He looks into your eyes again. "Why didn't you want me to go?"

"I still don't."

He could tell he was uncomfortable, because he kept switching between leaning on the counter and standing up normally. Right now, he was just standing up. You guys were about the same height, but his hat somehow made him look a little taller.

"Why don't you want me to go?"

"Usnavi..." You think of something. "Well, how would you feel if I was moving to another country and you might never see me again? Wouldn't you want me to stay?"

"Of course."

His answer fills you with more fuzzy feelings, but you ignore them. "Exactly. I just don't want to never see you again."

"So you... do want to see me again?"

"Yeah."

"Oh." Usnavi sighs. "I'm sorry. I've just always wanted to do this, and Abuela wanted me to go-"

"Oh, no, I understand. You should go. I know it's your dream." You manage a smile. "Just don't forget about lil' ol' Washington Heights."

"I couldn't if I tried."

You both smile.

"Well, um, thanks for the coffee. I'll see you later."

He smiles and nods.

You wave awkwardly, then leave.

You go back to your apartment and sit on your couch, taking small sips of your coffee.

What were you going to do? You obviously had to tell Usnavi how you felt before he left, but when?

When were you finally going to be able to keep your courage when you look him in his perfect chocolate eyes?

You've planned to tell him hundreds of times before, but each time, you've chickened out. You waited until the very last moment to tell him, and now the deadline was coming up fast.

How would you do it? Would you just walk up and say "I like you!" then run away?

Would you tell him all of the things you love about him to set the mood, then tell him and run away?

However you did it, you would end up running away at the end, because he obviously doesn't like you. He likes Vanessa.

You tip over and lay face down on your couch.

Why was life so hard?