I hate being tempted by Satan, I hate that part of my life and right now, he's using it to tempt me. I used to be ace, or asexual For a very long time.

I hated God, my parents, and I wanted to fit in. And I achieved it.

I celebrated it with my bestfriend, who was bisexual. We absolutely loved it. And that's what scares me. This month always makes it hard for me, since I used to be apart of the LGBTQ+ community. I want to run around with the rainbow flag in my hands, I want to celebrate it with everyone in the parade. But I won't. Because that version of me is gone, but the voice isn't. Every day I hear it. I hear the voice telling me to go back, to celebrate it, I won't be the outcast when I call myself asexual. I'll be accepted and loved for coming out.

A couple days ago I threw some hangers in the floor of my closet, I didn't place them in any order or nothing. Today, I changed into my pj's, and when I looked down... Three hangers were noticeable underneath my door. Purple, black and white, in that order. Three colors that resemble the pride flag of asexual.

It's June. Pride month. I'm already tempted to wave the rainbow flag and go to parades as it is. Not I got that under my closet door.

It hurts. It hurts to say no and walk away. It hurts for people to call me an outcast, to ignore me like I'm nothing, it hurts when I'm being called homophobic to ever think that Jesus is real. It absolutely hurts when I hear another one of my Christian friends turn away from God and coming out gay. It hurts for people to think I'm the villain of the story, that I should go to hell or kill myself for ever "Pushing my religion on them."

I'm just telling you about Jesus. Why can't I just talk about it without one person cussing me out and threatening me.

But you know what? I'm not going to be asexual again Satan. You won't get me again. You can throw rocks, fire, people telling me I'm homophobic or calling me cuss words, anything. But I'm not going to back down Satan, you will never get me. I promised God I'll try my best to be a good Christian, even if I make mistakes. I never, ever break my promises.

I angrily kicked the hangers under the door and yelled "Now get the hell out of my bedroom Satan! I'm not telling you twice. Don't ever come back here again. Shut the door on your way out."

I felt proud of myself, and I went to my dad and gave him a hug. He was confused, but he returned the hug. I smiled, walking back to my bedroom with confidence. Put in my ear buds, and listened to

Till The Day I die by Tobymac

-R

- 6/20/22