"Hey Bailey-Belle,"

Everyone had been inside and downstairs, I just needed a minute alone. This was the first time everyone was together since we buried him, and it was the first time we weren't crying our eyes out.

I just needed a minute away from it all. I needed a minute to think about things.

I felt guilty. Guilty we were celebrating today without him. Guilty of the fact that we were somewhat happy.

I don't deserve to be happy after what happened to him, it never would've happened in the first place if I wasn't a fucking dumbass.

"Hey grandpa," he'd been coming around more since Beck woke up. He'd been staying in town at a nearby hotel, and would come over every day to check in. He and my dad talked for a long time on Friday and they seemed to be doing better.

My brothers were doing better too, I mean in terms of their relationship with him. They were trying and so was I.

We've already had enough loss, as much as we fought with him, we didn't want to loose our only living grandfather either, especially after he's shown an effort to fix things.

"Why are you up here? The party's downstairs," he grins as he sits beside me on my balcony "You should really put some chairs up here,"

"I wouldn't have enough room to lay down at night," I muster up a grin "I just needed second to think. So much has been going on I haven't had a second to relax, not that I would if I did,"

"What are you thinking about?"

"A lot," I say honestly. It was like a million thoughts were running through my mind, most of them revolving around Jordan. I couldn't stop thinking about him. The last smile, his last words, how everything I look at reminds me of him, how he bled as I held him.

I just wanted to forget it.

"I can't stop thinking about him," a tear slips from my eye. Normally I'd be embarrassed to cry in front of my grandfather but at this point I really don't give two shits. "Everywhere I look I'm reminded of him and I just want it to stop,"

"That's understandable," my grandfather nods

"Whats that?" He questions, looking at the paper sitting beside me. Id just gotten it today in the mail. My last change letter to accept early move in with Stanford.

"It's just a thing from Stanford, an early move in," I huff "I'd been getting these for a while now, this is just a least chance thing,"

"How soon would you be moving if you went?" He questions

"End of this month I'd be going," I nod. It's soon.

"Are you going to do it?"

"God no, I can't right? I mean, it's my last summer with everyone before things start to change? I can't just leave them right?" I question. It felt like I was talking myself out of something.

"I don't know Bailey, things have already changed," he shrugs "Do you want to go?"

"No-no not- well I don't know," getting away would be great, but I can't leave everyone. I can't see them cry because of me leaving.

"Have you talked to anyone else about it?"

"No," I shake my head "I can't, I mean I love it here I couldn't leave,"

"Bailey, you need to do what you feel is best for you." He states "Jordan would want that"

"He would, but-"

"I think it's a great opportunity. You'll be able to go, meet people maybe even make some friends out there before classes start in August," he tells me "But this isn't a decision I can make for you,"

"I know," I nod, he was right. The only thing stopping me was fear. I was scared to leave, I was afraid to leave everything I know. I was afraid of the guilt I would feel leaving.

I was afraid of seeing everyone's faces when I told them I'm leaving.

I couldn't tell them. I know Co said he'd support me but that was before everything. Things are different now and as much as he'd try, I know him, and I know he wouldn't be happy.

"This is hard," I huff. Especially for someone as indecisive as me "I want to do it but I also just don't know."

"I think you might want to have a conversation with your father," he says as he stands

"I know," I should because I know what I have to do. It's what's best for me right?

"Hey grandpa?" I question as we walk through my room to join everyone else downstairs "Can you please not tell anyone about this?"

"My lips are sealed," he smiles

"Thank you"

As he walks away, I look around at everyone here. Jordan's family, Em's family, Amy's, Lexi's, Tyler and Wes's, Mine and Calebs. Everyone we love was here, minus Lance and Ryan. But we were together and that's what mattered.

The little ones were running around, for the first time I actually see Julia smile as she played catch with Seb. Her parents, were sitting and talking with mine.

I find the one I was looking for, sitting on the couch scrolling through his phone, and I just simply sit beside him and hug him, resting my head on his chest as he wraps his arms around me without hesitation.

"Hey Princess,"

"Hi Coco,"

"What's this for?"

"I just need a hug," I shrug "I'm sad,"

"I am too," he kisses the top of my head "He would've loved today,"

"All of that attention? It would've been hard for him not to," I snort. He loved being the center of attention, always has.

We both just sit there, watching everyone before little by little my brothers and our friends join us.

"What do we do now?" Em questions. We'd all been quiet. This had been the most exhausting week of our lives and at this point I think all any of us wanted to do was sleep.

"Do you guys want to have a sleepover?" Ace questions "I could really use some time with you guys right now,"

"Yes. Please."

—————————————-

Everyone had left to grab stuff from home, my brother went out to get food. We were having a sleepover like we used to have.

"Hey dad," He'd been in the kitchen doing dishes after everyone had left. Cheri was out back cleaning up the mess the kids left while my dad was doing the kitchen.

"Yeah babygurl what's up?" He questions "You okay?"

"Uh-yeah? I mean as okay as I can be I guess," I shrug, "I-I just wanted to talk to you about something,"

"Yeah, of course," he nods, shutting the water off "Whats up?"

"I got another letter for Stanford," I put it on the table as we sit down

"About the early move in? I thought you weren't doing that?" He says

"That's what I wanted to talk about," I take in a deep breath. Why was I so nervous? It's my dad he'll support me no matter what "I think I want to do it,"

"You think or you know? That's a big decision Bails, I don't want you to do something you aren't completely sure about," he says

"I want to do it." I nod

"Why the change of heart? Is it because of-"

"Yes," I nod "Dad I can't stay here," I can feel myself begin to cry. By this point it's almost normal. I think of him and I can't help but break down. "I can't. Everything reminds me of him, I can't drive through town, I can't go to Kane's, even my room, I see him everywhere in this town and I just want it to stop,"

"I'm sorry Bails," he huffs before pulling me into a hug

"I can't get on with my life when I see him everywhere I look," I cry into his shoulder "I just need an escape,"

"Are you sure this is a good idea though?" He tries to comfort me "I will support you and help you in everything you do but I want you to think about this,"

"I have been for days now," I tell him. I have. Before it was no question, I wasn't going, but within the last week a shit tome of stuff has changed. My life was changed forever last Saturday, and I needed something that would help.

I feel sad all the time, and when I'm reminded of him I just can't function. I can't stay here.

"Okay," he nods

"Okay what?"

"Okay to going," he states, a small grin on his face "If you really want to do this then I back you, one hundred percent. It doesn't take a genius to see how much pain you're in, and I hate to see you like this. If this move helps you then I will support you all the way."

"Thank you so much," I'm crying even more now as I hug him "I'm sorry I'm a mess," I start to sob.

"Don't apologize Bails," he says "I'm here,"

"Thank you dad," I knew he was always there for me. I just hated being emotional in front of anyone, especially my family, but there's just something about getting a bear hug from your dad when you're at your breaking point that just makes the dams fall and the tears non stop.

"We have to start getting stuff together," he smiles sadly as he lets me go "You're leaving soon,"

"I can't believe im doing this," I huff "This is really happening,"

"As long as u want it to, yes it is," he grins "You gotta tell everyone soon,"

And that's what I was afraid of.

"Wait is that a bad thing?" He questions. He probably watched my face drop at that,

"I'm just scared to tell them,"

"Don't be, they all love and support you, they'll understand," he stands, placing a quick kiss on my head

"Can you just not say anything to them? I want to be the one to tell them," I ask. If anyone was going to tell my brothers and lifelong friends that I'm leaving is two and a half weeks, it was going to be me.

"Of course," he just grins before nodding towards the front door.

"We're home!"