If he every day rolled down the mud or fight his way through training you wouldn't be getting out of work soon. Hvitserk had his way on making everything dirty, caused you to sit here over a tub of water trying to get the stains out of his tunic. It was the most frustrating thing to do, cleaning that and seeing him coming home with a new piece that needed some cleaning. But as his future wife you did it with love and it didn't made you complain, he made up for it anyway. But days like this, when it was getting colder you did harder your best to get it clean, trying to get away from the cold despite the stroke of sunlight brushing your day goodbye. You looked over your shoulder when you heard footsteps getting around the house.

'What are you doing outside, it's getting cold.' He said as soon as he saw you sitting there. See, you suppressed a smile and looked up to him.

'Somebody loves to place me outside and wash his dirty clothes.'

'I'm sorry,' he began with that innocent smirk. 'you can do it inside to, before the fire.' He suggested, crouching down aside you.

'I don't want to have the whole house smelling.' You protested gently.

'And I thinking you loved my smell.' He bowed closer and you leaned over, placing a kiss against his lips.

'I do.' You grinned pulling back from him. He looked down to his tunic while you went further. 'How was the meeting?' You asked curiously. Ever since Ragnar and Aslaug died half of Kattegat was shaken up with Lagertha back in charge. It was silent and you looked aside to him, he was gazing. 'Hvitserk?' You asked curious.

'We leave tomorrow, I'm going.' He announced. Of course he was going to avenge his father, you wouldn't hold him back. Kattegat was preparing that for some time now.

'Good, I'll make sure we will have everything.'

'You can't come Y/n.' He reacted. Your hands froze in the water before looking aside.

'Why?' You asked flat.

'To dangerous, you aren't a fighter.'

'So you gonna leave me with Lagertha? The woman that not only hates me but also has it out for me because I love a son of Ragnar.' You said it quietly and he knew what quietly meant, it meant you were angry.

'Y/n.'

'You don't want me to come at all do you, because I would see things.'

'I want to keep you safe.' He tried.

'I'm not safe with Lagertha.' You hissed, pushing up from the log you were sitting on. 'You know,' you went further. 'all this time I thought that you would let me come, to give me a change to tend your wounds, to cheer you good luck, to be the wife I will become. But all that time you knew already?' You asked. He was so distracted lately and you blamed the dead of his parents for that. 'Do you love me?' You asked slowly.

'Yes off course, Y/n,'

'Then why can't I come.'

'I don't want to see you bleed to dead on a battlefield!' He reacted angry.

'So you rather come back seeing your future wife already berried because she stood to close to Aslaug.'

'Y/n!' He shouted. You throw water to his head and pushed his still wet tunic against his chest.

'I'm afraid of Lagertha Hvitserk, if you are not willing on understanding that then what is even the point to marry.' You fell out for the first time since you two were together. He just stood there, not being able to say anything. 'Prep yourself for tomorrow, and if we see each other again in Valhalla, I won't feast with you.' You finish the whole argument, walking away. He didn't even stop you. It turned your eyes blurry within seconds.

You stayed at your brother his place, what wasn't really easy because he was preparing himself to go with the Heathen Army to, so did his wife who was a powerful healer. You had gazed towards them the whole evening, how they let you alone for you needed the time to think. Somewhere you hoped that Hvitserk would knock at the door but he didn't. Every time you heard something you turned away from the fire to the door only to meet the darkness from outside. And when you looked to the dancing flames you lost yourself in your grief. He didn't stop you and he didn't came after you ... so did he really needed to answer that question, he didn't love you. That spooked through your head the whole night, certain that you wouldn't go to the harbor when they leaved, that you wouldn't speak to him again. It was over and your heart broke under it. But then that dream came. You were on a field, chasing the butterflies over it. You were giggling, running as hard as you could before his two strong arms wrapped themselves around you from behind, placing his lips against your ear, feeling his hot breath against your neck.

'You are the best thing that ever happened to me.' He had whispered, kissing down your neck. 'I can't lose you.'

'You don't have to, I would run right after you.' You had closed your eyes, absorbing his lips against your skin, his fingers that started to untie your dress.

'Promise me.'

'I promise.'

You startled up out of the dream, gazing to the light cracking though the wood. You buried your head in your hands, repeating the dream, the first memory of Hvitserk and you sharing your bodies. You promised him to run after him. You stepped out of the bed, noticing that your brother and his wife already left. A part of you wanted to get back to bed, you had way to little sleep this night and you needed it. But the other part couldn't just leave Hvitserk, not like this. This fight would maybe be the last memory of him and you didn't wanted that. So you dressed and walked over to the harbor only to see a large part of the ships where already sailing out a few miles. It shattered your heart, you felt a slight panic crawling through your chest as you pushed between the people, hoping on seeing him one last time. When you came out at front your eyes scouted the remaining ships, people still getting onto them. Your eyes went to Lagertha who said goodbye to her only son. And when your eyes found Hvitserk you reminded yourself to breathe again. He seemed sad, hardly listening to Ubbe, it was like he lost something, his shoulders down, his expressions hardly worthy to go into battle with. Ubbe looked your way before he knocked Hvitserk against the arm and nodded your way. He looked up, the eye contact immediately letting go of the tears again. He walked over the wood of the docks, his steps slowing down as he came closer to you. You looked up to him, not knowing what to say or do. But that single tear did it. He lifted his hand and run it away over your cheek with his thumb. You leaned in on his hand before you couldn't hold back and you started to cry. He pulled your head against his chest, wrapping his other arm around you while pressing his lips onto your hair.

'Don't go.' You begged. It was quiet for a verry long time before he cupped your face, pulling you gently away from his chest.

'You know I have to.' He whispered, hardly even hearable. You wrapped your fingers around his wrist, closing your eyes while nodding. He contacted his forehead with yours.

'I'm sorry.'

'It doesn't matter, not anymore.' He reassured you. You opened your eyes and looked up to him.

'Please come back to me Hvitserk, please come back and marry me. Be safe.' You urged him. His grip tightened around your face while he nodded.

'I will.'

'Promise me.'

'I promise.' He whispered. You lifted your chin, contacting your lips with his. The taste was salty from your tears, your fingers clenched into his braids on the back of his head, taking everything you could out of this kiss before he pulled back. 'I love you, truly.' He smiled, but it wasn't a happy one.

'I love you to.' You nodded, pulling yourself away from him because you knew he had to go. He caressed your face one last time.

'Be safe.' And he turned around, walking back to his brothers. They carried Ivar into the ship before the men started to sail. You gazed to him and he looked back until he was nothing but a dot on the horizon. You crouched down, closing your eyes and letting go of the rest of your tears. He left and there was so much unsaid between the two of you. You had married him before he left, now you could only hold on to the hopes he would survive. The saddest part was that that kiss was like a goodbye, the last kiss every, a goodbyes kiss shattering you in pieces.