— 40. Unwanted Visitor

In the mountains, Tova grunted as she weakly made her way up, using her shield to support herself before she could fall. She looked around and smiled at the sight of the scenery, which made up for all the pain she was experiencing.

The wind picked up and so did the snow, causing her to squint as she continued to travel up the mountain. She suddenly stopped, removing her hood as she looked ahead to lock eyes on the cabin.

She smiled, sighing in relief before she walked in the direction of the cabin.

______

Days had passed and Tova began to get used to living on the mountain. It was morning time and it was snowing. Tova had traveled to where she knew a frozen lake was located and once shoveling up some of the snow, she used to a spear she had created to stab into the ice.

After a moment, she grabbed her ax, grunting as she used all her strength to break the ice. She grunted and fell into a kneel, taking out the bait from her pocket before attaching it to the piece of twin she had brought with her. She waited patiently to feel any sign of a fish latching itself onto the bait but sighed when several moments had passed and she felt nothing.

Hours had passed before Tova had finally caught herself some food. She continued to pull the string until fish emerged from the water. She sighed in relief and removed the fish from the string, wasting no time snapping off its head.

She wasted no time returning home and set a fire for herself outside. She placed it down to cook, only to frown when she turned to see her cabin's door a crack open. It shouldn't have been open. She closed it before leaving and she made sure the day she first arrived that no wind would be able to blow it open.

Slowly standing up, Tova unsheathed her ax before walking toward the door. She cautiously walked in, her ax raised. She looked around until she spotted a figure standing inside with their back facing her. They were large, wearing a fur cloak.

She slowly stepped toward them with her ax raised. The floorboards ended up creaking due to her movement, causing the unknown person to whip themselves around to face her. They roughly grabbed her arm and slammed her against the wall, causing her to grunt as her back collided with the wall.

She stared up at the person, shocked when she found it to be Bjorn. "Bjorn?" She asked in disbelief and roughly shoved the young male off of her.

"Tova?" Bjorn questioned, staring at her in disbelief.

"What are you doing here?" The duo asked each other at the same time, causing them both to roll their eyes.

"You first," Tova insisted and Bjorn sighed in annoyance.

"I came here to find myself. Ragnar suggested it," He informed her, and Tova couldn't help but scoff.

"Of course he did," Tova muttered under her breath.

"What are you doing here?" Bjorn asked, eying Tova suspiciously.

"I wanted to enjoy climbing a mountain on my own before my legs gave out entirely," She responded and smiled at him sarcastically, "And Ragnar was the only person who knew exactly where I would be."

"Of course he did," Bjorn replied, scoffing in response, "I knew he was up to something when he told me to come here."

"Well, now that you know the reason, you can leave now," Tova encouraged Bjorn and pointed toward the door.

"I'm not going anywhere," Bjorn complained, shaking his head, "After all the trouble I went through coming up here, I'm not leaving until spring."

"You're not staying here," Tova demanded, walking toward him with a cold look on her face.

"Why can't I?" Bjorn asked, staring at her in disbelief.

"Because I said so," Tova declared and folded her arms across her chest, "This is my cabin and I'm not sharing it."

"Did you build this cabin?" Bjorn questioned as he began to walk around Tova.

"No," Tova replied and rolled her eyes.

"Do you own it?"

"No, but—"

"Then you cannot tell me that I can't stay here!" Bjorn exclaimed, staring at her in disbelief.

"I got here first."

"Well, I was planning to come here for years."

"But I still got here first."

"It doesn't matter!" Bjorn complained, groaning at Tova in annoyance, "Why does it even matter? This cabin is big enough for us both."

"No, it's not," Tova shook her head, feeling uneasy about Bjorn being there.

"It is. Now, shut up," He snapped at her, causing Tova to stare at him in disbelief.

"Don't tell me to shut up," Tova complained, beginning to glare at Bjorn.

"Can you stop?" Bjorn exclaimed, an aggravated look on her face.

"Stop what?" Tova asked, playing innocent, which was something she and Bjorn knew she was anything but.

"Stop arguing with me and get over yourself. We are both here and neither of us is leaving. We must deal with it," Bjorn demanded as he sighed in defeat, "Ragnar wanted me to come here for a reason."

"Yes, and I know the reason, which is why you must leave," Tova insisted, which caused Bjorn to give her a puzzled look.

"What is the reason?" He asked, a concerned look on his face.

Tova sighed, slowly turning away from him. "I can't tell you."

"Why not?" Bjorn questioned as he slowly moved toward her.

"Because I can't," Tova simply answered and shook her head.

"Come on. It can't be that bad," Bjorn replied, smiling at her, "It's not like you came out here to kill yourself."

Tova scoffed at Bjorn's words, trying her hardest not to look uneasy as her back faced him. "Of course not."

"Then what is the reason?" Bjorn asked, only to frown at Tova began to walk away.

"If we are going to share this cabin, I must tell you everything you must know about living in the mountains," She announced, purposely changing the subject.

Bjorn slowly walked over to Tova, a curious look on her face. "Go on."

"I just caught dinner. Why don't we eat first?" She suggested and Bjorn nodded, "You must be hungry."

Bjorn smiled, the two of them wasting no time walking outside together.

_____

Nighttime soon arrived and Bjorn was sitting inside the cabin, shivering as he rubbed his hands together. "It is freezing in here. How do you sleep at night?" He complained, turning to stare at Tova in shock as she walked in.

"I'm lucky if I get an hour of sleep a night," She admitted softly, which earned a frown of concern from Bjorn.

"Then what do you do around here?" Bjorn asked, smiling almost nervously, "You have been alone up here for months. How do you not get lonely?"

She walked closer to Bjorn and sat down. She smiled and shrugged. "I used to hate being alone, but now, I kind of like it. I don't have to deal with anyone's stupidity," She admitted, a soft smile appearing on her lips, "It's peaceful."

"I have been here a day and I already feel like my balls are about to freeze out," Bjorn confessed and Tova couldn't help but laugh.

"Then it's a good thing I don't have balls," Tova commented, which caused them both to chuckle, "Though I lack the meat you have on your bones so I still do get quite cold at night. But it's nothing I haven't endured before."

Hearing Tova's words, Bjorn's smile faded and he sighed. "The monastery."

Tova smiled slightly and nodded her head. "I was cold every night there. I slept on the cold hard ground with only a thin sheet to cover myself almost every night."

Bjorn sighed and gave her a sympathetic look. He had always felt bad about that. He knew no one around him was to blame but he couldn't imagine being a girl being raised by all men that treated her like a slave when she actually the daughter of an earl. He also knew things happened to her there, things she never liked to talk about.

"Don't look at me like that," Tova complained and shook her head at him in disapproval.

"Like what?" Bjorn asked, a puzzled look on his face.

"Like you feel pity for me," Tova admitted, looking down at the ground.

"But I do. You went through so much as a child," Bjorn sighed and moved closer to him.

"I am glad I did. If I hadn't been sent to that monastery, I would have never met you or Lagertha or Ragnar or all the others," She confessed and smiled at the thought.

"But you would have been raised a princess and a daughter of Siggy and Earl Haraldson," He reminded her and Tova couldn't help but roll her eyes.

"Tell me, Bjorn, where are they now?" She asked him, causing Bjorn to sigh, "What of their children?" She paused, beginning to smile sadly, "Either I would have been killed like Siggy's sons or I would have died of sickness like Thyri. And if I hadn't been sent to that monastery, I would have never met Athelstan."

At the mention of Athelstan, Bjorn sighed and looked down at the ground in shame. "I miss him."

"So do I," Tova whispered, looking downwards as she began to tear up, "You shouldn't have arrested Floki."

"Trust me, I know that now," Bjorn scoffed and rolled his eyes at her, "Ragnar was not happy about it."

"What did you expect?" Tova asked, turning to shoot him an incredulous look.

"You always have a need to be right but I am beginning to realize you almost always are right," Bjorns sighed in frustration as he rolled his eyes.

"It warms my heart to hear you say that," She replied, smiling as she placed a hand over her heart.

"Good, because you won't hear it again," Bjorn retorted as he leaned closer to her.

"It's fine. I was happy to hear it, even if it's the only time," Tova admitted and Bjorn playfully rolled his eyes at her.

There was a moment of silence between them as they were both smiling, but it was soon ruined when Bjorn took it upon himself to speak up. "This feels odd."

"What do you mean?" Tova asked, turning to him with a puzzled look on her face.

"We never last this long without arguing," Bjorn admitted, causing Tova to turn to him with a puzzled look on her face.

"It's a good thing. Isn't it?" Tova questioned, a part of her looking confused.

"You're acting differently," Bjorn complained, eying her suspiciously.

"Is it a bad thing?" She asked, moving closer to him.

"No, but—" He began to say, only to be cut off as Tova smiled and placed a finger against his lips,

"No more talking. I'm tired. Let us go to sleep," She insisted and Bjorn nodded as Tova grabbed his hand, "You complained about being cold but if we sleep next to each other, we can keep each other warm. Does that sound good?"

Once more, Bjorn nodded, watching as Tova laid down on the ground on top of the bed of furs she had laid out just days before.

After a moment, Bjorn laid down next to her, wrapping his arms around her from the back. The duo laid down in silence and Bjorn smiled down at Tova.

Unable to help himself, he leaned forward, pressing a light kiss to the crook of her neck.

"What was that for?" Tova asked, a smile forming on her lips.

"I just wanted to kiss you there. Is that a problem?" He asked her and Tova smiled, shaking her head.

"No, not at all. Do it again," She insisted, causing Bjorn to laugh and nod.

He wasted no time leaning forward, pressing yet another kiss to the crook of her neck. He kissed her a few more times and Tova sighed in pleasure. She slowly closed her eyes, gasping as he began to kiss down her jaw and shoulder.

Bjorn grabbed her by the waist and pulled her closer to her. He began to grind his body against hers, bringing one hand to her neck and the other to her breast as Tova moaned.

Bjorn grabbed at Tova's skirt, on the verge of lifting it when Tova's eyes suddenly shot open and she grabbed his hand.

"No," Tova suddenly told him softly, causing Bjorn to stop what he was doing and frown at her.

"What?" He asked her, a concerned look on his face, "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, no, of course not. It's just...we can't," She told him, sighing in defeat, "You're right. I try to solve everything with sex. It's not normal nor is it right. We shouldn't."

Bjorn nodded at Tova's words, knowing she had a point. He watched as she turned to him, smiling softly.

"But we can still lay together," She suggested and Bjorn smiled, nodding his head in agreement.

Tova moved closer to him, resting her head on his chest. She smiled, sighing as she felt Bjorn run his hand through her hair.

"I still love you, you know," He admitted, breaking the silence between them.

"I know," Tova admitted, her eyes remaining closed.

"Do you still love me?" He asked, a curious look on her face.

"I never stopped loving you," Tova confessed in a whisper and Bjorn smiled softly.

"I know we have our issues, but I hope after we return to Kattegat, we can fix them and finally be with each other," He explained to her calmly, "Perhaps we can marry."

Tova nodded, her eyes slowly opening as she heard his words. Tears began to fill her eyes as she smiled sadly, trying her hardest not to cry. "I would like that very much," She spoke up, but Bjorn didn't notice that she was on the verge of crying.

"Perhaps this is what we need. Time away from people to fix our issues," He admitted and Tova simply nodded, "Are you alright? You're suddenly quiet."

"I'm fine, just tired," Tova replied in a whisper as she closed her eyes.

"Alright. We should sleep, then," Bjorn suggested and Tova didn't respond. He leaned toward, pressing a kiss to Tova's head before he closed his eyes.

As Bjorn drifted off into sleep, Tova slowly opened her eyes. She let out a large sigh, her expression becoming filled with guilt.

____

The following day, Bjorn woke up with a groan as he felt the sun shining into the cabin. He frowned when he opened his eyes, finding Tova not lying with him on the ground.

"Tova?" He called out as he looked around, only to stop when he saw Tova's furs still hanging near the doors, "Tova?"

A concerned look on his face, Bjorn immediately stood up. Where could Tova have gone without her furs? She would freeze to death without them.

Hours passed and Bjorn was walking through the woods, searching for Tova. He was calling out to her, desperate to find her.

She had left no tracks behind, meaning she could have been anywhere. He had been traveling east for several hours when he suddenly stopped. He bent down, noticing some tracks in the snow.

He removed his gloves and ran his fingers over it, letting out a large sigh. He stood back up, beginning to look around. He walked forward, only to stop when he spotted a figure sitting close back against a tree.

"Tova!" He exclaimed, immediately running over to the young woman.

She was sitting there, practically lifeless. Her lips were blue and her face was paler than ever before. Her hair and eyebrows were even covered in frost. She wore nothing but her nightdress and Bjorn sighed when he saw her entire body shivering.

Bjorn gasped softly and knelt in front of her. He sighed and cupped her face in his hands. "Tova..." he trailed off when she didn't respond. Her eyes were closed but Bjorn could tell she was still alive. Just barely.

He blew on his hands, trying to make them warm. He cupped her face in his hands once more, pressing his forehead against hers. "Why, Tova? Why did you come out here, huh?" He exclaimed, trying his hardest not to snap at her, "You are not even wearing furs!"

Slowly, Tova's eyes fluttered open and Bjorn stared at her with wide eyes. "Why did you have to ruin everything?" She managed to get out, her voice hoarse and scratchy.

"What do you mean?" Bjorn asked her, frowning in concern.

Tova sighed, her eyes closing once more. "I came here to die," She confessed, causing Bjorn's expression to become consumed with horror.

"You can't die. I won't let you. You must live. Live for Ubbe, Hvitserk, Sigurd, and Ivar. Live for Lagertha. Live for little Siggy. Live for Ragnar," He demanded, cupping her face in his hands as he gave her a pleading look, "Live for me."

"I don't want to live anymore," She argued as she began to tear up, "I don't want to be in pain anymore," She paused, beginning to cry as she shook her head, "I can't take it anymore, Bjorn. I want it to stop. Please make it stop."

Bjorn sighed, not responding to her words. He removed his cloak and wrapped her with it. He wasted no time picking her up, carrying her in the direction of the cabin.

Oof Aslaug was right. 😬 Tova went to the mountains to kill herself.