《Utterly Barbaric || Harald Finehair》xli
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Harald's heart broke when his eyes fell upon his brother's unmoving corpse.
There he was. Halfdan. His brother and companion for many years. He was now dead by his own brother's hand. Guilt overwhelmed his being as blood trickled down his face, the combined blood of all he had slain, both familiar and strange.
Being a warrior made one accustomed to the scent of blood but being faced with it time and time again, no one could ever be ready for what it meant. It may take on the guise of maroon liquid but it was a corruption that took over a person's soul.
Closing his eyes, he thought he could hear the distant shouts of celebration from the decorated halls of Valhalla. It was almost as if he could hear ale being poured and songs being sung but opening his eyes brought him back to the harsh reality that he no longer had a brother.
His jaw clenched as he tried to suppress his emotions, raising his sword above his brother's body and internally apologizing for what he had done. He could only pray to the gods that they give him the chance to reconcile with his brother once he himself enters Valhalla.
The roars of celebration caught his attention as the Frankish soldiers raced across the battlefield, their lances and spears raised as they chased after those who were still alive from Bjorn's army, soldiers who were running back to Kattegat.
Forcing himself to stand up, he raced after them, trying to immerse himself in the victory they had achieved. In fact, he needed to find Kari. She would know what to say, how to make him understand what he had done. She could remind him of everything that mattered to them.
She had always been his calming force. His anchor for when his own thoughts threatened to drive him away into the dangerous waves. As he ran, his legs burning with exertion, he tried to spot the familiar golden-haired girl only to come across more and more corpses.
Running alongside the soldiers, he began to worry as they came across piles and piles of dead soldiers, both their allies and those from the other side. Everyone lay unmoving, the battlefield resembling a massacre instead of a battleground for the kingdom of Kattegat.
Harald's heart had been pounding so loudly that he could barely hear anything. The adrenaline combined with exertion had caused him to block out most anything else. Dread began to creep in when he covered more distance.
All of a sudden, his heart froze in his chest as his eyes fell upon a sight that he had not prepared himself for. It was a sight that should have belonged in his nightmares, not at all meant to happen in real life. His hands shook before he was even able to register the sight.
Even at that moment, he had a hard time believing that what he was seeing was real and not just a figment conjured up by his own guilt to punish him. He faltered in his steps, refusing to move forward even as countless bodies ran past him, oblivious to the internal tempest surging inside him.
It could not be.
Something spurred him forward even as each step felt like walking upon a sharp end of a blade. Dread crept over him slowly until his worse fears were realized. His hand dropped the blade he was carrying, the metal clattering on the bloodstained soil.
Falling to his knees, Harald's hands were shaking as he reached over to cradle his wife's unmoving body. His hands moved to both her cheeks, being stained by both the blood and the blue paint he had applied to her face. "Kari, no. Trouble, l-look at me. Open your eyes. I need you to open those eyes for me. Please!"
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Her body gave out no response, no indication at all that she heard him. Harald pulled her into his lap, holding her body close as he pressed his ear to her chest, praying to all the gods that he would hear her heart beating.
She was covered in so much blood that it was hard to discern whether the blood was hers or someone else's. She had an open wound on her shoulder, the leather ripped straight through to show the terrible laceration. Her hands were drenched in maroon liquid as if she had tried to stop the bleeding. Her eyelids remained shut and her pale skin was cold. So very cold.
There was nothing. For a long moment, there was no heartbeat. Tears had already begun to spill from Harald's eyes as he recalled everything about her. All their conversations and their arguments, he would do anything to have it all returned to him. His will began to falter as each second passed and there was still nothing.
He had once said that he could never live in a world without her, prayed with all his might that he might never know a tomorrow without her. Yet now, it seemed that he would be all alone after all. It was almost as if he could feel his heart start to shrivel up and decay within his chest, refusing to beat for a second longer than his love had lived.
That was when he heard it. A small thud. So soft but it could still be heard, it was there. For a moment, he had thought that he imagined it but as he listened more intently, he could hear her heart beating within outstretched fragments of time. It was slow and soft, fragile even but he was not imagining things.
"Help! Somebody help me!" Harald called out desperately to anyone who could come to her aid. Not wasting a second more, he hoisted her into his arms, careful not to jostle any other part of her body for he did not know the extent of her injuries.
That drew everyone's attention to him. Their eyes turned to the king and queen in confusion and even worry. They had won and their enemies had retreated which meant that all they had hoped for had come to pass. But as their gazes landed on the figure being carried by their king, they realized why he was in such distress.
Harald headed towards the makeshift area where they were treating the wounded. Groans of pain were heard all around and Harald could not help but feel panic as Kari had not even uttered a single sound. In no time, a bed was cleared and he placed Kari upon it gently before turning frantically to the healer.
"Save my wife." Harald commanded the healer, making sure that she saw to Kari's wounds first before anyone else. It was a selfish thing since she was not the only one who was injured but he did not care. He needed her to be alright.
Harald hovered around the area, refusing to budge from his position by her side. He watched as the healer cut off a part of the leather armor that Kari was wearing, revealing the wound. It was a terrible sight. The blood made it ghastly but the wound itself tore through her pale flesh.
Blood continued to spill from the open wound, the area looking redder than anything. It marred through her skin like a bite, desecrating what had been an unblemished part of her body.
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He had his own fair share of wounds and injuries but seeing them upon his wife's body, he felt the urge to hurl. He was a fool, a stupid, idiotic fool. He should've remained at her side. No matter what she said, no matter how much she protested, he should've known better. The safest place she could be was at his side.
Noticing that he had begun to lose his temper, the healer sent him away. Although he refused and put up a good fight, the healer had reasoned that she would not be able to do her work properly if he was there hovering and contradicting all her decisions.
As he left the area, his vision blurred with tears and he fell to his knees. It was wrong. Kari was good and kind, a pure soul who saw the best in others. It should've been him instead. Not her. Pushing to his feet, he found his feet taking him to the spot where he had found her.
His gaze turned red as his eyes landed on the blade in the grass. It was a blade that he was familiar with, having seen it in the hands of Lagertha. It was Lagertha who did this, who hurt Kari, who tried to kill her. The woman who had taken much from him, the woman who could be the cause of his wife's demise.
His jaw clenched with anger, he picked up the sword and threw it as far as he could. A pained scream escaped his lips as he released everything he was feeling, a cry of a broken man needing to purge everything from his body until nothing remained. He wanted the pain to be gone, the guilt, the sorrow. He wanted it all gone.
But most of all, he just wanted his wife to be alive.
Ivar's voice sounded from behind him, not even surprising him. "What happened to Kari?"
"It was that bitch Lagertha. She-" Harald's voice cracked, not bearing to say the next words. He settled for closing his eyes before confessing his guilt. "I failed. I failed Kari."
"She's still alive, isn't she? She will be fine. Do not mourn." Ivar said though his own tone was unsure. On one hand, he was ecstatic with their victory but seeing his sister's condition caused by the woman who killed his mother, the familiar rage filled his veins at how the woman kept getting away with everything. "She will live, she's too stubborn to die."
Harald shook his head, not bearing to hope. The other man's words fell upon deaf ears. He had already lost his brother. He had lost so much in his life but to lose the only woman who ever saw the good in him, it made him wish that he was dead.
"It's my fault. It's all my fault."
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For a person living a dream, mornings were just the beginning.
At least, that was how it felt for Harald. For most of his life, he preferred sleeping to being awake, taking refuge in dreams and ambitions of what he hoped to achieve in the future. Waking up meant that he was back at the start, with no clue as to how to return to his dreams.
It was as if after arriving at the destination, he found himself right at the start, wanting nothing more than to be back where he thought he was. That was before. Before her.
Dreaming and sleeping became time wasted, time he spent apart from her. He treasured every waking moment and dreaded every nightfall for it meant that they would be separated for mere moments. It was impossible not to sleep but he had thought that he would give up sleeping forever if he could see her all the time.
He could remember what had brought forward that idea. It was after a long night of drinking and celebrating in Wessex. He could not remember being that carefree in so long. She may have limited memories of the night, having woken up in surprise when Halfdan surprised them, but he remembered every second.
The jokes they shared, the laughter they ushered from each other. Everything was perfect. For the first time in his life, he had found another he enjoyed spending time with other than his brother. It was a night that he did not want to end.
The mornings were much better. Recalling the moment after they had married, he could almost live out the moment perfectly within his mind. Seeing her so beautiful, her golden hair splayed out on their pillows, her body turning toward him. Perfectly content, perfectly happy with him.
Even when she was asleep, her lips would form a soft smile, as if she was sharing in a secret with him. In mornings that he awoke before her, he would find himself tracing her lips, and gazing at her in wonder.
He would lean over to capture her lips in a kiss, waiting for her to react, moving along with him. When they would part, her eyes would flicker open for the first time that morning, a perfect expression of surprise and glee in them as if she herself could not begin to fathom how that was her life.
His life became a dream that he never wished to leave. For a time, it was perfect. For a time, it was all he ever wanted.
Now, all he wished was that she would still be there to continue living it with him for his life was meaningless without her.
The healer had done her best to stabilize Kari's condition but there was nothing else to be done but wait. She had lost a lot of blood and her wound was beginning to show early signs of infection.
With the limited supplies they had, they were only able to clean the wound and cover it with clean white gauze. She was at high risk of fever and if it was not properly closed, she could continue bleeding out.
Harald spurred his horse forward, glancing behind him to the cart where Kari was being transported in. They would be arriving in Kattegat soon where there were hopefully more supplies and herbs that could be used to help Kari.
Fortunately, there were no barricades set in place which meant that Bjorn, Lagertha, and the others were far away from this place. All their plans had been foiled and all that was left was to take Kattegat for their own.
'Shame,' Harald thought. Without Kari, there was nothing stopping him from wreaking havoc and killing all of them for what they did to her. He did not care if it was Lagertha who attacked her, they were all at fault and they would all pay.
Once they had arrived at the main hall, Harald directed his men inside, not wasting any more time. They hurriedly did as he asked, carrying the stretcher that Kari was in to bring her inside. The rooms inside had clearly been vacated in a rush, items strewn across the floors messily.
Giving no attention to those things, Harald led his men into one of the rooms, instructing them to transfer Kari to the bed. The healer arrived not long after with new supplies taken from Kattegat's stores.
Ivar remained outside to address the people of Kattegat, basking in their victory. He could partake in it now but Harald decided that whatever victory he would celebrate, he would celebrate it with his wife.
Some time had passed and the skies had already started to darken yet Harald still did not leave the room. He did not leave when the healer had finished with her work, telling him that there was nothing else to do but wait.
He did not leave when he had changed Kari out of her dirty ragged armor, dressing her in fresh clean clothes. He did not leave even when his men called to him, asking him to join the celebrations.
He stayed by her side, watching as her eyes remained closed. He could not help but count each breath carefully, wanting to make sure that she was still breathing. His eyes never left her, not even once.
Not helping himself, he leaned over to brush her hair from her face, his thumb stroking her soft cheek gently. Her necklace weighed heavily around his neck. "Please don't leave me, Trouble. Please wake up."
Harald slowly pressed his lips to hers, wishing beyond belief that she would open her eyes and smile at him as she usually did when he woke her up that way. But her lips remained unmoving and her eyelids remained shut.
Hope turned to dread. Anger turned to fear. Love turned to desperation.
He was afraid to lose her.
He was afraid that he already had.
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Hello everyone! Yes, some peak angst for all of you today :> There's just something about drama teehee! Not to worry though, things will get better. or not.
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