Kari leaned against her husband contentedly, a lazy smile on her face as he rubbed circles on her waist.

Now that everyone was sure that no fights would be breaking out, the crowds had dispersed, leaving the five of them to speak in the light of the hearth. They all listened on as Rollo told the story of a berserker who had lived to a frustrated old age.

His tone was tinged with regret and acceptance. It reflected uncertainty and longing for the path not taken, of the man he could have been if he had remained a Viking. Had he chosen a different direction.

Kari could not help but wonder what would have happened had she succumbed to her injury. She would have been reunited with her father and mother for all eternity but she would also be saying goodbye to so much.

She placed her hand on her abdomen, taking comfort in the child she knew was in there. The child gave her hope that things would get better, maybe not now, but someday. Someday, they would get the life they so desired and have all their ambitions fulfilled.

"And carry them up to the top of the high cliff and throw them off of it so he could hear for one last time the noise of battle." Rollo concluded his story, drinking from his cup to mask the vulnerability on his face.

"Ah, you would've loved it, Uncle. The battles were fierce. Great warriors were slain on both sides. Odin must have been happy to take so many back to sup with him in Valhalla." Hvitserk remarked, prideful of all that they had been through.

"Not you, brother. Not Kari." Ivar reminded him, not wanting to think of the possibility of losing more people close to him.

"No, not us." Hvitserk agreed, nodding as he turned to his sister who smiled at him. He was relieved that she was alright, it only made the victory that much sweeter.

"Although I did come quite close to it." Kari said, leaning further into Harald as his arm wrapped tighter around her waist. He did not want to accept the fact that he could have lost her. What mattered to him now was that she was safe, they were both safe.

"Are you alright?" Rollo found himself asking.

"I will be." Kari answered, thinking twice before adding. "Bjorn saved my life."

"As Ubbe spared mine." Hvitserk nodded, remembering how Ubbe had his blade to his neck, only to attack someone else. He could have ended his life then and there but he didn't. It gave him hope that one day, they might not have to see each other as enemies.

"Well, they are your brothers after all." Rollo continued as though there was no question about it. He himself could remember the times when he and Ragnar clashed but at the end of the day, they were brothers.

Harald stiffened beside her, making Kari look up at him in concern. Ivar glanced at him cautiously, not knowing how the man could react. There was another part of him that sympathized with Harald as he remembered his own sin of fratricide, how he still woke up with nightmares of what he did.

He could relate in a way, knowing what the other man was feeling. Killing Sigurd had changed him and he could only imagine what Harald was feeling after killing Halfdan. After all, there was no question that Harald and Halfdan were joined at the hip before all the chaos ensued.

"What's wrong?" Kari murmured under her breath, careful not to let everyone else hear as worry pooled in her eyes.

Harald closed his eyes, attempting to rein his feelings in, trying to calm the tempest surging within him, threatening to tear him apart in front of everyone there. His wife's gentle touch helped though it didn't mute the sounds of battle and the memory that took over his mind.

"What is it I should know?" Rollo questioned, looking between them suspiciously as they all shared looks with hidden meaning.

"I killed Halfdan." Harald said, his voice clear and strong even as his hand shook. "I killed my brother."

"No." Kari uttered the word, not even willingly as her mind ran wild upon hearing such things from her husband. It could not be true. It could not be. Harald would never. He could never fathom even drawing a blade against his brother.

Her eyes were wide with shock as she struggled to keep her wits about her. Everyone had continued the conversation as if hearing such a thing did not change anything about their day. But her day, her life was just changed.

She tried to control her breathing yet she could feel her heart race with dread. Her husband's eyes that had once brought her such comfort and calm only made her feel horror and sorrow. Even as his hand tried to hold her, she sprang back from his touch.

Harald opened his mouth to try to explain. "Trouble-"

Kari stood up hastily, plastering a fake smile on her face as she tried to maintain her politeness while her heart broke for the first friend she had. "Forgive me but I am not feeling well. This child has been fighting a war in my body so if you'll excuse me, I need some air."

Once they had all nodded, she fled the room and managed to make her way back to her chambers. Shutting the door behind her, she finally allowed the tears to spill from her eyes as unwanted memories crept up on her.

She could still remember Halfdan's laughs and his witty quips. It was so easy to remember all the times they stayed awake talking about both the bright and dreary topics. She would never forget how he welcomed her into this world and treated her as a sister even before she married Harald.

Harald burst into the room behind her, gazing at her imploringly. "Kari."

Kari demanded, shaking her head as she thought about how everyone tiptoed around this. Something she should have known. "How could you not tell me? All of you knew! All this time and none of you said anything!"

He tried, reaching out for her, only for her to increase the distance between them. "You needed rest. You had just recovered. You didn't need to know."

She wiped away the tears that continued to fall, blurring her sight. "Know that my dearest friend had been killed by his brother? Harald, why? Bjorn spared me. Ubbe spared Hvitserk."

"I don't know. I don't know."

And at that moment, they broke. Their sorrow lingered between them but whereas before where one comforted the other, now, no one could. No one could be the comfort for they both needed it.

For both of them were mourning the man they both loved. A man they had lost due to their own choices.

Nothing would ever be the same again.

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"I'm sorry."

They had managed to pick themselves up and now, they were both sitting side by side on the bed they shared. Harald looked down at his hands. Even now, he could see the stain of his brother's blood. He doubt that he could ever look at them without seeing maroon.

No matter how many times he washed them and how many times he would scrub them, it erased nothing when the smell and presence of blood remained on his mind, as well as his heart.

Even Kari saw him as the murderer he was. Not a warrior, a murderer. He would never forget the look in her eyes when she found out what he had done. It was unlike all the other times when she was angry with him. She looked as if he had betrayed her in the worst way possible.

"It's not your fault." Kari answered softly, her tears had long since dried, and now, she knew they needed each other if they were to get through this.

"I killed him. How could it not be my fault?" He let out a bitter laugh, not knowing if he could ever face her again. "While I was busy killing my brother, you were fighting for your life."

"We were at war." She reasoned, finally bringing up her eyes to look at him. In the depths of his eyes were the many turbulent emotions and various questions that she herself did not have the answers to.

"At a war of our own making." He responded, pain taking over his features. He clenched his jaw in an attempt to restrain himself but it was too late. Every emotion flooded in and there was only so much he could do to fight against the current that threatened to drag him down and pull him under.

It was a bitter truth. Everything that had happened may not be solely their fault but they were a huge part of it. That much was true. There was no denying that everything they did, everything they had done had brought them to what was now their present.

Their reality was unchanging and their nightmares had come to pass. Their losses were a result of their actions and their decisions. All that had happened could have been avoided if they had made different choices. But it was too late now.

Kari turned to face her husband, looking at him intently as his eyes raised to meet hers. Both of their emotions laid bare in front of each other, no more secrets. "How did we get here? How have we managed to get here?"

There would be no more feigning strength. No more pretending that things were alright. No more avoiding the hard topics. They saw each other for how they truly are. Exhausted from all the fighting and all of the sacrifices.

Perhaps the dream just wasn't meant to be.

Harald's hand reached out to clasp hers, intertwining their fingers together as he asked the question that was lingering in the air. "What do we do now?"

She leaned her head on his shoulder, his musky scent filling her senses and reminding her that though they have lost much, they still had plenty. "We have our kingdom. We have our people. We have our child."

He said, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close to him until they were locked into an embrace. "And we have each other."

Every Viking was said to live for the thrill of adventure and battle. But the two had lost someone very important to them and they never wanted to risk losing anything more for a kingdom. They were to be parents, after all. There was already enough risk of losing each other. But no more.

Now was not the time to conquer kingdoms.

Not now, but perhaps someday.

"Let's go home."

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Hello everyone!! This will be the last chapter for the first part of the book heeheehee. There will be a time skip which is why I'll be dividing the book into two parts to focus on the Harald and Kari-centered parts of the story teehee :>

After this, things will never be the same oomphs. Stay tuned and sending you all my love