Clarke was asleep again. She'd practically fallen asleep at the wheel she was so tired. Bellamy had tucked her in about 20 minutes ago, and since then he'd taken a shower and texted Murphy and Raven, who were on their way home.

Not that they lived together, they lived separately, even though the whole group shipped them. Bellamy sighed loudly and leaned back, forgetting for half an instant that he was on a stool with no back and flailing to stay upright. He settled for leaning forward instead, rubbing his neck, which was prickling with goosebumps.

He hadn't meant to lose control. But he knew he couldn't let it happen again. He had to stay strong, for Clarke and all the rest of his friends.

Bellamy glanced at the clock, it was about 3:30. He did a double take. "Oh, crap." He muttered to himself. It was time for Clarke's online Saturday baking class. He knocked on the door to her room, but she didn't respond.

"... Clarke?"

Again, no response.

Bellamy cracked the door and peeked inside. Clarke was in bed, thrashing around. Bellamy swore under his breath before rushing into the room to wake her up. He shook her shoulders, gently at first then more persistent until her eyes flew open. Her eyes focused and she saw him, and then she burst into tears.

Bewildered, Bellamy moved to her side to comfort her. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"I- It's her... e- every n- night it's h- her..."

Bellamy's heart twisted. "Who? It's who?"

"Oct- Octavia... it's her Bell, I- I see her w- when I s- sleep, I couldn't s- save her Bell," Clarke moans. "I- I couldn't fu- fucking save h- her..."

Bellamy hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head. "Oh jesus Clarke, I had no idea..." He had the same nightmares. He was tempted to tell her, but this moment was about her, not him.

"I- I was so- so c- close... if sh- she'd just l- lived o- one more m- minute..."

Bellamy squeezed his eyes shut. She'd almost done it, she'd almost saved his sister. "A- and Lincoln," she continued. "H- he was dead b- by the t- time I g- got there, a- and she wa- wasn't, and I- I... oh, oh f- fuck Bell, I r- really thought I could save her..."

"You tried," He told her. "You tried, and that's all that matters."

And Clarke cried, and she cried, and she cried. And she missed her baking class.

...

Clarke emerged from her room about an hour later. She looked a bit better, at least she wasn't sobbing anymore. "Hey." he greeted her, patting the couch space next to him for her to sit down on.

She obliged, curling up into his side with a small sigh. Bellamy curled his arm around her and grabbed the remote. "What do you say we watched a documentary?"

She nodded against his side. "Okay."

She looked up at him and smiled wanly. He smiled back, not thinking much of it until she gasped. "Oh my god."

Bellamy blinked, the smile instantly falling from his face. "What?"

"You just smiled! Bell, you smiled!" she started laughing and Bellamy's brow furrowed even furthur.

She hugged him and while they were close in proximity, breathed in his ear: "You haven't smiled since she died."

She pulled back and he blanched. "You've been keeping track?"

Clarke laughed, albeit a little shyly, and muttered: "Of course." Before grabbing the controller and pressing on Netflix. Bellamy stared at her in shock and she nuzzled into his side again.

Their eyes made contact and he smiled again.

Her beam could have melted the sun it was so bright. Clarke picked a documentary called 'The Inventor- Out for Blood in Silicon Valley'. When Bellamy gave her a questioning glance, she shrugged and said: "What? I heard it was good."

And it was.

...

Clarke and Bellamy were sitting next to each other eating pizza. "Okay, but like, why didn't she just fess up?" Bellamy was asking.

Clarke crossed her legs and squinted at him. "What, and admit she couldn't do it?"

Bellamy shrugged. "I mean... yeah?"

Clarke laughed, then took a contemplative bite of pizza. The conversation fizzled out as they ate. Bellamy stood up and put the leftovers in the fridge. "What time is it?" Clarke asked, and Bellamy pulled his phone out of his pocket.

"7." He called back.

For some reason, he felt lighter than he had before. When he told Clarke this, she just shook her head and smiled. "I knew it."

He frowned. "You knew what?"

"You feel better because you actually let yourself feel a little bit," when he still looked confused, she sighed and added: "Okay, think about it like this. You have this mini panic attack about Octavia, right? And then, afterwards, you start smiling and you feel better. Remember what I always tell you?"

She turned to Bellamy and waited for a response. "You, uh, you have to let it all out?"

Clarke flicked him on the nose. "Exactly."

The sudden closeness of her made his breath catch. That hadn't happened in a while. Maybe he was getting better. Maybe she was right and he really did have to face his fears to feel better.

Bellamy swallowed nervously. "But how do I do that? How do I... 'let it all out'?"

Clarke shrugged. "It all depends. I would recommend going to her grave, it might help you say goodbye." He'd never visited her grave before. He'd been too scared.

Bellamy shut his eyes and clenched his fist before he whispered: "Okay."

"Really?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Let's go... at the end of the month."

Clarke hugged him. "I know that it's hard, but we'll get through this together."

The word, 'together,' sent a little thrill through his body. "Yeah. Together."

...

The next week, which happened to be the last week of school, was a busy one. He had to stay after school several times to help students with their end of the school year project, a presentation that Bellamy hoped to finish by Thursday so that they could have a party on the last day of school.

He was going to miss his students, hopefully he'd get some of the more diligent workers again next year.

On Wednesday, Clarke snuck up on him while he was finishing grading some kids test retakes. "Hey." she said mildly, and he almost jumped a mile.

Bellamy let out a shaky laugh. "Jesus Clarke, you gave me a heart attack!"

"Sorry," she amended. "But I wanted to ask, after you're done, can we watch a movie?"

He nodded, feeling a little bad that he'd been too busy to hang out with her much this week. "Yeah, of course."

She left, leaving him to finish his grading. He'd been feeling a little more down lately, like the euphoria of shedding the numbness was wearing off. He knew he wasn't back to his full self yet, he still couldn't bring himself to joke about anything.

But it was fine. He would get better.