Performed by;

•Jason Dean (JD)

•Veronica Sawyer

•The Heathers: (Chandler and McNamara)

•McCord

•Milner

•Cops

•Principal Gowan

•Ms Fleming

•Coach Ripper

•Faculty Members

•Hipster Dork

•Republicanette

•Kids

•New Wave Girl

J.D.

[Spoken]

Think. Long and hard. Conjure her up in your mind. What would she say?

What is her final statement to a cold, uncaring planet?

VERONICA

(Writing) "Dear world...

Believe it or not, I knew about fear;

I knew the way loneliness stung.

I hid behind smiles and crazy hot clothes;

I learned to kiss boys with my tongue."

J.D.

That's good.

VERONICA

"But oh, the world, it held me down;

it weighed like a concrete prom queen crown."

(Dead Heather Chandler sits up. Only Veronica sees her)

HEATHER CHANDLER

No one thinks a pretty girl has feelings.

No one gets her insecurity.

I am more than shoulder pads and makeup.

No one sees the me inside of me.

[Spoken] Jesus, you're making me sound like Air Supply.

J.D.

Keep going. This has to be good enough to fool the cops.

(Two Policemen, McCord and Milner, investigate the crime scene)

MCCORD

Whoa! Is it murder?

MILNER

No, look. Here's a suicide note.

VERONICA, HEATHER, COPS

"They couldn't see past my rockstar mystique,

They wouldn't dare look in my eyes.

But just underneath was a terrified girl

who clings to her pillow and cries!

My looks were just like prison bars;

they've left me a myriad of scars."

HEATHER CHANDLER

"Myriad." Nice.

(The COPS hand the suicide note to Principal Gowan)

VERONICA, HEATHER, COPS

"No one thinks a pretty girl has substance. That's the curse of popularity."

(Gowan reads the note aloud)

PRINCIPAL GOWAN

"I am more than just a source of handjobs."

VERONICA, HEATHER, GOWAN, COPS

"No one sees the me inside of me."

(The COPS exit. GOWAN joins FLEMING, RIPPER and some FACULTY)

PRINCIPAL GOWAN

[Spoken] Heather Chandler is not your everyday suicide.

COACH RIPPER

You should cancel classes.

PRINCIPAL GOWAN

No way, Coach.

I send the kids home before lunch and the switchboard'll light up like a Christmas tree.

MS. FLEMING

Out children are dying.

I suggest we get everyone into the cafeteria and just talk. And feel. Together.

PRINCIPAL GOWAN

Thank you, Ms. Fleming. Call me when the shuttle lands.

MS. FLEMING

I'm telling you we all misjudged Heather Chandler.

This is the loveliest suicide not I've ever read.

MS. FLEMING & HEATHER CHANDLER

"Box up my clothing for Goodwill,

and give the poor my Nordic Track.

Donate my car to crippled kids,

or to those ghetto moms on crack.

Give them my hats and my CDs,

my pumps and my flats, my three TVs!"

HEATHER CHANDLER, FACULTY

"No one thinks a pretty girl has feelings;

but I weep for all I failed to be.

Maybe I can help the world by leaving;

Maybe that the me inside of me."

PRINCIPAL GOWAN

Aw, hell. Long weekend for everybody!

(Teachers cheer, as do arriving students)

MS. FLEMING

Not so fast, kids. They're refueling the buses, which gives us a solid half-hour of healing.

I've mimeographed copies of the suicide note so you can feel Heather's anguish.

HEATHER MCNAMARA

I never knew about her pain.

MS. FLEMING

Go on!

HIPSTER DORK

Her life had hit a rocky patch.

MS. FLEMING

Feel!

YOUNG REPUBLICANETTE

Deep down she wasn't cruel or vain -

MS. FLEMING

Heal!

KIDS

She didn't mean to be such a snatch!

MS. FLEMING

Veronica, you're very quiet. What's on your mind.

VERONICA

Uh, maybe Heather realized that in order to be happy she had to give up her power.

And the only way to do that was... death.

MS. FLEMING

My God.

Look what we've done.

We're breaking through!

Heather would be so proud of you!

KIDS

And you! And you! And you! And you!

EVERYBODY

No one thinks a pretty girl can touch you...

NEW WAVE GIRL

Heather touching me...

EVERYBODY

But she's made us better than we were.

Heather's dead, but she will live inside me, and I'll be the me inside of her...

HEATHER CHANDLER

Holy crap! This is awesome!

EVERYBODY

Heather cried, our sins fell on her shoulders!

HEATHER CHANDLER

Jesus Christ!

EVERYBODY

Heather died, so we could all be free!

HEATHER CHANDLER

I'm bigger than John Lennon!

KIDS

(Variously)

Heather's gone, but she will live forever!

She's the dove that sings outside my window!

She's the twin from whom

I'm separated!

She's the horse I never got for Christmas!

EVERYBODY

Heather sees the me inside of me!

Heather is the me inside of me!

Inside of... me!