the past few weeks had gone by so quickly that the days had all blurred together. we had three days until june 10th.

for the past week or two, i had been having a constant sick feeling in my stomach. it would get better, and worse, but it would never go away entirely. my stomach felt like it had been harshly flipped inside out. it felt like i was falling.

it was mattia and i's last day alone together. tomorrow the cops and lawyers would be over to pack everything up and drive us back to the city to prepare us for court.

mattia and i tried our best to convince each other that we would be completely fine, that we would come out stronger than ever, but i could see the subtle fear that hid in his eyes. terror, in fact. i was aware that my eyes hinted at the same message.

the thought of having to live a life without mattia terrified me, especially after these months together.

a dark cloud of separation anxiety hung over me and followed me everywhere, even into my sleep, growing bigger and bigger every time i thought about june 10th. which was practically all the time.

'can we just stay here, together, all day today?' i asked mattia quietly, referring to our bed.

then i remembered that in a few days this wouldn't be our bed anymore, actually, there would probably never be an 'our' bed ever again for us.

'of course we can, baby.' he said as he gently pulled my gnawed fingernails away from my lips.

'i'm spiralling again, mattia.'

'i know,' he sighed, 'i'm scared too, but no matter what happens, just know that i love you so fucking much, y/n.'

'i love you too.' i whispered, too breathless and overwhelmed to conjure up anything more, or to even make eye contact.

'it's okay.' he said, stroking my hair and nodding his head understandingly, 'but listen to me, y/n, i need you to hear me clearly right now.'

i nodded.

'if it ever comes down to it, you are always number one priority. okay? you're going to be my number one priority and you're also going to be your own number one priority.'

'mattia-' i tried to say.

'y/n, i know how much you love me, trust me, but you're carrying our child, and i need you to know that i will do literally anything to protect the two of you. so, if you can't do it for me, do it for our baby. because if me and you get separated, babe, i need to know that you'll at least have someone, even if it's only a baby.'

'mattia.. i don't even know what to say.' i responded.

'just promise me.' he replied, his voice breaking so quietly that it was almost unnoticeable.

'i promise.' i said, my eyes beginning to well up after a moment of hesitation.

'come here.' mattia said, pulling me in and smothering me in a wave of warm affection.

i stared obsessively at his face, painting a detailed mental picture of him in my mind, so that i could have him with me all the time.

he stared back silently.

i knew for a fact that if i were to lose him, i would never find anyone like mattia again. i would never be able to find someone who i could quietly admire without being questioned for it, let alone someone who would admire me back, the electricity between us was almost visible.

hours of content silence passed by before either of us spoke again. mattia would occasionally brush his fingertips against the edges of my face, or i would play with his hair, but we didn't even have to speak to enjoy each other's company, and i loved that about us.

eventually we brought some food into bed and ate together.

'i love the way you eat.'

'what do you mean?' he giggled.

'i don't know, but you just eat in such a unique way.' i said.

'well, is it a good unique or an ugly unique.' he asked.

'mattia, you could literally do anything and i'd find it attractive, it's a good unique, trust me.'

'well that's good to know.' he smirked.

'shut up.' i laughed, pushing him gently in the shoulder, but somehow almost sending him falling off the bed.

'i fucking hate you.' he stated as i burst out laughing.

'i barely even touched you bruh.' i cackled.

'fuck i'm so bloated right now, i feel like i have two babies inside me.' i said after calming down.

'speaking of, you haven't even started showing that much yet.' he said, signaling towards my stomach.

'i know, we're so lucky.'

'for real.'

the rest of the day went by in literal seconds, and all of a sudden, the both of us were tired and decided to go to bed.

i took all of my stuff out of our room and started shifting it all to the other room which was supposed to be mine, because if the cops were to show up early tomorrow, we couldn't let them catch us sleeping together.

after mattia and i had moved everything, we just stood there and hugged.

we hugged for a while, i listened to his heartbeat whilst every inch of my body told me not to let go of him as we rocked back and forth slowly.

i held back my tears as i felt the anxiety cloud begin to stretch from one corner of the ceiling to the other, eventually filling the entire upper area of the room.

'it'll be over soon.' he whispered to me, sensing my emotions somehow.

'i love you.' my voice broke as i finally detached myself from him.

'i love you.' he said.

i gave him a short, but passionate, kiss, aware that if i didn't let go of him now, i would struggle painfully throughout the days that were coming.

i unclasped my palms from his, and watched him walk away and shut the door behind him, from an unfamiliar bed.