[Roman]

*~*~*

Happiness tells a tale of ups;

Sadness tells a tale of downs;

Love. Tells both.

The anguish, the guilt, the agony

Of being in love.

Or the exhilaration, the adrenalin, the euphoria,

Of being in love.

It doesn't matter.

Because once you are in love;

You will take it all, for better or worse.

*~*~*

I don't know why. I don't understand nor do I have the knowledge of why I am currently sifting through my wardrobe for the best looking outfit I can find. And it's not limited to that, I tried to tie my hair up at least 30 different times to achieve the most effortless looking messy man bun. Doesn't sound very effortless to me.

For some reason, my bones are telling me to be attractive. Just for today. Doesn't matter if I dress up like a hobo to work or wear virtually nothing to the gym, I just want to look good for the day. And the problem with that is, I have no clothes that look remotely attractive and is able to protect me from the unforgiving breeze that has seemed to be around these days.

"Rommy! Hurry up! I wanna have cotton candy!" Paris whines in the living room of my apartment. She doesn't even live in the parents' house anymore because they are never around. It's always just a cycle of them leaving for 'business trips' and then leaving her in my apartment, and when they feel like coming back to daughter dearest they pick her up from school and invade my apartment, taking her belongings away without so much as a note. Sometimes it scares the shit out of me thinking about how my baby sister is just magically non-existent. Then I think of my parents and I sulk for a day or two.

"Alright let's go." I check if my breath smells, refraining from the onions in my omelet and the much needed coffee of the morning. Yellow teeth and bad breath is not on my list today, not that I'm going to be kissing anyone. I just need to not feel like a tray of scum.

I settled for jeans that show off my ass, and a deep V fitted shirt, and by jeans that show off my ass, I mean jeans that my ex boyfriend bought me and claimed that they looked great on me, only that they were tighter than a corset and cuts off my circulation. Good job Owen. I went as far as trimming my chest hair and snipping off split ends of my hair.

The way I am justifying this is to say that I have an interview with Skylar's boyfriend that afternoon, so it's important for me to stay somewhat presentable. But that won't last long until I go back to the messy, disorganized hobo look I sport every morning going to work. Got to maintain that wow factor, you know?

Or maybe this is all just a very comprehensive allusion that my brain is trying to make. My brain isn't 100% on this yet, but my heart is already beating with purpose, and that is to impress Skylar. Boyfriend or not I just want to be something to him. Anything, really.

~

There are truck loads of people at the event, not just kids from the school could join, anyone with an invite or has a ticket from the invite can come. At least that's what I think, if it's not what it is then tough shit, I'm already here in all my suffocating leg glory.

Okay, here we go.

Paris gets guided off into a group of kids by a teacher, not Skylar though, still haven't seen him which I find odd, he's the class teacher, he should be the one guiding them. But for now, I can't do much but be careful not to step on little children because being tall is a chore and a half. "Go now. Have fun."

"Okie!" She giggles as I kiss her forehead. She's extra excited today, for a good reason too, I suppose. There are only so many things that an adult can be excited over after you hit a certain age. And after you come to terms with reality, everything goes down hill from there. Or maybe that's just me.

It's still a school day so the kids are under the school's responsibility, Saturday is the day meant for kids and parents to enjoy. But I guess all these parents have spare time to fuck around instead of actually doing their jobs.

But shocker, I'm also not at work, the interview with Felix is honestly another avenue for me to manifest some sort of working holiday. It's just one day, I'm sure the shop won't combust and collapse. I hope not at least, Melissa and Johnny aren't necessarily the easiest on the old microwave. They think it's a great idea to leave their plastic utensils in there while heating food, and make sense of it saying that they at least used a ceramic bowl.

It's not how it works, if there's plastic, there's cancer floating around the pantry.

You don't need them. I thought to myself as I walked toward a less populated area, people are the least of my concerns right now, and even less are children. I eventually end up at the pool entrance.

If only my parents cared a fraction as much. Being able to walk around and have fun with their children, but I, of course, ruined their lives for them. Not my fault they didn't use a condom, that's on them.

Pacing aimlessly in front of a wall of posters, I am greeted by a man slightly shorter, tan complexion, clean stubble, styled hair, but not my type. He looks stuck up rich, his fancy clothes says it all. "Don't be nervous Aaron, You're fine." He pep talks to himself, bouncing in anticipation on the spot. Is his girlfriend in there? Is there some sort of motivational speech happening and he happens to be the speaker. If so, I'm out of here.

"Fine as in, you're about to combust?" I shoot at him while pulling my V neck slightly downwards. There's a strange air about this man that makes me want to prove that I'm better than him. My V neck is probably stretched to its limits and it's autumn, the sun in the sky only helps so much but I'd be fine.

"Well that deep V might as well plunge down to your pubes." He scoffed while fixing up his hair.

"Don't want anyone getting cancer from all that air spray."

"Go back to your gorilla mom, Tarzan."

"Why thank you –" My come back of the century was cut off when a squeal erupts from the pool.

The high pitched noise dies down to a rhythmic giggle. "Stop throwing water at me Felix! That's not nice!"

It's Skylar. My body suddenly snaps into a stiff board, I've never wanted something this badly. Not since my ex anyway.

I'm glad didn't almost scream an innuendo in front of him.

I walk up to the automatic doors leading to an indoor pool, instantly I can feel my hair frizz up from the moisture. Sometimes long hair sucks. Had I let my hair down, I'm sure my hair would either be an afro or a very fluffed up dollar store mop that happens to be brunette.

Just being in the general area of the scene in front of me made me slightly... envious. Everything in my existence tells me that I shouldn't be here, because this is one hell of a romantic cliché to be interrupting. And the last thing I want at a children's carnival is to interrupt cute couples splashing each other senseless.

Felix has his arms around a very drenched Skylar. Skylar is wearing a white T shirt and swimming trunks while Felix has nothing but speedos on. I look over to my right, seeing that the tan guy from earlier is very over dressed for the occasion, khaki shorts, cardigan and scarf. Everything is just off about this look.

Even if he is dressed up and hot as balls, attire can only go so far with first impressions. And right now, his first impression is not looking pretty in my head.

"Oh hello! Over here!" Skylar jumps up and down, Felix holding him worriedly. I don't blame him, I would be scared of him falling and cracking his head open. Perhaps not for the same reason. Blood is hard to clean up. Not from personal experience. I swear. "Hey Roman! Hey Aaron!"

As he comes towards the two of us, I take note of his physique. He's more built than I thought, probably because his boyfriend is a tank. Skylar is extremely attractive though, even with the bruise. "Thanks for coming! Every profit goes to charity and it's a very great cause! I'm glad you support it."

His hand grips my wrist, slightly damping my jacket but I'm too amused to give a shit. I turn to see this Aaron guy following. That's when I noticed, this is his love interest. Explains the obnoxious bouncing and the excessive hair fixing. Such a nuisance.

That must mean Felix and Skylar aren't dating.

That means I have a chance at being Skylar's attention whore.

That sounded really bad, but let's face it. I'm no better than a Kardashian.

Doesn't matter, I feel like Sherlock right now.

"Why isn't your boyfriend following?" I ask flatly, wincing at how monotonous my voice is. 'I don't do emotion' he says, that's what the emo kid says, not a 29 year old man in a children's carnival.

"Who? I don't have a boyfriend." He frowns slightly, "I guess I need to work harder for anyone to like me." Shrugging his shoulders like a child.

Are you shitting me? You currently have 2 guys falling over for you, I won't be surprised if Felix is ten feet deep in love with him.

"I mean Felix. Sorry." I feel my heart beat again. I'm surprised that I have one at all.

~

"Sorry if I smell like chlorine... The pool was closed to the kids for the day so Felix thought it would be nice to swim as our daily excercise." He juts out his bottom lip and pokes Felix's ribs. "Turns out he just wants to throw water at me and hit me with those pool noodles."

Things are getting very uncomfortable, Felix had his arms around Skylar, pressing kisses to his head as he apologized. Last time I saw these two they weren't this close. But then again, last time they were in a children's school. And... they still are... what changed?

Aaron and I just sit across from them in a small makeshift café. There is clearly tension forming between us, I didn't like the guy. It just feels like he is overcompensating for his lack of wit with materialistic bullshit.

"My brother is kind enough to sponsor the running of a café for the school. I think he's around..." Skylar stands and walks around the busy arrangement of tables. "I'll be right back. Go children! Be friends!" He giggles once again and takes off, greeting almost everyone in the shop.

"So..." Aaron starts, eyeing Felix as he scowls. I just sit there impassively, sensing a certain 'dynamic' going on with the two. They must have met before. In any case, I am on Felix's side, even though he is a threat.

Instead of a response, Aaron gets completely ignored, Felix turns to me and puts on a forced smile. "Mr. Perry, I'd like to thank you for the job opportunity. I'm sure you have a line of applicants but I hope nothing between now and our interview would come into the way of my chances."

The sincerity in his voice is very admirable, but I know for a fact that he isn't a saint. Though, I can't say it's not a good show he put up. Call me cynical, I don't care. "Felix. Please tell me you're not going to be this uptight all the time. The last thing I need is stuck up as- morons." Unsuspectingly eyeing Aaron, who, right now, is the epitome of a stuck up moron.

"Sorry. I've always been formal with interviews, kind of a modern day requirement for big corporates. Forgot you don't 'do formal'." Air quoting with a deep laugh.

"I'm back! And I'm back with 2 of me!" Skylar tugs along a shivering, I'm guessing, twins. They look very similar but also not at all in attire and demeanor. They can only pass as brothers or fraternal twins. But I'm not going to question his genetics. They both have really good genetics. "This is Ryland, he's my big boy brother. Trust me! I'm not a ninja... or so you think!"

I can sense a certain tension between Felix and Ryland, sexual? Murderous? It's a fine line really. Felix stands to give his seat away at Ryland, who takes it with a smile. Felix himself goes to fetch another chair. The silent exchange is unsettling, I'm not one for words either, but I certainly can't read minds like those two are able to.

"Oh, oh. I have something for you Roman!" Skylar takes out a box of chocolate. Milk chocolate. "Under one condition though!" Is he going to bribe me into giving his friend the job? With chocolate? "I need you to smile, and... be friends with everyone at this table by tomorrow!" He giggles while setting the card and chocolate in front of me. "Do you accept the challenge?"

Right, he's an innocent soul. Cynicism doesn't apply here.

Maybe that's why he's so damn interesting.

"I'll try my best."

"It starts now! Smile Roman!" Skylar puts on the brightest smile he has. My retinas might as well have disintegrated; it is so bright.

I feel warm inside.

Maybe this kid actually cares about me.

That one smile is more than enough for all this drama to be worth it. And I would do it all again.

[x]

The five men sit around the table. Genuinely enjoying the time they are spending together.

Although, Roman and Felix has their reservations about this new 'Aaron' character, they do enjoy the conversations lead by none other than little Skylar, pouring his endless energy into keeping the talking going around, making sure everyone gets a chance to speak. He does so effortlessly.

Optimism is in his blood after all.

Optimistic or not, the five men all come from different backgrounds, have a different story to tell, they have a reason for how they think and how they act.

Truth be told, they are all adults, and one can only be qualified as an adult if they have seen the cruelty of the real world.

And all five of them have indeed.

Exposed to the lack of love, all for different reasons but the lack of love all the same.

One chose to hide behind his .

One chose to drown in all alone.

One chose to the world a little too harshly.

One chose to promise his love to one person, and that person.

And one, well, .

Because he knows, there are people out there that have seen the dark side of humanity, and he knows they need a little more to survive.

So here they are. Five souls that cross paths, souls that once thought that they lead a painful and dull life. But little did they know, all the pain killing they need is in form of the short Canadian ball of sunshine.

Sure, light inevitably casts shadows, but aren't shadows behind us for a reason?

Perhaps some would like to their own darkness behind them;

The perfect replica of who they are, a silhouette that tells the story on the outside.

But only their .

The inside is for us to fill in and for us tell the story of who we are.

Thing is, there is no 'too late' for telling our story,

Because the shadow will always be there,

Always a clear black slate,

Just like an ever-clean canvas for us to retell the story of our lives anytime we decide.

~

, is to understand it, look at it, think about it;

But acknowledging is not to relive it,

Dwelling in your shadow means turning around, and turning around means;

You lose sight of the breathtaking sunshine in front of you.

~

One would think that because the sun is so bright, there be a shadow left behind at all.

But that's not the case,

Fact is, it leaves behind a more prominent one, one that has cleaner edges that show a more perfect copy of the person.

But that's what exactly our ball of sunshine does.

He made his best friend realize that shadows will not leave,

But more importantly, to realize that the shadow is not .

You are who you want to be.

And the best friend decided,

He is not an angst filled street fighter,

He is not a criminal,

He is. .

And the ball of sunshine?

He chose to be his best friend's second chance.

His second chance at living,

Second chance at love,

Chance to be loved.

And that is the reason why Felix and Skylar shadows.

~

The rest of the five have only just crossed paths with the true nature of our sun,

But they too, one day,

Will learn to live through shadows,

And finally live .

~

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