Hanako—that was her name now, may as well start identifying with it—fidgeted quietly in her seat. Across from her sat Danzo Shimura, Mr. Evil McBadguy himself, with the other members of the Konoha council on either side. They all regarded her with unconcealed distrust. Danzo, especially, seemed to enjoy watching her squirm. Her own knowledge of him aside, he was an intimidating man. Deep crows' feet and frown lines highlighted his cruel sneer, liver spots standing out on his pallid skin like the darkness within trying to break free. The other council members were no better. Old and withered, their faces were probably frozen like that.

Luckily, the Hokage was also there, holding her hand with a gentle smile. Now that she really looked at him, his resemblance to her grandfather wasn't actually that strong. It was the shape of his jaw, the way his brows moved as he spoke, the one crooked tooth that peaked out from his smile; a bunch of little things all working together to swathe this Asian man in a fog of familiarity which tugged unkindly at Hanako's heart.

Faced with this, and thoroughly unwilling to cry again, she decided to focus on his hands. Her grandfather was a soft, even tempered man whose green eyes always sparkled with quiet mischief. His fingers were long and slender, often dry and littered with ink stains. The Hokage's hands were wide and rough with callouses born of a life as a ninja. Their warmth calmed Hanako's nerves, but she still avoided looking at Danzo too long.

"So," the mastermind of the Uchiha Massacre began, tilting his head up and looking down his nose at her. "Your name is Hanako, is that right?"

She nodded. "Yes, sir."

"No family name?" The old woman shook her head. "Most children your age know that, at least."

Tch. "No one ever said it," Hanako replied quietly, not for the first time thanking whichever power had seen fit to seal her memories. "We were all on a first name basis."

"And, who is 'we'?" Danzo lingered on the word, stretching it in a way Hanako wished she could unhear.

"My family. It was me, my parents, and my cousins." Damn. She was making an entire backstory, now. Good thing no one could fact check her. Besides, she wasn't lying. Not really. She really had lived with her parents and cousins when she was actually five, before the birth of her siblings. So if there were any lie-detector jutsus running in the background, she would hopefully be ok.

The council all shared a glance laden with meaning she couldn't quite grasp. The old woman spoke again. "Do you know your parents' names?"

Oh no.

"Yes," she began, rummaging her brain for plausible Japanese names. "Eijirou and Ochako." Well, ain't that a crackship?

The old woman nodded and wrote down her response, probably using the wrong kanji. Curse Horikoshi and his silly names.

Could she blame hers on him, too? That would be nice.

"Do you know what your tattoos are for?"

Danzo's question came as no surprise—if anything, she was surprised he hadn't asked it sooner.

"I don't, actually," she didn't have to fake the sad confusion which crossed her face. "When I try, there's nothing there. My mother had them, too, though, so they must be important."

During her sleep over at Kakashi's, Hanako took the time to examine her tattoos more closely. The writing was still beyond her, all squiggles and dots, but the thick, black bands were at least traceable. Starting on the palms of her hands, they wound their way up her arms, around her waist, and all they way to the soles of her feet. She felt kind of like the Avatar, to be honest, and she wasn't mad at that.

Clearly displeased by her answer, Danzo addressed the adults in the room. "How can we allow what is clearly a foreign shinobi into the village when we know neither her clan nor her abilities?"

"She is a child, Danzo," the Hokage sighed.

"A child she may be, but a child she will not remain. What if the village were to enter a conflict with her people? How can we be certain that her loyalties will be with us?"

She hated to admit it, but he made a certain amount of sense. Or, he would have, had she not been a literal child.

The Hokage stroked his beard, clearly choosing his words. He turned to Hanako with an achingly familiar twinkle in his eyes. "Hanako-chan, is there anything else you can tell us about your family? Like their values or how they approach conflict?"

The old woman began protesting that she was too young to answer such questions, but Hanako was already speaking.

"Well," she said slowly, thinking of her real family, a literal world away. "We really value education. My mother always encouraged me to ask questions and to read new books whenever possible. She was really smart," her voice began to break, and she took a moment to calm herself, tightening her grip on the Hokage's hand. "She was really smart. She liked to read history books published in different countries so she could get everyone's perspective."

The Hokage smiled gently. "She sounds like a wonderful woman."

Hanako's chin wobbled, but she managed to croak out a tiny "Thank you" without crying.

Danzo didn't look impressed. "Let us not forget that this 'wonderful woman' met a rather violent end. It would probably be better to assume she was an outlier, rather than hoping the rest of her clan shared her views."

Did he have to make so much sense? He was evil—she knew he was evil—but he was actually making some very valid arguments. She could understand, now, how he earned his place on the council and in the Hokage's good graces. The Hokage was totally down to just let her into the village, but Danzo was basically forcing him to cover his bases in case anyone else questioned him.

Too bad he was evil.

"Well, child," he asked her, tone and expression still cold. "Do you have anything else to say in your defense?"

Not really, but...

"My grandfather," she began, smiling to herself as she called up the memories. "Had something he would always say whenever any of us got into fights. 'Do not kill if you can wound, do not wound if you can subdue, do not subdue if you can pacify, and never raise your hand at all until you have first extended it'."

Her grandfather had loved Wonder Woman. She distinctly remembered crying when she found out he'd left her all his first edition comics. It was one of the joys they'd shared, and a part of her was proud to have brought some Amazonian wisdom to the ninja realm.

She looked up and met Danzo's critical gaze. "I can't speak for the rest of my clan, or to whether I even have one, but I can speak for myself. I don't like violence. The idea of causing the kind of heartbreak my mother's death has given me is one which revolts me. I understand that my missing memories and the seal that has been placed upon them are a serious cause for concern, especially since I am clearly from a shinobi family which you are thus far unable to identify. However, I am afraid I have no choice but to ask for leniency. I am a child with no formal shinobi training or family upon which to rely. Help me, Danzo Shimura-san, you're my only hope."

She bowed low in her seat, training her eyes on her sandals as she waited for an answer. To her surprise, it was the Hokage who spoke next.

"Thank you, Hanako-chan. You may raise your head." He turned to the council members, his expression stern. "I believe we have heard all we need to, yes?"

Danzo heaved a great sigh, his face no longer quite so stiff. "Agreed. Place her where you will."

What?

The Hokage's chuckle was warmly ominous. "Oh, I plan to."

What!?!

Hanako met and held Kakashi's gaze, her own exhausted disbelief looking back at her.

"You cannot be serious," the Anbu said, turning to address the Hokage who sat at his desk with a poorly concealed smug grin on his face.

"Oh, I am," the old man chortled. "In fact, I don't think I have ever been more serious regarding you, Hatake-kun."

Kakashi launched into a tirade, listing all of the reasons he couldn't possibly take on the responsibility of parenthood.

Hanako was still reeling from the announcement that her childhood crush was now supposed to be her dad.

Maybe even...daddy?

She shook her head violently to purge that accursed thought from her head.

"You ok, kiddo?"

She dismissed Kakashi's concern, turning an angry glare on the Hokage. "Is this legal?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," she spat. "Is infringing on the autonomy of private citizens one of the legal rights of the Hokage?"

Both men looked at her with bewilderment for a long, drawn out moment before Kakashi turned back to the Hokage.

"Never mind, I'll take her."

Hanako gaped at him, aghast.

"What?" He ruffled her hair. "You don't want me?"

"But he's forcing me on you," she insisted. "I'm sure you have better things to do than take care of some kid that isn't even yours."

He raised his eyebrow at her. "Oho, you're sure, are you? If you were any other kid, you'd be right. But," he waggled his finger at her. "My kid knows what legal autonomy is. How many other people can say that?"

What?

She opened her mouth to protest, but Kakashi was already filling out the paperwork laid out on the Hokage's desk, humming loudly as he did.

"You're going to regret this," she said blandly, already predicting the worst possible outcomes for their situation.

"Oh, please," her new parent said in a sing song voice. "How bad can this be?"