❦ SESSIONS ❦ WITH ❦ LOVE❦

Chapter 25

|Used against him|

❦❦

I walk down the streets of the town and not even sure what I'm doing. I keep thinking about what Silas did and said to me and I really don't have an explanation for what he did. None of it makes sense and if somewhere were to ask me I would have to say that thee is something wrong about it. I know for a fact that Silas does love me and I love him which means that he could not have done this for the reason that he does not love me. But, why had he thrown me away?

I've been out here for about two hours and that is the very question that has been running through my mind this entire time and I have no idea what is happening or even how to feel about it. The voice in my head has been silent and does not want to talk to me, but I know that she can hear my every thought. I can feel her in my head as well as others, but they don't want to talk for some reason. It makes me feel alone out here as I'm just by myself.

The wind is blowing harshly on me, and I'm shivering as I continue to walk, not even sure where it is that I'm going. All I know is that I'm walking somewhere, and I'm going in this direction which I don't even know what is. My mind can't stop thinking about Silas, and it's like he has taken over my mind which is precisely what I think has happened. Still, there is very little that I can do about it. He owns the house and he threw me out. I don't have anywhere to go. It's clear that my apartment that I live with Adam has been sold and all my things as well.

It was the landlady that told me when I moved in that she would remove any of my stuff and sell it as well as the apartment if I were one hour or more late to pay the rent. I was always on time to pay it, but I don't think that it has been paid so everything that I owned is gone and there is very little I can do about it. Though, this is not all bad. The weather is nice, except for the cold wind, but it's all right out here.

The town is rather beautiful in its own way. As I'm walking there are people that go past me and I feel like they are looking at me everywhere that I go. Their looks are not that comfortable as they stare at me. I have chosen to ignore that as I don't want to talk to anyone or mess around with anyone. I just want to find somewhere to sit down and not get cold, but there is no place like that. That is until I spot a coffee shop nearby.

It's a small one, and it does not appear like there is much happening in there. Perfect. There are only about a handful of costumers in there which is not that bad. I walk towards the coffee shop and as soon as I enter the first thing that I'm my with is warmth. My body is shivering uncontrollably. Making me miss having Silas around to hold me and to have his arms around me. He's always so warm and cuddly and there is just so nice to be around him and have his warm embrace over me.

I sit down in the coffee shop and look around. It's quite modern and cozy in here. I think that I will come here more often. It's a nice place and maybe not to order but to sit here and enjoy the warmth and the feeling that this place gives me. A person comes to my table. A man that works here. "Can I get you anything?" He asks me kindly and with a smile. And the people here are very nice. I shake my head. "No, thank you" I answer. I don't have any money on me right now, so I would not even be able to order anything.

"Do you want a menu to decide, we have great offers and the specials are highly recommend?" He asks me but I shake my head again. "No, thank you. I don't want anything" I say, not knowing what else to say. I notice that his look turns into a weird one. "If you are not here to order then I will ask you kindly to leave" He speaks. Well, that is kind of rude. I take back what I said about the workers being nice here, because they are not.

"I'm just here to get out of the cold, I will leave shortly" I tell him as I try to act kindly but on the inside I really want to watch him bleed out as he begs me to spare him, and then I will kill him right where he lies. It's such a lovely thought. Without Silas there is no telling what I might do and now there is no one to stop me, then again who would ever stop an artist that is only creating art? "We have a policy here that those who are seated and staying here will have to order" He speaks to me.

I'm getting a bit angry at him and I glare at him. "I will leave soon, I've just been out there for so long and I don't have any money" I say to him, really wanting to end his life right about now and be done with it. This time he's even angrier at me. "Listen, we're not some charity place here. Either you order something or get out" He speaks, this time much anger than he was before. I stand up and glare at him, wanting nothing more than to rip his heart out right here.

"I don't want to get out into the cold. The sun is going down, and I'm going to be freezing" I tell him but as he was about to say something, possibly in anger a woman comes up to him. "Babe, allow the girl to sit here for as long as she wants" She says to him, and then she gives me a smile. She's at least nice. "But-" He says, but she shushes him. "That's the other psycho" She whispers to him, but I heard her say it. I take back that she's nice.

She's not nice. I glare at her as well, but then I do notice that the two of them are looking at me in fear. I truly wish I had my gun right about now, or better yet Silas' gun since I kind of just steal it from him. It's not like he's going to need so many anyway, so it works out perfectly for me. "All right. You can stay here. Can we get you anything? On the house of course, something to warm you up?" He asks me with a fake smile on his face and I do notice that he has taken a step back.

If there is one thing that I hate more than anything in the world than people who kill unicorns it are those who stab you in the back when you least expect it. I sit down and look at the menu for a minute. "Can I have a hot chocolate? I like that" I ask him, and he nods his head and the two of them leave. I try to hide the fact that I really want to end his life and her life right now. I want them dead on the ground and by my hand. It's much better when they die, and they deserve to.

No one calls me something mean. I've dealt with mean girls before, and I can do it again. After all no one ever found their bodies. I remember so perfectly that when I was little I drowned some girl that was mean to me. I can't believe that I had forgotten about it. I don't remember much but when I think about it, I remember that I love that feeling. She upset the unicorns and the rainbows, and she needed to pay with her life.

"Here you go. And if you need anything else, then just call for someone" He tells me. I don't thank him as he sets down the mug with hot chocolate and whipped cream with chocolate flakes in them. He leaves, and I stay there and look at the whipped cream. I wonder if Silas and I would be sharing a mug of hot chocolate together if we were still together. Are we still together? I don't think so. Since he did throw me away, and he said that he did not want me there. I think it means that he does not want us to be together.

I hate my life when he's not there, it's just far too empty, and I have no idea what to do now or where to go or anything. I feel like I need him more than I could ever know and without him around and with me, I'm nothing. I slowly drink it but the anger inside me is only getting worse and worse as I feel that I'm slowly losing control over myself. I just want to punish someone for what he did, I want him to feel the same pain that I felt.

I feel lost and alone, and I want him to suffer the same. He did this to me, and he will suffer the consequences. Yes, it will be glorious when he suffers, and I will be the very one that made him feel that way and made him feel that agony which he did to me. My heart may love him more than I have ever loved anyone else in my life, but that does not mean that I will not hurt him when he has hurt me and made me feel horrible. He's going to know what that feels like.

And when I've finished with him, he will know that he hurt me, and he deserves all that is coming from him. I look around the coffee shop to see that there are so many people, if not all looking at me. I glare at them. Why did I not take a gun with me? Or at least a knife where I could have threatened them. Have they never been taught that staring at someone is rather rude, especially when it is me who they are staring at? Standing up I finish the hot chocolate and then leave the shop.

I will come back here, and then I will shoot all of them for looking at me like that and for saying those things. The people in there are nothing but fake people that will stab you in the back when you least expect it. Kind of like Silas but unlike them Silas will suffer much more than that for what he has done to me. Now all my goals are on him to make him suffer and there is nothing and no one that is going to be able to prevent me from doing anything or else they will lose their lives.

I start to head for the house once again, ignoring the bitter cold that is outside as I walk there. There is only one thing that I have to do there. Perhaps two if we count getting my things and a car and a gun. But, that is different. Those things will happen after I've shot Silas and punished him. He will understand this pain that is so heavy on my heart. I can barely even breathe from the pain. That is how much it hurts and how much he has hurt my heart and soul.

It does not matter if my body is shaking violently from the cold that is traveling inside my body and all over the place. It truly does feel like I'm going to drop dead at any second now because of the cold. Though it is my stubborn self that is not going to stop until I've at least punished him enough, and then I can fall to the cold. As I draw near the house my anger only grows as I have this nagging feeling inside to punch him and shoot him where it will hurt the most.

Though I do not want to ruin his beautiful face since I do like that. The handsome man that is named Silas should keep his looks because I love looking at him. It calms me down. I just hope that I will not have calmed down when I find him and when I do he will know what he did wrong. Other women send their spouse to the cough and I, well, I'm not like them and I shoot instead of sending them to the cough. Besides a couch can be a comfortable place to sleep anyway, so it is not even a punishment.

And, I also think that it is a punishment for both of them because neither one of them will be able to sleep with their hands around one another which is the whole point of sleeping beside each other and feel the love between the two. It's just stupid to me that someone has to be sent to the couch to be punished when in reality both of them suffer. That's not really fun, is it? Because the other one has to suffer much more than the other one and that is not even fair to them.

I stand in front o the house, and I'm ready to do this. But, as I am about to open the door, I get another idea. What if I surprise him? He will not be expecting me to do that, least of here to shoot him where it will hurt, and I can promise myself that he will be screaming in pain and feel the pain run through his body. I start to smirk to myself as my plan is all ready. I walk down the steps and away from the front door and to the side of the house.

It has not been long since Silas showed me a secret passageway that leads from his office outside and can be used as well both ways but it is so well hidden that no one would ever find it. Unless they are me who know where it is as Silas had showed it to me one day. He wanted me to know of all the ways that I can escape if it came down to the need to escape. Though, now it is being sued to hurt him. I suppose he failed to take notice of that possible idea. I walk over there until I find the right spot and push a hidden button which releases a door which I walk through and down a couple of steps.