I began graduate studies at the University of South Carolina in September of 1993 as a part-time student for the first year. This was prior to Lynn and I getting engaged and then moving in with each other.

With my past experience mainly as a volunteer working with the social work team at a psychiatric hospital in Georgia, I was able to get letters of recommendation that were necessary to get into graduate school.

As I think of this, I worry about how I am portraying Lynn. She wasn't a housewife, homemaker, or anything like that. I didn't come home and say "honey, I worked all day can you cook me dinner?" She wasn't living through me and my successes.

As I mentioned previously, she had to keep her income below a certain level to qualify for health insurance to maintain her health and stay alive. That meant limiting her work hours. She did some office-type work and used her proofreading skills. Of course, she had her pottery as well.

She wasn't sitting at home watching TV while I worked, went to school, and did my internships.

Anyway, after gaining admission to the school in the fall of 1993, I found out that there were a few classes I could take part-time through distance learning. Instead of traveling over three hours to Columbia, South Carolina, I only had to travel to the campus in Conway, South Carolina which was about an hour and a half away.

This allowed me to continue to get experience working directly with people in the human services field.

Going part-time wasn't a "real" college experience. I sat in a room by myself in the evenings. Sure, we could pick up a phone and interact a bit, but it was nowhere near as rewarding as full-time studies with other students in the same room.

I began full-time graduate studies in the fall semester of 1994.

This was still, obviously, at the University of South Carolina but now I was going to Columbia, South Carolina. This was a three-hour drive from Wilmington, North Carolina. I would drive down on Wednesday and stay in one of the dorm rooms. I would then check out the next day and go to class on Thursday.

Three back-to-back classes, that were just under three hours long. Hardly a break between classes.

On Monday and Tuesday, I had my internship. An internship isn't paid work. So, I had to borrow money to cover living expenses, books, travel, and other expenses.

The Stafford Loans are designed to cover a scenario just like this. During the summer between what would be the first year of my studies and the second, I was able to pick up extra hours working as a paraprofessional.

Anyway, this was like night and day from my earlier days in college when I had been so shy and quiet. I suppose I was anxious to share my thoughts, speak in class, participate, ask questions and learn as much as possible. That is what I was doing.

I was psyched. This was happening for real! My dreams, my goals, were coming true.

During the first year, you study both macro and micro-level social work practices. Some colleges call these direct and indirect services.

Macro-level social work addresses issues that can be looked at from the level of a community, an organization, an agency, or government. So, we learned about the history of social welfare in the United States. Of key importance among the programs that stand out or the periods in history are the FDR years and the "New Deal."

In terms of macro-level work, we were expected to do a "needs assessment" for a community where you are living. Through my work, I had identified a low-income community that was partially in the historic district of Wilmington not far from the Cape Fear River. I had also been going to a gym in that area. It was a boxing gym, but I wasn't a boxer. I just went to work out. It wasn't far from one of my internship placements.

That area contained a great deal of public housing which is by definition set aside for the poorest individuals and families. Demographically, it was also predominately populated by African Americans.

While this was macro-level social work, I did get a chance to develop relationships with "community leaders" and similar folks who knew the area and could share information with me.

With this information, we were tasked with writing a paper that describes the area and the needs that exist in the community. We were also encouraged to present photographs that illustrate important aspects of the community and their needs.

During the second year, we focus on our choice of either micro-level or macro-level social work. Micro-level social work is about providing direct services to individuals, couples, families, and groups.

I remember the theories that guided micro-level (direct) social work practice more than those ideas or principles that define macro-level social work because my specialization was in direct (micro-level) social work. This is what therapists/psychotherapists may do. We provide direct services (treatment/therapy) to individuals, couples, families, and groups.

There is a range of different pioneers, psychologists, and psychiatrists that have provided the therapies, theories, and techniques that professionals use. I will describe this later in the book.

First Year Internships

Finally, in considering this first year, I want to talk about my internships.

During the first year, we are expected to work in a setting that is distinct from the setting where we would like to work during our second and final year internships. The second-year internship is intended to be a reflection of the setting where we would like to work primarily in our careers upon graduation.

For me, as indicated previously, I intended to work at The Oaks with Chris Hauge, DSW (my mentor). This kind of psychiatric setting has been the kind of setting where things have been the most rewarding and interesting to me.

During the first semester of my first-year internship, I worked on the children's unit at the mental health center for New Hanover County in Wilmington.

Things didn't go as well as I would have liked. It was discouraging. This was the first time when I felt like I didn't have the necessary direction and guidance to be successful. I didn't want to be in a setting where I was uncertain about what to do and feeling lost.

I was a bit hard on myself and expected that I should have figured out what to do. Often, work with children will involve "play therapy" which is harder than it seems. I had no training yet in working with children and I wasn't getting guidance from my supervisor or others.

I was torn between unreasonable expectations and doubts that I couldn't just figure things out. I didn't think they wanted me to come in and just "play" with kids. I suppose it took me some time to get comfortable with the realization that this wasn't a good match for me. If this wasn't a job or an internship, it would be great spending time with kids.

You might recall that I had been like a big brother to a girl who was the child of a couple that was friends with my parents. That was so much fun, with laughter, and just hanging out with her. I was the same way with my relatives who had younger children when I was growing up. Often, I was the one who entertained the kids while the grownups socialized.

Doing an internship working with children felt so different to me than spending time with children outside a treatment setting. So far.

During the second semester, I was placed at the same organization but in two different departments. In the mornings and early afternoons, I worked at a day treatment program for individuals with chronic and persistent mental illnesses. In the afternoon, I worked with the homeless program that was staffed by the mental health center.

Some of the time I was able to participate and get to know those who came to the day shelter for the homeless. It was interesting because there were classes that covered mental health issues and the format was something like a support group/therapy group.

I remember seeing in the morning at the day program for individuals with chronic and persistent mental illnesses, some of the same folks that were residents at Sherwood Village where I worked on the weekends.

Anyway, that need to prove myself didn't go over so well in one instance. I somehow spoke out of turn and corrected someone accidentally about something from the DSM – the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. I was trying to demonstrate my knowledge, but I was not in a classroom setting. So, my supervisor corrected me after that.

It was disturbing to me that I was having some troubles during the internship placements that I had. Only occasionally did I feel like I was doing something useful and important. I guess I also still had things to learn in terms of social skills.

Mainly, I felt discouraged. I had switched out of the children's unit/department and was given two placements with two other departments. The reason for me to be placed in two departments was to allow me to get the hours required. I don't remember all the little criticisms my supervisor had done to correct me, but it made me feel discouraged and sad. I had so wanted everything to go right.

My supervisor during that second semester once asked me if I was really had the potential to work in social work. That was the first and only time I have heard that in my career/life. If a job didn't go well in the future, it was not for reasons related to my skills as a social worker.

The afternoon placement went okay in terms of my interactions with the staff and my responsibilities. It just seemed that I wasn't needed as much as I wanted to be needed. There seemed to be limited opportunities for me to do things.

I did develop a "street sheet" that would be useful for the homeless in Wilmington. I used our computer at home and the bus maps. Various resources were marked on the map on one side and on the other side there were descriptions of the various resources and services.

An Unrecognized Foreshadowing...

Anyway, during this first year, and similarly during the second year, as you can see, I had a very busy schedule.

Monday and Tuesday I did my internship, then I slept late on Wednesday and drove down to Columbia South Carolina, stayed overnight in the dorms, and went to class on Thursday. Then on Friday evening through Sunday evening, I worked at Sherwood Village.

On top of that, I had papers and homework, of course. I was extremely motivated to prove myself. Part of me was trying to prove my competency to myself. Self-doubt is very troublesome.

Despite some challenges and doubts, this was a very rewarding experience and overall, I loved where I was in my journey. I especially loved what I was learning in my classes and I loved the work that I did at Sherwood Village.

That job didn't require my attention during the entire 48-hour shirt. So, I was able to bring my books from classes with me and read. Sundays were especially slow days so I could catch up on my reading.