My eyes fluttered open to the bright glittering lights of the morning sun flickering through the gaps in the lacy drapes. I stared up straight at the white ceiling above recalling every instance of the past night.

It had been frighteningly scary. I hadn't realised just how much I feared dying again. But last night had been a revelation in that regard. My stomach was still tensed from the intensity of that fear. I glanced to the spot where Lucian had laid beside me and was not surprised to find that it was vacant. I was unerringly canny in sensing his presence. It was strange how I could actually feel him to that level. But I hadn't felt him this rising. The room felt strangely void of his presence.

I got out of the bed and made for the shower. But I needed a cleansing that went to a whole other level. So I detoured instead and made for the closet space. Ignoring my own clothing that still lay unpacked in their bags, I dug around for Lucian's over large track pants and a matching top. Diving into the loosely fitted outfit, I made my way downstairs and was out the front door a minute later.

I took off at a jog. Something I rarely did and so was unfit to do. But the burn in my lungs, the sides of my waist and the calf of my leg was just what I needed to feel appreciative of being alive and ready to face the day ahead.

It was on my way back that thoughts of infant Ian roused up a frenzy to get to the house soonest. I had forgotten all about him. I had actually forgotten his very existence. In the wake of my near death experience last night that was all that had been on my mind. It would afterall had been my third death. But even so I should never have forgotten Ian's existence because of it. I hadn't forgotten anyone elses.

But I had literally blanked out when it came to Ian.

Legs pumping hard as I broke out into an outright run. I ignored the flare of pain that swept through my limbs. I had suffered through worse. More times than I cared to remember.

It was with that same running steps that I breached the path between the pavement to the door. Slamming my way in past the first barrier of the front door, I took the steps to Lucian's room where baby Ian's crib lay. A blatantly large crib that should have been all but unavoidable and yet I had done just that. I had walked about the room with total disregard to the crib that sat like silent elephant in the room. Only it was not metaphorical but a very real presence. One I had ignored at avery subconscious level.

I pushed open the door and made for the crib. Peering inside I found it empty.

A fear of another kind sprang through me. Had Lucian up and left with Ian sometime at dawn? Where was Brian? Or even Nicky?

I spun back around and this time made my way at a more sedate pace searchingly through out the house. It was the sounds of Brian's voice that drew me out back.