I feel numb!

My mind is empty, my heart is concave, my body is ravished and my will to survive is dwindling.

It's 4:20 am and he had me locked in his embrace spooning me to fit His demand. too tired that he began to lightly snore to which I would have loved to if I like him but he's a good-looking man with a toned lean body, sharp jawline, very nice cheekbone, sharp nose, and diabolical brown with a starburst-eyed psycho.

He will be named, 'the brown-eyed dragon. And he doesn't look a day over 30.

I am upset at my body for being generous to adjust to his sadistic need and I can't even look up at his face to fight him off.

After he wrecked my poor ass he wasn't even satisfied he had to make him do a blow job. Threatened me with a knife in my neck if I bite him off which I consider doing.

I don't have any experience with blow jobs and that makes him even more ecstatic.

He made me wrap my lips to his thick shaft and I almost gagged but his sharp eyes saw me and pushed the knife to my skin.

I feel the prick easily.

"Suck or I will slice you!" He demanded."Don't you dare gag! You will swallow everything I have to offer". Seriously he amplified and I know I am crying fat tears.

He's telling me like it's a gift and I'm supposed to be happy about it.

I opened my lips and tasted his salted precum and it tastes particular.

He told me what I need to achieve.

Taking it first slowly, bobbing my head, and stick out my tongue and I feel his penile bead being caught up in my mouth as I hollow it. He started moaning and grinding while rasping. He has thrown the knife and steadily guides my head to take all his cock. He instructed me to press my tongue on his hard erection and then rub it on the underside and I feel him shivering in delight.

He then began to gather my hair as he wants me to deep throat him and I want to bite him off I feel I can't breathe any second but he keeps thrusting in and out and that was the only way I can get air.

He roughly yanks my hair.his body is getting tensed and I bob my head and suck him like a vacuum cleaner would, soon my mouth is full of his salty awful cum. I wished to vomit it at him but he glared evilly at me and commanded me to swallow it. I did so and swallowed along with my dignity and pride. I sagged to the side of the bed while taking as many breaths of air as I can.

I never felt so embarrassed of myself as I can taste him in me.

I wanted this to end and I wanted to die.

Now I fully understand what it's like to be in this situation and no amount of encouragement can help me.

I just want to evaporate in the air and leave this world.

Out of a sudden, he carried me like a bride to the shower room and I tremble thinking of what he will do next.

His snake eyes gaze at me softly and coo at me and I saw them so what confusion.

"let's clean you up, darling". I didn't know he is capable to care for me which makes me anxious because he might turn horrible in a second.

True to his words, we just showered together, and he leaned me up while keep talking that I use cheap hygiene products.

He dares to insult the things I like and it made me want to smack him but I know better than to challenge him. I am like a sheep that follows his guidance.

Afterward, he dried me first then himself, he leads me to the bed for us to sleep, and here I am thinking how my life ended this way while he is sound asleep so easy.

I don't know how to console myself but I need to collect my thoughts:

First, only my thoughts can create feelings.

Wow. That's great to taunt me.

Second, my unhelpful thoughts should be replaced by helpful ones.

How do I possibly do that?

Third, I have to take notes of which behaviors make me feel better or worse.

Everything makes me worse than better.

Fourth, Focus. Damn its focuses on the task or the environment.

I mentally slap myself. Of course, in cases like this, I need to focus on how I can get out of this.

Fifth, avoiding reality will make matters worse.

At that, my eyes shed tears. No matter what I do I can't get rid of the awful things he did to me but as they said, they can have the body but not my heart but I'm sure to do my mind is not in a good health.

Sixth, I need to act the way I want regardless of what I feel.

Yes, yes! I need to find a way. This is my house. I have a gun loaded somewhere for scenarios unprecedented as such. I just need to remember where I put that. Where did I put that thing?

I went from being pessimistic to optimistic in just a second and hope bubbled in me.

Seventh, let go of expectations.

Well, that sucks!

That was an unpleasant cognitive-behavioral therapy but I can't let go of this hope in me.

If he's heavily asleep I can peel myself off and find that gun since I can't find where did he hide the knife he had and the rope he tied me with. I'm sure it's somewhere near him but I don't want to risk searching when he is nearby.

Navigating in my mind the location then like a bulb lit for the first time and like lighting hitting the tree I know where it is.

I turn myself towards him and he moves his position lying flat o his stomach.

Good. This is good. unbelievably good.

I can't believe he is so confident not to tie me again.

I poke his shoulder three times just to be sure and stood up to get my robe nearby.

I silently walked away going the steps as a ninja would then when I safety came down I hurriedly opened the 2nd kitchen drawer

I made no cracking sound to open it while my heart is thundering and looking sideways for his presence.

And like a chocolate bar having been deprived for long I took the gun out with a single thought of blowing the fuck out of his brains.

For the first time in my Life

I Am pretty

I