I didn't bother making my way to my bedroom the second I got home. I waved a quick hi to my parents and dropped my bag outside my bedroom door before making my way over to hers.

This has been racking my brain all day. I could barely focus at work because I was thinking about her. I rarely saw her as it was. Plus there was Kevin who kept asking me if I finally talked her. I found it sweet that he cared but I really didn't want him to ask again. I knew that if he was in my shoes he would've given Raina one day of space before barging into her room and asking how she got herself into this mess. Because he would want to solve the problem as soon as possible.

But me? I gave Raina space because I figured she wouldn't ever want to talk to me about it- about anything. The last time Raina and I actually talked and had a civil conversation where we told each other what was happening in our lives was when I was about 15 and she was 13. Then she got distant, way more distant than I ever thought she would and we would rarely speak.

At least that's how I thought of it. It was like one day wee were speaking and then the next we rarely did.

Now I figured we should. She should at least have someone to talk to. Even if it was me. I paused behind the door, my hand lingering on the door handle. I took my hand off and rapidly knocked on it three times. There wasn't a sound behind the door.

I tried again and waited patiently. Still no sound.

The third time I tried, the door flung open.

Raina looked at me in shock before her expression morphed into a glare. She tired to push the door back but i stuck my foot out before it could close. Her fiery eyes flickered at me and it looked like that scowl on her face was permanent. "What do you want?"

I pushed the door open, walking into her room and looking around. Her posters of her favorite bands were gone, the curtain in front of the huge window with the great view of the town was pushed to the side and swaying as she had been staring out there for a while. The stuffed animals she used to have on her bed were gone too. I could've sworn the last time I was in here which wasn't even that long ago there were about two now none occupied the space on her bed.

I took a seat on her bed, waiting for her to close the door. She didn't. Instead she continued to glare at me. I sighed. "Raina-"

"Get out of my room, Sandra." She muttered.

"Raina."

"Get out of my room." She repeated, her voice raised a little louder.

"No."

She must've realized I wasn't going to budge because she closed her eyes and in a calm voice asked, "San, what do you want?"

"I want to talk to you," I paused, gesturing to the door. "With the door closed so they can't really hear us if you prefer." The they i referred too as our parents who I am sure would be wondering what we would be doing in the other's room.

She closed the door and that's when I noticed she was wearing her glasses. Her wavy hair was tied up in a ponytail and she wore boys shorts, all settled as if she were about to go to bed. At 8 PM. Wow.

She walked over to me slowly, crossing her arms, her usual defensive expression fading away slowly. "Okay."

Great, now I didn't know exactly how to start this off. Fuck.

"Um," My eyes flickered around the room. "Why'd you take off your posters?"

Raina looked as if she didn't want to answer me for a second then she blurted out, "They looked childish."

"Childish?"

"Yeah." She muttered, climbing onto her bed and leaning against the headboard, watching me with wary eyes.

I faced her, crossing my legs as I kept looking around, trying to notice what I haven't been paying attention to lately. There's a jewelry on her dresser that I remember she used to wear when she was younger. Our grandmother gave each of us a set before she died. "I'm surprised you still have that."

Raina looked over at the the items. "Why?"

"You never really cared much for the other half of our heritage as we grew up."

She scoffed. "It's kind of hard to forget your half south Asian when you look more like it."

"You always did look more like mom." I admitted. Raina's complexion was darker than my own due to our mom's side and a part of me always resented it in comparison to my paler skin tone.

"And you always did look more like dad," A smile came to Raina's face but she was quick to fight it off. "Now, why are you here? I'm pretty sure it's not to talk about that."

"I just wanna know what's going on with you."

"Nothing," She muttered, her defenses going back up again. "I'm fine."

"No you aren't. The Raina I know wouldn't take down all her posters, throw away her teddy bears, do drugs-"

Raina's sarcastic laugh cut me off. "You don't even know who I am. So you can't say shit."

I sat there stunned. She was right. I didn't know who she really was anymore. That left me upset. She was my sister. How is it that we lived under the same roof but at the end of the day, we didn't really know much about each other.

"You're right." I said quietly and she stared back at me in shock this time. "I'm sorry."

There was a moment of silence between us. "Sorry for what?"

"For not getting to know you better. I feel like this is my fault."

Raina looked down at her comforter before sighing. "In a way kind of but not really."

There was more she wasn't telling me. "What?"

"I wasn't doing any of the drugs," Raina avoided my eyes as she spoke. "Now. I mean that I don't do them now but..." She trailed off.

"But what?"

"Last year, when I started at school it was hard. I didn't know what I was doing and I was pressuring myself into studying a lot to get good grades. But not just good grades, top grades, the highest marks."

"You did." I remember Raina even walking home with her report card in her hand, a huge grin on her face.

"I was on something some of the time. To help me study. To help me focus."

I stared at her for a second longer. "You were on speed?"

"During exam weeks that's all." She tried to back up and I sat there in shock. Surely our parents knew this but-what the hell?

"I-Why? Why would you do that to yourself?"

She stood up, her eyes frantic. "I was under a lot of pressure."

"What pressure?"

"You!"

"What did I do?"

"You're so-You're so perfect. Mom thinks you're perfect. Dad thinks your perfect. Especially when you were in the tenth grade. You had everything. You had the highest marks, good friends, a boyfriend, you went out so many times I just-"

"You thought I forgot about you? My own sister?"

"That's what it felt like at the time. Like you didn't have time for me anymore. And the second I entered high school I would always get compared to you. 'Oh, Sandra did hers like that but you can do it like this if you want I guess' or 'Oh Sandra's your sister wow'. Even mom and dad, they just put unexpected expectations on me like I wasn't supposed to be myself like I was supposed to be you."

"I don't want you to be me. I want you to be you, Raina. I'm sorry you felt like that. I'm sorry I pulled myself away from you but I honestly did not know I was doing that or that I was the case of all that."

Raina took a deep breath, tears pooling in the corner of her eyes. She quickly wiped them away, sitting back down against the head board. I moved closer to her until I sat in front of her legs. I took her hands in mine, "What happened after?"

"Um, I didn't care anymore. About the grades. I didn't want to put myself through that unhealthy stress. And the person selling me all the stuff eventually got me into the stuff, not using it but distributing it."

"What person?" My mind flashed to the guy that was here the night Kevin came over. "Was it that Richard kid?"

Raina silence gave me the answer I needed. "Do mom and dad know?"

She nodded. "They're dealing with him through his parents or something. I don't know. I stopped talking to Richard about a month ago and the stuff you found was old things I honest forgot I had."

"You never-used any of that before, have you?"

Raina shook her head. "I've seen people on some of this. I don't want to."

"Okay." I moved over to sit next to her and for the first time since she was probably ten, Raina leaned her head on my shoulder.

"S?"

"Yeah?"

"I hate this," She said quietly. "They're never going to trust me again are they?"

"Yes they will," I assured her. "They love you, they'll trust you again but show them that you'll give them reasons to trust you again. I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm sorry mom and dad put pressure on you. I'm sorry people compare us all the time and that it led you to resort to a drastic action that could've harmed you. I'm sorry I kind of let you go."

"I don't think you meant it."

"But I should've tried harder."

"Maybe but," She glanced up at me, a small smile on her face and that's when I saw the girl who's been my sister for 15 years. "You're here now." That made me smile until she said, "At least until you go off to University."

I grabbed a pillow and groaned into it. "Don't remind me."

Raina raised her legs up so her knees were against her chest. "Senior problems."

"You in two years problems." I told her, tapping my finger against my leg. "What would you do if you got a 51 on a test-"

"You got a 51? You? Are you serious? When?"

"The same day your situation happened." I mumbled.

"Just ask for extra assignments. You're Sandra. You'll be okay."

"And you're Raina," My eyes flickered around her room once more. "Tell me that you're going to put your room back to how it was."

Raina looked around. "I don't think I will. It was a little too babish for me."

I pretended to throw up. "You're really growing up huh? Yikes," She made a face at my words and I grinned. "Try to make the next months and two years of high school better for yourself. Be your own person not what mom, dad, me or anyone wants you to be. And, uh, you'll make mistakes. A lot more than just this one but you'll be okay."

"Turning out okay seems like a family thing." She said just when my phone made a sound in my pocket. I took my phone out to see a text.

💕

Raina's jaw dropped a little. "Wait, so you and Kevin are an actual thing now?"

"Not exactly." I mumbled, texting him back quickly before sliding my phone back in my pocket to listen to my sister.

Raina's eyes lit up, her jaw dropped. "You like him?"

If I got a fresh start with my sister just like that I was going to take advantage of it for both of our benefits because I did miss her. I did miss how we used to be. "Maybe." And that night we laid on her bed talking till endless hours and I was glad. I was glad that I was starting to get my sister back.