I'm the girl who is always on time.

I'm the girl who doesn't go out on weeknights.

I'm the girl who files her books according to the Dewey decimal system.

I'm the girl who never bunked a day of school in her life.

I'm the girl who takes her rented movies back on time. Sometimes even early.

I'm the girl with a plan.

I'm the girl with a routine.

I'm the girl with the well-ordered, well-arranged, well-organised, well-placed, well-structured, well-controlled, well-everything'd life.

So...

So...

So...

... What the hell was I doing on a boat with Damien, speeding across the waters to some island, somewhere, out there, on the way to some strange, wild, mysterious party where, for all I knew, the requirement would be total nudity, fire dancing, fire breathing, drinking alcohol with worms in, belly dancing with snakes, orgies, swinging with your partner, swinging from the trees, drinking blood, and human sacrifice -- okay, so maybe that last part was extreme, but then again, I've seen stranger things on the Reality Channel.

I was hit in the face with a spray of water that jerked me back to reality. It really was beautiful here; the waters were a deep greeny-blue and dissolved into an incandescent light blue the closer they got to land. Small islands rose straight up out of the water; most of them simply looked like enormous rocks. Some were covered in tropical plants, while others had sheer white cliff faces that plummeted metres, and metres down into the swirling waters below. Although spectacular, the islands looked completely uninhabitable; there was no way you would be able to access them with those high slopes and sheer cliffs.

The boat sped through the water, sending a soft warm spray into my face. Two enormous pillar-like rocks came into view; they rose straight up into the air and were only a few metres apart, creating a thin passage between them. We entered the passageway, and it was long, so long in fact that at one point I wondered if it would ever end. It was also extremely narrow and if I stuck my hand outside the boat, I could touch the cliff face.

We finally popped out the other end and entered a huge crystal lake enclosed by a large island that wrapped around it completely. Huge white beaches ran the entire length of the shoreline and from them, imposing rocky faces rose vertically. The boat stopped at one of the beaches and Damien and I climbed out. The driver immediately turned around and disappeared back into the tunnel.

"Beautiful," Damien said, looking around.

"Where's the party?"

"Aaaahh, patience, it's only 12pm. It starts at 7pm, and I am sure it's going to be quite an adventure getting there."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, that's part of the fun, they always choose a really remote location that's hard to access, keeps the rabble away."

I looked around nervously, the only way from here was up. And that didn't thrill me at all.

"Do you think we'll be going up... there?" I looked up and pointed nervously.

"Well, there's nowhere else to go, is there?" He was so nonchalant about it despite the fact that climbing one of those things would be madness and potentially detrimental to your health, i.e. you might fall and die.

I think he could see the terror painted across my face.

"Why, does it worry you?"

"Um... I'm kind of scared of heights."

"Ag, don't worry," I suddenly felt an arm around my shoulder, "I'll be there. It'll be fine."

And for some reason, I believed him, one hundred percent. I had no reason not to. He'd proved to me more than once that he could, and more than that, that he wanted to take care of me; like last night, although at the time I didn't admit it, watching him stand up to that drunk pervert was one of the sexiest things I'd ever seen, and it felt really good to have someone fight for me.

"But," Damien said, putting his backpack down on the warm sand, "I'm not going anywhere until I've had a swim." And with that, he started peeling off his clothes. First the shirt and then the pants. Although this was the second time in 24-hours that I'd seen him half naked, it still had the power to illicit the same silly, dizzy schoolgirl response from me. I tried not to stare, but there was no way one could ever become immune to the effects of a shirtless Damien, no way you could ever grow used to, or blasé about seeing Damien like this. Immediate blush.

He was wearing only his boxer shorts now and confidently strode into the water. I involuntarily bit my lip and was glad he hadn't seen it -- I must have looked pervy as hell. As soon as the water reached Damien's thighs, he dived in. I watched him disappear and found myself waiting breathlessly for him to pop back out of the water. He finally emerged, his back was to me, and for the first time I noticed, well it was impossible not to notice, a huge tattoo on his back. It completely covered the top half of his back and both shoulder blades. It was so complex and intricate, containing lines that curved, intersected and wove their way around and through each other, coming together to form an abstract pattern, it's hard to describe, but put it this way, his naked back was now officially my favourite part of his body. He turned to me and I quickly wiped the stupid look off my face.

"Well... aren't you coming in?"

"I'm not wearing a costume."

"So change into one."

I looked around; there were no obvious trees or rocks to change behind, only wide open beach.

"There's nowhere to change." I shouted back at him.

"Change there, I won't look."

"NO! Are you crazy, I'm not just going to change on the beach! What if someone sees me? What if another boat comes?"

"I'll keep an eye out, besides, we'll hear the boat long before we see it."

"I don't know..."

"Lilly, you're missing out big time, trust me. And we've probably got a long hot walk ahead of us, so... come on," He paused for a moment and looked at me very seriously, "I'm not going to look... You have my word."

I looked around once more, I couldn't see anyone, and Damien had his back to me. But there was also another problem; I only had a bikini, not a full costume, and call me silly, but I didn't want to be that exposed in front of him. So I decided to put a T-shirt over it, which turned out to be a very good idea because the bikini I'd bought was tiny. Now that I thought about it, I remembered someone warning me about these sizing issues. Thai woman are so petite that medium to them is like extra-small to us, (they really know how to make you feel like an ogre here) and my boobs were not helping matters. I'd always had rather large ones and had hated them growing up. I got the usual flak, boys teased me and pulled my bra strap and tried to see me changing, but the idea of a reduction operation frightened me, so I'd learnt to live with them. But I usually wore things that hid them, not drew attention to them, and this bikini top was doing the exact opposite. The cups were probably two sizes too small, so I looked a bit like Pamela Anderson, not when she was on Baywatch, I was way less covered than that.

But he was right, the water was amazing, and once it had reached waist-height, I told him to turn around.

"Interesting choice of swim wear. Why are you wearing a shirt?"

"Just... you know..."

"Scared that if I saw you in a bikini I wouldn't be able to resist?" His tone was joking, but it sent these kind of electrical impulses rushing through me, especially in light of that kiss.

"Don't look so worried, I'm not a Neanderthal who is going to club you over the head and drag you into a cave and have my way with you."

I wanted to scream "Stop talking like that!" because right now the thoughts that were running through my mind were bad... very bad. And being clubbed over the head was starting to feel like a very attractive option.

"I know how to behave around ladies, I've been told I'm quite a gentleman actually."

I smiled, "I know. You're actually very well mannered, your mother must have raised you well."

"Nah, the expensive boys boarding school did that!"

We smiled at each other for a moment. "You have to see the reef down here, the fish are amazing. Come." Damien disappeared and I followed him. The water below was crystal clear. The sand was snow-white and powdery. One big rock poked out of the sand and was covered in multi-coloured coral and hundreds of beautifully patterned fish fed on it. I wanted to have a closer look and then...

I was blinded.

T-shirts should come with warnings that say, "If you swim underwater with this, it will billow and puff and cover your face". I resurfaced to peel the wet sticking fabric off my face with Damien close behind me. The T-shirt was clinging uncomfortably, and I was forced to tug and pull it back into position.

Damien looked at me curiously. "You know, you really can take it off. I'm not one of these guys who gawks and whistles and shit like that."

"It's not that... its' more..."

"Aaaahh," he said in a kind of teasing, knowing voice, "Girls, you're all the same. No matter how beautiful you are, you always find some flaw. That's because you read Cosmo too much."

"Yup, blame it on Cosmo!"

He smiled at me, "Your choice, but if I was a girl and looked like you, I wouldn't be worried about a thing." He was silent for a moment and looked at me, "Seriously. Not a thing."

My stomach moved up into my chest and my heart fell into my stomach. That didn't sound like a very friendly thing to say, did it? Damien disappeared under the water again, and I continued to fiddle with the wet, uncomfortable shirt, which was really starting to piss me off.

Why the hell not, right? And so I whipped the thing off and followed him under.

And although Damien had claimed to be the kind of guy who didn't gawk and stare, I swear, every now and then I caught him looking at me in a way that wasn't very friendly. We swam and laughed and splashed each other like little kids and I couldn't remember the last time I'd had so much fun. It also dawned on me that I hadn't thought about Michael the whole day. Not once, well, until right now.

And then Damien abruptly ended our fun, "Come, time to go."

I'd completely lost track of time, so I quickly stood up out of the water and headed back towards the beach, and then I realised...

... I was walking in front of Damien in my bikini, and stuff was probably (no, definitely) wobbling. There would be some shaking and shimmying, that I was sure of. I mentally kicked myself, it was one thing being submerged in water, but now I was standing and moving in full daylight. Crap, I suddenly became very self-conscious and took a deep breath, hoping it would suck it all in somehow. I started to walk in a rather robotic way in an attempt to minimise any unwanted movement of my subcutaneous fat cells. I put my feet down gently in case the impact would jiggle something loose, and I tensed my muscles in the hopes it would give me the appearance of sleeker legs and a perkier bum (wishful thinking). At this stage, I was concentrating so hard on defying nature, gravity and all known laws of physics that it was already too late by the time I saw the rock. And so I walked straight into it, stubbed my toe and stumbled backwards.

And then -- you couldn't have orchestrated a more clichéd yet perfect moment if this had been a Hollywood Rom-Com -- I felt two strong hands catch me. When I finally realised what had happened, I found myself pressed, hard, against Damien's naked chest, and he was holding me in his arms. Now this was exactly the kind of situation we were supposed to be avoiding. But it had happened, it was real, and I'd never felt more turned on in my entire life.

If I have to be completely honest; part of the reason I hadn't wanted to have sex was because of the general dislike I harboured towards it. With Michael, all the other stuff we'd done was okay, I guess. Although a lot of the time I'd just done it for his benefit, I'd even faked it a few times over the years, well maybe more than a few. You see, this fear and dislike of sex stems from a very traumatic childhood experience. It was terrible. Awful. It was a moment that scarred me, and has altered my perception of sex and sexuality forever.

When I was about eight, I went on a camping trip with my mom and her new boyfriend. We were all staying in a caravan together, now what possessed them -- what made them think that they wouldn't wake me up, and in fact wake the entire camping site with their disgusting noises -- was beyond me. I suppose it had something to do with the weed and Tequila they'd been imbibing all day.

But those two went for it.

And when I say 'went for it', I mean, they went for it like they were being chased by the four horsemen of the apocalypse and this would be their last time ever! And it was a very educational and descriptive experience because this guy my mom was dating -- I can't even remember his stupid name -- had a running commentary going throughout the whole thing. He was very clear and specific about what he was doing, what he was about to do and what he wanted to do! Now, I've read Fifty Shades, and trust me, this made that book pale in comparison. Seriously. And there was no escaping it. It went on for hours and hours and hours and then for the duration of the holiday. So yes, you can say that my attitude and thoughts about sex are a little damaged.

BUT...

Right now, my breasts pressed up against Damien's naked chest, the feel of his arms wrapped around me, the intense sensation of his hot hands resting on the small of my cold, wet back, and our wet bodies pressed together tightly, every inch touching, made me feel like all the blood rushing through my body had changed direction and was suddenly swirling around my nether regions. I wanted him so badly it literally hurt. I wasn't looking at him yet, but I willed my face to tilt upwards and my eyes met his. The air between us was electric. His eyes moved down to my mouth and although he wasn't touching my lips, they were stinging...

We'd said we weren't going to do this. But it was the only thing that felt right in that moment, this was the only thing that made sense to me. Kissing Damien was all I wanted. And I'd never wanted anything more in my life...

"Lilly," his voice was a whisper.

"Yes, Damien..."

He was still staring at my lips, and moved one of his hands up to touch my face. His finger traced its way down my cheek, and I shivered in response, my skin rose up in goosebumps that covered my entire body. He moved his fingers down to my lips and I felt his thumb trace my bottom lip.

Then he moved his mouth closer to mine. Our lips were now only millimetres away.

"Aren't we just supposed to be friends... " I could feel and taste and smell his breath. And it was sweet and hot and I wanted to drink it in.

"Please..." I whispered back to him, "Kiss me, Damien."