Chapter 39

Iris' Pov

He wasn't joking when he said he wasn't done fighting for us. For the past few days, he's done so many romantic gestures that makes me feel crappy yet strong in my decision.

He's determined but so am I.

Combing my hand through my messed up hair which has grown out past my butt, I stroll into the living room feeling pretty fucking good.

Better than I have been in a while actually.

I slept pretty okay last night, no twisting or turning or handsome billionaires on my mind.

I grab a mug from the top shelf, pouring into it freshly made coffee. Bringing the mug to my lips I sip the steaming hot beverage gingerly.

The kids have gathered in the living room and despite the fact that I've laid the news on them about Grace being well, dead, they've taken it well.

James sits on one of the couches tuning his guitar while ever so often popping a Lay's potato chip into his mouth, Naomi sits with the twins and Gabe building God knows what with those little devil construction pieces and both Mel and Christopher eat cereal, eyes transfixed on what Dora the explorer has to say.

Finishing up my cup of coffee, I rinse the cup, placing it into the dishwasher where it will be thoroughly cleaned. Making my way back to the tiny bedroom I've been staying in, I push the door open, closing it behind me.

Grabbing the file off my bed, it's a file about Claire Griffiths. I got a private eye to search up on her.

I stare at the file, sighing. What the hell am I suppose to do? I can't just call her family up and tell them they're daughter is dead but I have to, don't I?

I reach for my fixed phone, holding the rectangular device in my hand I open the phone via facial recognition. Placing a reminder to call the Griffiths, I notice the notifications.

538 messages, that's how many messages had been sent to me from worried friends, family and a certain gentleman who I dare not speak his name.

Tapping on Ezra's contact, I wince feeling guilty as I read all of her worried text messages.

Jesus, Iris, selfish much.

Ez💕✨: Call me.

Ez💕✨: I'm worried about you.

Ez💕✨: I'm here if you

want to talk.

👋

Wow, Iris, Hi...Are you fucking with me? You haven't spoken to her in like 2 weeks. Is hi all you can think of?

In a snap, before I can consider deleting the message and retyping something better, Ezra texts back and if I know Ezra she'a probably squealing and smiling like a loon right now.

Ez💕✨: Iris! Hey BAabe!

What's up, my spicy tamale?!

I smile, rolling my eyes at her quirkiness.

Ez💕✨: Its cool, I understand

but I won't lie

I've missed you a lot, hun.

Ez💕✨: How are you?

I hesitate, lips pursed as I think of what I'll reply. Should I say I'm fine or.....

Ez💕✨: Haven't we all?

Ez💕✨: Hell yeah, I never

pass up food. I'm eating for two after all.

The Grillout on W 35th street?

I'm craving ribs.

Ez💕✨: Bye!

Exiting our message panel, my eyes lands on his name which rests at the very top, showcasing in red 300 or so unopened messages.

My finger itches to tap it, to read what he has to say. Sighing I give in, I just have to. Tapping the screen I watch as it opens.

Arse😘💕: I might run out of text

messages to send you,

and I might run out of jokes too.

My phone might run out of battery,

but my heart will never

run out of space for you.😘

I roll my eyes blushing dumbly at his obvious googled message.

Horrible, I comment in my head yet I can't help but smile. Scrolling downwards I continue to read message after message.

Arse😘💕: I can't sleep😕

I miss your annoying snoring.

I miss waking up to you

clinging to me like a koala.

A picture is attached to that one, a picture of him laying in bed, looking damn near god-like. He'a shirtless as usual, curls of untamed hair falling into his face as he gives a sexy sleepy-eyed smile.

God, he was gorgeous.

Arse😘💕: Roses are red🌹,

violets are blue,

I'm really shitty at poems

can you tell this is the

God honest truth? 🙏

But one thing I know to be true,

I love you more than the sun and moon.🌞🌚

How romantic...

Arse😘💕: I'm in a boring meeting

right now, listening to assholes

talk about God knows what

and all I can think about

is just how much I miss ....chocolate cake and ......you, mostly you.

This one was recently sent only 3 minutes ago.

Shaking my head, I place my phone down making my way over to the bathroom, slipping inside, my feet patters against the cold tiled floor.

I tug my bed tousled top off along with my comfortable grey sweatpants, discarding them in the laundry basket in the corner. Next came my underwear which are only a pair of ugly white cotton panties I haven't worn in a while.

Hopping into the shower, I turn the dial, feeling as the warming water splashes against my skin.

As I wash myself clean, I let myself think of him, let myself feel for him for the slightest moment.

Drying myself once I've finished my shower, I go into the bedroom tugging on the underwear I've fished from the dresser. Dressing in warm clothing which will protect me from the harsh New York cold, I grab my phone slipping it into my back pocket.

Slipping my feet into my velvet black knee-high boots, I pull my hair into a high ponytail and stroll towards the door. Placing my hand on the door handle, I turn the knob essentially opening the door.

Walking into the living room, I pick my keys off the counter pressing a kiss to the all the little one's foreheads.

"Where are you going?" James asks suddenly as I make my way towards the door.

I cock a brow at this. "....Out."

James frowns, averting his eyes, he looks as if he wants to say something but decides against it instead he goes back to tuning/strumming his guitar.

"Bye guys, I'll see you later." I smile, waving them goodbye.

Closing the door, I shake my head, going down the stairs I tuck the loose strands of my hair behind my ear as I make my way outside to my car which is mostly covered by sheets of snow.

Yeah, I'll just walk.

I mean it's pretty much around the corner anyways.

Digging my glove covered hands into my pockets, I kick a clump of snow as I go down the street watching as people set up decorations for their New Year's Eve parties.

Walking amongst the crowd, I observe everything, just watching the world. Watching the couples, the families, the friends, the individuals.

I listen, listen to the chatter, to the laughter, to the blaring horns, to the thump of a bucket being beat in a rhythmic pattern somewhere off in the distance.

It's different, far different from driving past them, far different from watching from the heights.

I don't know what it's like to be like one of them and I really really wanted to be like one of them, I wanted to understand.

As a therapist far too long had I sympathized with my patients never had I put myself in their shoes.

I want to start anew if I want to find myself, I need to clear my head.

I spot her, before she spots me. She sits inside the restaurant, tapping away at her phone, blond hair framing her face. Glancing up, a bright grin lights up her face as she catches sight of me, she waves her hand wildly around like a maniac.

Laughing softly, I enter the establishment the chunky heels of my boots clicking against the polished wooden floorboards. Moving towards where she sits, I watch as she beams practically bouncing in her seat.

"Hey." I wave lamely.

She rolls her eyes, lips quirking up as she gets up reaching over to wrap her arms around me, squeezing me into an embrace which is a bit too tight.

"I missed you so much, Ris." She whispers softly.

I smile at her horrible nickname for me, giving her a little squeeze as well. "I missed you too, Ez."

Pulling back she sits down as I take my coat off, draping it over the back of my chair along with my scarf. Taking my seat, I tug my gloves off last placing them on the table.

"So, what's been up with you?" I query, quirking a brow at her.

She shrugs with a frown. "Nothing, nothing at all. It's been so goddamn boring since you've been gone."

"You're such a drama queen."

She gasps mockingly. "Me? A drama queen? Never."

Sharing a laugh, I run a hand through my hair.

"Oh, by the way, love the new look."

"New look? " I inquire, confused.

"Yeah, the whole super long hair Superwoman thing, I think it looks good on you." She compliments me.

I laugh at her analogy. "I uh....just haven't had time to cut it, that's all."

"Well, it looks good."

"So, how's Nikolai and Estevon?"

She scrunches her nose up. "Those idiots are fine now, completely chill. I think Estevón has some type of weird respect for Nico now."

"And you and Nikolai?" I ask, watching as instantly her smile falls for a millisecond.

"He and I are cool, I guess. We're planning on doing the whole co-parenting." She responds with another shrug, eyes trained on the tall glass of water which she stirs with her straw.

"That's good." I smile.

Eyes shifting up to mine she nods with a sort of forced smile. Resting my hand on top of hers, I soften my eyes, staring into her eyes with a look of complete understanding.

She wants to let go of him but it's hard, just as it's so hard for me to let go of Luca.

"You'll get over him eventually," I reassure her...I reassure myself.

I have to get over him one day right?

She shakes her head, perking up significantly. "So what are you wearing tonight for the party?"

Removing my hand from atop hers, I look at her as if she's suddenly and magically grown two head.

"What party?" I lift a brow.

She snorts. " party."

"What is party?" I say, making sure to emphasize the 'the' like she had. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You're joking right?" She asks, eyes widening when she realizes my blatant confusion. "I can't believe you're asking me about what party I'm talking about, it's party of the year. The party which kicks off the whole new year with a bang, I mean it's the biggest annual event at Donario Enterprises."

"Well, clearly I wasn't invited. " I murmur, eyes skimming the words of the menu pretending it was as interesting as the Mona Lisa.

"Bullshit, you must have gotten an invitation." She rebuts and folds her arms.

"I didn't," I respond, the words coming out a bit on the bitter side.

It's not like I want to go anyway.

"No, you have to have one, It must have gotten lost in the mail or something." She tries to defend.

"Relax, Ez, if it was sent it must be at the orphanage by now and if it's not then I must not have been invited. " I shrug acting as if it was nothing.

"Iris, Luca must have sent you one." She sighs, a frown on her face.

I scowl. "Or maybe he hasn't."

She opens her mouth to say something but instead chooses to close it again, thankfully.

I didn't need whatever advice she thought she could give to me. I was fine, I am fine.

Sure you are.

"Iris." She whispers in a voice that's barely audible.

Letting my eyes roll up to hers, she sighs heavily.

"I support you in whatever decision you choose to make, but know he really does love you, I never thought he could be more than what he was but Iris, you have made him into a man with a heart. Some people don't get to have that sort of love." She mutters as she speaks words, words filled with wisdom. "But if you think that what you need is freedom then you should definitely go do your thing."

I nibble on my lower lip. "Thank you, Ez."

Grateful for her understanding.

"It's no problem, hun. I'm here for you just like the way you're here for me." She grins showing off her beautiful pearly whites.

Smiling back at her, we share a moment before my stomach rudely cuts in.

I blush embarrassed, blushing even harder as Ezra laughed at my stomach's outburst.

I hope no one else heard that.

Sticking out my tongue at her, she sticks her tongue back out at me looking rather childish.

✨✨✨

After a generous helping of BBQ ribs with really good french fries and a slice of strawberry cheesecake for lunch, I was full and satisfied. The Grillout definitely was a new fan-favorite.

Pushing the door of the restaurant open, we laugh heartily as we exit the warm and vibrant restaurant back out on to the cold New York streets.

"They're Mac n' cheese is seriously the best thing ever," Ezra states, patting her tummy.

" I dare to disagree I think the tater tots were pretty damn good. "I say rivaling her comment, hands digging deep in my coat's pocket.

Ezra scrunches her nose up, shaking her head from side to side. "Nah, the tater tots were like... hearing that Kylie Jenner got more plastic surgery. They were unsurprising"

I roll my eyes. "You're only saying that because you don't really like tater tots or any veggies for that matter."

She giggles as we stop before her car. "True."

"I guess this is you," I state.

"Yup, I can drop you off to the orphanage if you'd like. " She offers kindly but I have other plans in mind.

"No, I'm good, I have somewhere else I need to be." I decline graciously, stepping back a bit.

"Well, I can still take you to where you need. " She's insisting at this point.

I shake my head firmly. "I'm fine, Ez, really thank you. I'll just take a cab."

She sighs heavily then shakes her own head from left to right before finally, she gives in.

"Fine, okay but call me when you get back. "

"Okay." I agree.

Giving each other one last tender hug, we break apart and I wave her goodbye as she hops into her mini cooper and drives off leaving me behind.

Hailing a cab, the bright yellow vehicle pulls up at my feet and I hop in, informing him of the address. Scrolling through my phone's contact list, I search for my associate's number, tapping the call icon once I've found it.

"Hey, I'm on my way. Thank you again for seeing me."

"It's no problem, Iris. " He gives that familiar laugh that I've known since childhood.

"See you in a bit, bye," I smile, hanging up.

As soon as I hang up, immediately, I wonder am I really going to go through with this? Do I really want to do this?

Letting my head fall back, I sigh closing my eyes for a split second. I shake my head trying to encourage myself, I have to do this. I have to go through with it.

He will hate me for it but I have to, for my own sake.

I feel sick all of a sudden, grasping at my stomach as I feel the urge to puke. I double over, leaning my head against the seat situated in front of me.

"Are you okay, ma'am?" The taxi driver asks warily, looking up at me through his rearview mirror.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I open my eyes and sit up straight, trying to muster up a smile and some normalcy. "I just had a little bit too much to eat, that's all."

"....Please don't puke in my car, lady." He mumbles, returning his eyes to the road.

"Yeah, okay. Got it." I nod.

The taxi driver shakes his head muttering under his breath something about strange people nowadays to which I roll my eyes at the balding man.

Pulling up in front of the shiny, glass infrastructure I get out paying the man $10 and closing the door behind me, he speeds off once he hands me my change as if he can't get out of here faster.

Making my way to the rotating glass door, I push it open, smiling politely at the receptionist.

"Hey Julia." I smile, waving at her.

"Hey, Iris." She grins back.

Strolling over to the elevator, I press the button, waiting for the elevator shaft to come down. The silver doors open and I step inside, pushing the button for the third floor.

Feeling the ground shift under my feet, I ride the elevator up to the third floor without interruption.

Here we go, I let out a breath as the doors open and I am presented with an empty and silent pristine hallway.

✨✨✨✨

After 15 minutes I'm waiting, waiting for the elevator doors to open and the ground to stop moving about. As I ride the elevator back down with what was definitely the end of my marriage, I felt.....nothing.

No guilt, no sadness..nothing, nada, zilch.

Waving goodbye to Julia, I leave the building, going down the steps two at a time, making my way back down to the curb where I can get a ride back to the orphanage.

Without having to hail said ride, I slide into an already awaiting cab. Placing my earbuds in my ears which blasts The Weeknd, I stare out the window, watching as we drive through the traffic-packed, colourful and ever moving city of New York.

Bobbing my head slightly to the beat which flows through my veins, I mouth the lyrics acting out in my head wicked cool dance moves.

"Thanks," I mutter, handing him $8 and exiting the cab with a close of the door behind me.

Strolling towards the main entrance of the orphanage, I push the glass doors open feeling as the warmth of the heater wraps itself around me.

I nod in acknowledgment at the new receptionist I'd hired by the name of Britney, she was a nice girl from Arizona with no criminal record or any relations to Lila or Grace/Claire and I was quite sure of this because I had private investigators trail her for a while and research her.

Climbing up the stairs instead of using the elevator, I enter the hallway which is filled with a few dozen roses.

You have got to be fucking with me.

I cock a brow, approaching the crimson red flowers apprehensively. Bending down, I pull a card from the flowers closest to the door that sticks out.

Dear Iris,

I know what you're expecting something romantic or a shitty love poem, however, this is neither.

I thought of some fluttery bullshit but it was just not Luca Donario, my specialty is making pussies wet not saying mushy shit.

What I'm trying to say is, I guess, I miss your shitty taste of movies, I miss your skin, I miss your touch, I fucking miss making love to you. Fuck, I'm ramble writing, never done that before.

......Such a fucking joke, never would anyone have thought Luca Donario this fucking whipped.

I'm literally cringing as I write this but I, I miss you, Iris, without you I think I'm losing my fucking mind.

Ti amo.

Luca

Running my thumb over his beautiful calligraphy, I shake my head pocketing the note as I straighten up to full height.