The patron slipped the one hundred dollar bill in my underwear, and left. I slowly limped back towards the dressing room and got dressed. I thought I could handle this lifestyle, but turns out I'm not ready for it at all. What to expect? I'm used to the neglect, the disrespect for my body, the submission, and the abuse. I gathered my things, and left the club. Tears started to fall as I walking down the road towards the building.

Once I got to the alleyway, I slowly pushed the door open. I used majority of my strength to push myself up the flight of stairs to reach my room. Once I got to my floor, I walked to my room. I opened my door, and sighed in relief to be in my room. Closing the door behind me, I threw my shoes off into the distance. I slouched down on me bed in disappointed of the horrible way this year began. I look around the room, and spotted a razor sitting on the dresser. Quickly, I got up to retrieve it. I picked the razor up, and broke the tip of it. The razor blade popped out, and I picked it up. I slid myself to the floor, and heaved heavily.

I placed the razor up to a lateral part of my wrist, and pressed down with ease. The pain and sensation of the blade was euphoric. Gently, I slid the razor down my arm. The blobs of blood formed on my arm as the razor slid down the outmostlayer of my skin. I bit my bottom lip as the blood dripped slowly. I fell back on the side of the bed, and allowed the blood to release itself from its chamber. I couldn't help but to remember when I first started cutting myself.

"So what should I do with your body today?" Jalonni said as he proceed his way into my room.

I balled up into the fetal position near my headboard. He gradually approached my bed with caution which was very cynical like. He sat on the bed and rubbed circles onto my thigh. I jittered under his touch. Little knocks came from the opposite side of the door from Faizon or La'rey. My head shot over towards the door, and I look at his annoyed expression.

"What?" He yelled still teasing my flesh with his awful hands.

"Hyden?" La'rey's voice sounded from the other side of the door.

I looked at Jalonni with pleading eyes for him to just let me be. He smiled a sardonic smile before pushing himself up from my bed. He walked to the door, and jerked it open. La'rey stood in the doorway with his stuffed animal in his hand that he always slept with. I quickly scooted to the edge of the bed in angst.

"Didn't I tell you to go to bed?" Jalonni said in an authoritative tone.

"I want to lay with Hyde--" La'rey was cut off by Jalonni grabbing his ear out of irrationality.

It scarred my ears to hear the shreik La'rey escaped from his mouth.

"Jalonni stop!" I screamed as I ran up behind up.

He pushed me on the floor still holding onto La'rey's ear. "Hyden..." La'rey cried reaching his hands out for me. I started to cry at my uselessness for not being able to protect him.

In order to get Jalonni away from La'rey I knew what I had to do. I jumped up, and hit Jalonni in the back of the head with all my might. It didn't work though. He let La'rey go and I told him to run into his room. He did as told. Jalonni turned around to me and smiled before punching me in the face. I stumbled back towards the wall holding my jaw as he started walking up further. I crawled into my room, and he kicked me in my side. I fell onto the ground, and what I thought would be over, wasn't. He got my hand held rectangular shaped mirror from the bathroom and lifted up my head.

He slid the mirror under my face, while still holding my head up by my hair. I used both of my hands to grab his wrist to try to get loose. In a instance, he started to slam my head down on the glass mirror below me. Once the mirror was fully cracked, he flung me to the bed.

I gagged and coughed severely. He left out of the room, and I was there laying in the same position for 3 hours after. I managed to get up, and grab the box cutter from the table near my bed. I spit out some blood, and began to slit my wrist. I was done with the pain at this point. I had a raging headache, and the next thing I remember is a very bright light walking towards me.

The next day I woke up in the hospital. This was becoming a very familiar home to me. Each day Jalonni visited me. We sat on silence each time he visited. It was after the raping incident that I decided to get away. Once and for all.

*******

I come back to the present from my flashback of misery and woe. The blood dripped down onto my clothes. I stand up from the floor, and grab my old shirt. I rip the shirt and wrap a long piece of it around my arm. I turn around, and walk back towards the bed, holding my arm out. I sit down, and a little baggie falls off. I pick it up, and look at the powdery substance inside. I'm more than familiar with what this is. I stand up, and walk over the dresser. I grab a book, and place the baggie onto the book. I scan the room for my one hundred dollar bill, and I spot it. Quickly, I roll it up, and spread the powder onto the book. I take the bill, and sniff the substance into my nose.

The sensation from the powder was fulfilling, but it was a burning sensation within my nose. I coughed from the sudden burst of euphoria from the cocaine. I didn't know how it got into my room, or why but I was going to utilize it. I fell back onto my bed with the room spinning, and all these different visions popping up in my mind.

----

The next morning I woke up on the floor with a sheet covering me. I don't know how I ended up down here. I sat up and rubbed my eyes of the crust. I had a raging headache right about now. I crouch myself up on the bed. I felt slightly woozy. Once I get up on the bed, there are light taps on the door.

I groan at the noise. Even though it's light. "Come in!" I mini yell.

Daddy Mac walks in with a smirk on his face. I hide my face in my palms, of embarrassment.

"I didn't see you performing last night. What happened?" He asks, sitting down in front of me.

"I left early." I confess.

"Why is that?" He asks, sitting back, crossing his arms with an amused expression.

"Because I..." I sigh heavily trying to gather my words. "I was raped...last night, and I don't think I want to go back." I admit, looking up at him.

He holds his amused expression. "You don't want to go back?" He asks once more.

"No..." I shake my head.

He nods his head in what I thought would be understanding. "I asked you were you sure you wanted to do that. You said yes. Now you want to cop out, and I can't let that happen. This lifestyle is pretty fucked up, and unfortunately that's what you chose. So it's either you go back or I kill you." He finishes, looking at me with all seriousness.

My heart drops from this ultimatum. "I didn't know it would be this hard."

"That's why I left you the cocaine when you were strung out on the floor. How did it make you feel?" He asks.

"Honestly it took my pain away." I say honestly.

"Just do some of that when you get ready to go out. You'll do fine. You're gonna make a lot of money for me." He stands up, and taps my head before walking out of the room.

I stare at the door for awhile. I was lost in thought for some odd reason. I decided to take a shower to get last nights filth off of me. I grab my towel and toothbrush, and head towards the bathrooms. Once I reached the bathroom, I walked towards my stall. Once I hit the stall Isis popped up in front of me drying her hair.

"Hey kid." She smiles brightly at me.

"Hey Isis." I hug tightly.

"Somebody missed me." She laughs and hugs back.

"Where have you been? Why haven't you come to see me?" I ask wanting to know.

"I told you we would see each other less. Ho's really can't be friends in this business. It's not like I haven't thought about it. I just have my own business to handle ya'know." She explains and I don't care. I really missed this woman.

"I understand." I respond.

"You seem to have been through hell." She says, touching the side of my face.

"You don't know the half of it." I sigh.

"Tell me all abou---" She gets cut off.

"Isis... Big Daddy is looking for you, and says it's urgent." A random whore shouted three stalls down.

"Sorry kid. We will talk soon." She hugs me once more, and exits the bathroom urgently.

I roll my eyes to the sky, and proceed to take my shower. I turn the water on, and step out of my clothes. My hand glides past one of the many bruises that has now healed, and I rub my hand across it. The pain and memories behind these scars is what I'll always remember. Once I'm in the shower all pain seems to wash from me. I understand how it feels to be baptized, to be replenished, and sanctified once more. Unfortunately, for this isn't the case. I grab the bar of soap, and begin to wash myself. Suddenly, as sharp pain shoots through my groin region. I crouch in pain with the shower water still running down on me. I cut the water off, and help myself out of the tub still holding my stomach. As if on cue Vontez comes to my stall.

He notices me in the ground, and runs to my aid. "Darrien are you okay?" He muffled voice said as I started to fade out.....

I don't know how I woke up in my bed again, but it was night time. My room was completely dark, and I scanned around the darkness. I was scared to move from my current state. Lowly, I heard snoring. I felt all around myself on the bed to make sure no one was in bed with me. I sat up slowly, and turned to the side to stand up. When I did, I immediately tripped over someone or something.

"Oww." Vontez groaned lowly as I crawled to the light.

I flicked on the light, and immediately regretted it once the brightness filled the room. Vontez and I cringed at the light, but gave our eyes time to adjust.

"What are you doing in here?" I ask, once I can see.

"You passed out in the bathroom. I put you in the bed, and because I know you needed your space. I slept on the floor. Only to make sure you were okay." He explains, yawning.

"Thanks." I reply. "How long was I out?"

"About..." He starts to ponder. "9 hours. You must've been really tired."

I chuckle a little. "Yeah. I was."

"How did your first day at the club go last night?" He ask.

My heart starts to beat fast at the nervousness of telling him what happened. "It was okay." I lie.

"Really?" He asks with a raised eyebrow.

"No." I confess. "I got raped. I told Daddy Mac to assign me somewhere else..."

"And he told you no." Vontez finished my sentence.

I nod instead of responding.

"I told you this lifestyle would be difficult. When I first got here and he put me on the block, I asked for him to change me too! He told me no and threatened me." He shurgs.

"How do you deal with it?" I ask because he seems so content with it.

"I don't. Most of the time I'm high out of my mind or unconscious. Not like.... Knocked out or anything but like absent of mind." He finishes.

"Absent of mind?" I ask, confused.

"Yeah. It's sort of a fight or flight mechanism. I'm there physically but I let my emotions go so that I don't even realize it's happening." He crosses his legs, and places his hands inside the fold.

"I should learn to do that." I mumble to myself.

"You got raped on your first night. I bet that sucks." He says, sadly.

"I'm used to it." I shrug. "It's just scary every time someone new does it. Not knowing if this time they will not allow me to walk out alive, or if they will kill me to keep me quiet." I admit to him.

"I understand." He looks down at him feet. "Can I tell you a secret?" He asks and I'm all ears.

"Anytime." I answer.

"I have two sisters somewhere. My dream is to find them and be reunited. I also have a child." He admit and I had to double take.

"Wait...A child?" I ask for clarity.

"Yes. I was whoring with women once upon a time. The old lady wanted to be pregnant, and she made me fuck her without a condom. Well, she did all the work. Last I heard of her she got her baby." He confesses to me and I couldn't help but to feel bad.

I wanted so bad to tell him about my real name and my real life before this, but it's not the right time yet. He suddenly stands up, and I look up at him.

"Now I have to go." He says, folding his covers.

"Why?" I ask.

"I have to be on the corner at 11." He explains and I instantly get sad. "You're lucky." He says, throwing the folded sheet on my bed.

"Why is that?" I ask.

"Usually you would've had to go back in ASAP. He let you rest for a day. That's noble of him." He chuckles and heads for the door.

"Be safe." I tell him as he leaves.

"See you soon." He responds, shutting the door behind him.

I've gotten all my sleep so I decided I'll just venture around the whore house. I haven't really been all over except to the bathroom, my room, and outside. I twist the knob, and peek out into the hallway. Around this time everyone is usually out doing their duties. I go up the stairwell to a floor that I've never been on. This hallway had red lights, and was very ominous. Vontez told me a while back that no one should be up here. My curiosity was killing me.

It was hard to ignore the immense stench that was coming from somewhere, or behind one of these doors. I spotted a light on on the right side of the hall, and I crept towards it. I peeked through the small crack in the doorframe and watched in. I then began to hear a saw cut on. It's crazy how I never really knew these rooms were up here. I then looked deeper into the crack, pushing the door open a little more, and I almost screamed once I saw Daddy Mac with the saw, and someone tied onto a table. I listened in a closely as I could.

"So you've been hiding my money." He asked in a lowly sickly tone.

Whoever was on the table was crying behind the muffles of the socks stuffed in their mouth.

"I'll show you." He uttered before he crunk up the saw. My eyes widen once I began to witness Daddy Mac cutting off the limbs of the person.

I back up because I was about to gag when someone's hand wrapped around my mouth, and I was out once more.

----

It was getting very irritating falling out, and waking up in this same situation. I sat up, and stretched, and noticed a pile of the little cocaine baggies on the dresser with a note under them.

I don't know why or how this stuff was ending up in my room, but I do know I needed it. I resisted the urge to sniff a little now, and went to slide on some shorts. I really don't know if we have a kitchen in this place but I was hungry. I walk to the door, and swing it open. Isis stood in front of me with Waffles, Bacon, Eggs, and Orange juice. This food smelt heavenly but where did she come from?

"Hey..." I say in a little shock.

"Good morning." She smiled pushing her way through. "I brought you breakfast. She sits the food down on my table.

I look at her anxiously wondering why she is here. "Morning?"

"Yes, Morning. I found you passed out on the floor, so I put you in your bed."

"I seem to be doing that a lot." I mumble lowly.

"Close the door and come eat." She smiles, patting beside her.

I close the door, and follow my stomach towards this food. I crouch down on the bed, and begin to eat my food.

"You have to go in tonight. You know that?" She asks, while watching me eat.

I stop to look at her. "I figured."

"It's not that bad." She nudges me.

"It is. I still haven't gotten adjusted." I explain.

"You will get the hang of it like you did the first night. Soon some very high clientele will be coming. Daddy Mac feels you'll do great that night." She coughs and clears her throat.

"High clientele as in?" I question.

"Some congressmen, a couple of police officers and new breds, and a few regular ballers."

"Wow. I know the female side is gonna be packed." I say sullenly.

"The male side too. Honey, you think these people don't live other lives outside of the public eye? We just have a special place where they enter the club to not be seen. You may be surprised who you see."

I bite the inside of my lip in thought. "Can I ask you a question?"

She laughs. "You just did."

"Seriously..." I throw my hands on the bed.

She stifles. "What is it?"

"Last night I was wondering around, and when I got upstairs I saw Daddy Mac and he was....."

Her eyes get wide and she cuts me off.

"Listen..." She makes sure the door is locked before speaking. "It's some things that can't be unseen. You don't speak of it, just keep them to yourself. It's very dangerous to spy on anything that gets done. If anything, even a hint of what you saw gets out, then you're automatically the blame. Get it?" She finishes with a certain harshness of tone.

"I understand..." I nod off.

She jumps back to her original smile. "Great..." She stands up. "Finish eating and get dressed. Daddy Mac has arranged for you to go in with some of the strippers early to prepare for the nights you missed."

I slouch in disappointment.

"Okay."

"Cheer up kid. You'll do fine." She say and closes the door.

Fine for my life isn't always what it means. I hate that I put myself through this but I can't help but shake this feeling.... No, I won't dwell on it. Guess now is the time to grab one of those baggies.