Have you ever felt like the feeling that maybe it wouldn't have happened only if I stayed, maybe it wouldn't happen if I didn't do bad deeds.

The goddess is punishing me. I know it, but do I care? No for all I care she could push me at the verge of death but not her. I can't take it. The pain it's too much. It's making me weak.

But, what is hurting me more is the distance between us. All my life I waited for her. I waited so much and now when I met here, it felt like a dream, a bliss but suddenly it's all gone leaving me in this abysmal guilt and regret.

He's doing this to hurt me. I know. I hate it. I hate it so much. Why would anyone do that? Again these words contradict my actions as I remember killing hundreds of mates to give their other halves pain.

The evil is good until it becomes evil for you. I had heard this a lot. Who knew I would face it. It hurts me so much. I can feel her agony and pain. Yet I can't help her. Lucifer has become numb.

I haven't talked to him since weeks. There's so much that's bugging me. Everything around me seems worthless when she isn't here. All I ever wanted was a life with a person I can love, adore and care for. She was the only one I yearned for. Now.. it seems so spar.

Another thing that bugs me is whenever I remember her, I don't remember anything but her scared face or a crying one. That.. That makes me more scared.

Did I love her less? Is this why she's not with me? I can't live without her, she's my everything, I am scared, I am so scared to lose her, to be alone..again. I don't need her love, I just need her presence. I don't want her body, I just want her to stay.

I know I did mate with her, without her will. But, they were my primal instincts. I always get afraid that she'll leave me. Because even I know that my angel deserves so much better than me.

I am a beast, a evil beast so how could I let her go. Everytime she denies me, the fear of her leaving me, sparks my rage. Everytime, there's distance between us, I get scared that I will be left alone all over again.

I don't want to become the beast I am. I love her, I really do and she's the one who can keep me sane. I have never cried in my life but from past two weeks I can't remember a single moment where my eyes don't have water in them and my heart doesn't clench in pain and agony for longing of her.

Tomorrow is full moon my only chance to find her because of the mark. My senses will be heightened to be with her. My body will be weak because of her pain. I don't care anymore I just want to be with her. I'll plead Azazel if needed but I will save her anyhow.

---

Her eyes snapped open as ice cold water was slammed on her body. 5 days, it bad been 5 days since she ate, her ball and socket joint in arms was pretty damages. Her skin was shivering and her fingers had froze due to the cold condition she was kept in. Moreover her dignity, she wondered if there was any dignity left.

It wasn't him, Azazel. It was someone else. Her weak eyes didn't bother to open anymore. Sensing him coming near, she did nothing. Her body had no energy to do anything nor she thought there was anything to be afraid. One day more without food and she'll die anyway. Considering that they gave her only a small water bottle to drink from only once a day. There was no hope. She was dieing so there was no need to be scared. She was going to die anyway.

"pulchra femina" (Beautiful Woman) she heard a voice that wasn't really husky but playful.

"Come on beautiful girl you need to drink this water or else you'll die" Fenriz uttered as he forwarded the bottle but his small smile froze awkwardly as he remembered her arms were broken. He forwarded the bottle to her half-conscious body. But, she didn't drink it.

"Don't you want to drink water? Aren't you thirsty" he inquired a little taken back by her rejection towards water.

"I want to d-die. T-they u-us-ed me. I'd r-rather d-die than being alive with the visuals of 25 m-men looking at my b-body.. As if.. As if I am not a human but a p-prey. I know e-even if I l-live, Damon will c-cage me. I-I'd rather d-die than being c-caged"

It had been months she had talked about her feelings to anyone. Now when she was dieing she wanted to be heard. Even if it was someone who didn't care about what she was babbling.

"I-I don't know what to say to a crying human female " Fenriz muttered awkwardly scratching the back of his neck. To which she chuckled a bit before breaking into fit of coughs because her lungs and body didn't have energy to even laugh.

"He's doing it, for power? " she asked when her coughs slowed down at which Fenriz looked away.

"I am afraid I can't tell you that" Fenriz said as his heart clenched at her pitiful physique.

"You're his friend? "

"I don't feel proud of saying yes given the things he's done to you. But, yes he is my friend and I c-can't betray him. Because when people threw me away like I was a shit, he gave me a place to live and I...I m-mean... I.. a-am..you know... s-sorry" his gaze was anywhere but at her. She breathed a bit and found it humorous a bit.

"You've never said sorry have you? "she asked with her trembling lips. To which he nodded

"Can you do something for me instead of sorry" her voice wasn't stuttering but it was incredibly low. If it wasn't for his werewolf genes he wouldn't have heard her.

"I won't help you escape if that's what you want " he muttered his eyes filled with sympathy.

She shook her head

"I want.. "

---

How was the chapter?

-Neets