❝No use wondering

While your change in heart has wandered

So I ask you this question

'cause it might help me sleep longer.❞

- Alessia Cara, Out Of Love.

"Hey, where are you going? It's Sunday today, I thought we were going to spend the day together," Tanner said Sunday morning seated on the counter, a cup of tea in hand.

"I'm sorry, big brother," I countered. "I'd made plans to hang out with a friend."

Something in me screamed 'liar!', but I wasn't lying, was I? Zee was my friend.

Yeah, and Tanner's ex-girlfriend.

"Do I know this friend?" Tanner asked, an eyebrow raised.

I swallowed, "Uh, nope," I answered, shaking my head.

Tanner tilted his head to a side, "Are you lying to me, Renée?"

How could I forget he could see through my lies? "Fine. I'm meeting up with River."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course," I chuckled and walked to the refrigerator, grabbing a bottle of water even if I had no interest in having water at the moment. I only did that so I would no longer be under Tanner's microscopic look.

"Well, okay," Tanner shrugged. "Have fun, and call if anything happens."

"Sure," I replied, taking a gulp of water just for show.

"Plus, yesterday I had to go into your bathroom because my hair wash finished, and I found out that you had a bunch of hair stuff, so yeah, I used some of your shampoo."

I realized then that he was talking about the hair products Zee had given me the last time we saw. I took another gulp of water, "It's no problem."

"Where did you get them from?" He raised his eyes to look at me.

Why was this happening today? Why was he asking things in which the answers had to do with Zee?

"A friend from school gave it to me," I answered.

It sucked lying to Tanner. Especially lying to his face, he didn't deserve it, but I was scared. He always shut down from merely hearing her name, and I was scared that he wouldn't be too pleased if I told him Zee had given me all that... or that I would be seeing her in a few minutes.

"You sure have nice friends, don't you?"

"Mhm," I nodded, walking to where he sat and tiptoed, kissing his forehead. "I have to go now. I'll see you later?"

"Alright. Love you."

*

One of the disadvantages of not knowing how to drive was having to always take a cab wherever you had to go, and one of the problems of having to take a cab was spending money. I had never had to take cabs because if Tanner wouldn't be my chauffeur, then Kaleb would have to do it, but now that we weren't speaking, I could tell that me and cabs would be friends. It was just a part of not being dependent on Kaleb. I missed him so much, but after the incident last Monday, he hadn't tried to talk to me. No calls, no texts, and I wasn't going to lie and say it didn't hurt. I tried to push the thoughts aside as I walked up to the house address Zee had given me.

The house was very unfamiliar, and I knew that this wasn't the house Zee lived in with her parents. Did she live alone? The house exterior was cute and I was eager to see the interior. I rang the doorbell almost three times when the front door opened.

A grinning Zee with watery eyes dressed in a tank top and sweats held the door open for me to come in, "Renée!"

"Oh my gosh, are you okay?" I asked, referring to her eyes.

She chuckled and waved a hand, "I'm making a chicken tikka masala and it's killing me. I'm so glad you could come."

"I know," I countered, flinging my arms around her, smiling. Pulling away after a short while, I told her, "I was at River's sister's birthday party yesterday," I said as Zee led me to the living room. There were boxes here and there, but despite that, the house looked plush.

Zee dug her hands into the pockets of her sweats and looked at me, smiling and wiggling her eyebrows, "Oou, Mr. Hottie. How old did she turn?"

I grinned, "Eleven. She's so adorable."

"So, how did the party go?"

"It was amazing."

"I'm so sorry about the boxes you see everywhere. I just got the house and I've been doing a really lazy job unpacking everything, but I somehow convinced my mom to come around and help me unpack," Zee explained, laughing a little.

My eyes lit up in a smile, "Will she be coming today?"

"Unfortunately, not today, but tomorrow."

The memory of being with Callie while Tanner and Zee went out on a date when I was much younger came to mind. The day something had gone wrong with Callie because she had been battling cancer. "How's she? Your mom, how's she?" I asked.

"She's great. And so is my dad," Zee smiled brightly. "Come with me to the kitchen."

"This house really is beautiful," I looked around the kitchen before sitting on a high stool by the counter.

"Thank you. I just wanted to get a place of my own, plus I'll be in LA for a long while. I wouldn't be travelling for another six months or so."

"You love what you do, don't you?"

"Yes, I really do. I wouldn't give it up for anything. I'm just in a happy place right now," she stated, removing chicken from skewers and adding them to a sauce.

I watched her and marveled at how she had changed. The weight she had put on was perfect for her stature. Her short shoulder length hair not only framed her face, but brought out her fine facial features. Why was Tanner with Kendall again? She was nothing like Zee. I never liked comparing people. I believed everyone was unique, but I just wondered what Tanner was thinking.

"I made some rice, but I don't know if you'll like it. It was my first time of making it," she looked up at me.

"I'll love to try it!"

Zee grabbed two dishes and filled up both plates with food. Placing them on the counter, she walked to the refrigerator and got out two cans of Mountain Dew. As we sat to eat, Zee said, "So, fill me in on everything. School, friends, River. Everything."

And so, I launched into stories upon stories, from how River had helped during the rumor period, to the situation with Kaleb, to Harper who was now my major friend in school, to River, meeting Maddie and Xavier and then Riley.

"River seems surreal," Zee commented.

"He's perfect the way he is," I flushed a bit. "And I think he's going to ask me out soon."

"He better," Zee clapped her hands. "And you better keep him. I need to meet him, though."

"It'd be amazing if you did."

"And his sister, Riley? She sounds incredible. It's not fair that he has to have such a disorder."

"I know," I retorted sadly. "But I love how she doesn't let it stop her from being so happy and bright."

"But how are you dealing with the whole Kaleb issue?"

I bit my lower lip,"I hate it, but what am I supposed to do? Clearly, he's also doing fine without me," I shrugged. "It is what it is."

"I'm sure he misses you. It happens. Whenever I had a fall out with Bambi or Ryan, I would act unbothered, like I didn't care, but deep down, it was killing me. I can assure you that he's feeling how you feel too. Just give it time, okay? He will come back, but when he does, be sure to forgive him."

I swallowed, quiet for a while. "How about Bambi and Ryan? How are they?" I remembered her two best friends then.

"Well, we still speak, but we're not just as close anymore, which I understand. We're all busy with our lives, but they've not changed. They're still as goofy and lovable, and they're both seeing amazing people as well. They're doing great."

"That's so good," I mused. "I'm happy for them."

"Same," Zee nodded and we were suddenly quiet, though it felt like we were thinking of the same thing.

Wanting to break the silence, I swallowed, "Zee?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Will you and Tanner ever get back together?" I asked softly.

She smiled, "No, sweetie. I don't think so."

"What do you mean? You and Tanner were perfect. I thought you would get married."

Zee's eyes were soft as she laughed.

"I really did think so," I continued. "You dated for such a long time, and then, all of a sudden, it was over. I don't understand it. Every time I bring you up, Tanner's mood changes and he just shuts down. Can you tell me what happened, Zee?"

She looked away, tucking her hair behind her ear as she swallowed, and after a while, she spoke up, "Renée, as cliché as this sounds, some things aren't just meant to be."

"Do you... do you miss him?"

"All the time...", but then something appeared in her eyes. I didn't know what it was. "... and it's so stupid of me."

"I don't like his present girlfriend," I stated and she smiled sadly at me as she said, "Pay no mind to her. As long as they're both happy, that's what should matter. He doesn't have to be with me."

I was about to tell her I knew Tanner wasn't happy with her, but I refrained from saying it. I could see how our talk was getting to her and I didn't want to ruin our day together.

So after long hours of Pinterest parties where we tried to do a lot of random DIYs we'd seen on Pinterest, chocolate bingeing, busting out Zee's nail polish collection and treating ourselves to a manicure, ordering ice cream and talking a lot more, it was time to call it a day.

"We have to do this again," Zee said, hugging me tightly.

"I had so much fun." I hugged back.

"I'll let you know when I'm free again."

"Yes, please."

*

By the time I got home, I was exhausted and I had to pee.

"Hey, did you have fun?" Tanner asked, ruffling my hair.

"I did, but I've really got to pee," I said in haste, leaving my sling bag and phone on the couch and running up to my room.

Feeling relieved after doing what I had to do, I walked back down the stairs and went to the living room to retrieve my bag and phone where I saw Tanner standing by the couch, a look on his face that I couldn't even describe. "What's wrong?" I asked.

Then my gaze averted to my phone which was in his hand, and my heart started to race. I swallowed hard and then looked back at him. He now looked at me in disbelief, "Kenz is the friend you hung out with?"

*