《Bathrooms, Superpowers, and Poetry》Pantoum: Impenetrable City

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Impenetrable City

There is no war

in the city of dreams.

Though you look to distant shores,

you’ll see no better queens!

In the city of dreams

when you walk, you and yours,

you’ll see no better queens

when you wave to men who knock on doors.

When you walk, you and yours,

speaking loudly, like machines,

when you wave to men who knock on doors…

No. You have not the means.

Speaking loudly, like machines—

”There is no war!”

Know you have not the means,

though you look to distant shores.

Poem 'Breakdown':

Impenetrable City

Large, Bold, and Underlined, like a wall that protects (or overshadows) the poem that follows.

Also, it's a massive Ba Sing Se reference. Because I'm a bloody nerd.

There is no war

in the city of dreams.

Though you look to distant shores,

you’ll see no better queens!

These lines are pure set-up. It starts the reader off in a pleasant tone so that the rest of the poem can counter that.

- 'Queens' set you into a more fantastical setting compared to modern day, but may be off-beat or distracting for this piece.

In the city of dreams

when you walk, you and yours,

you’ll see no better queens

when you wave to men who knock on doors.

- 'when you walk, you and yours,' Is a fine, lead-in line, but it's not pulling its weight. It's slow and it could be replaced with more helpful imagery.

'When you wave to men who knock on doors.' is used to prelude the next stanza's turn. On re-read, however, it is hoped that

"you’ll see no better queens

when you wave to men who knock on doors."

reads more so in the form of:

"You see the bad/evil/corruption of your city

when you wave to the men who knock on doors."

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When you walk, you and yours,

speaking loudly, like machines,

when you wave to men who knock on doors…

No. You have not the means.

-In this segment 'when you walk, you and yours,' is doing what I want as it elongates the scene and 'you' think and ponder. Still, it could likely be better.

The next three lines here introduce the turning point of the poem.

'Speaking loudly, like machines' is sharp and mechanical, as if the words that will come are memorized rather than felt. And because you do so 'when you wave to men who knock on doors', the intent is that these men are called into question. Gangs? No-- you wouldn't wave. City enforcers? Either way, 'the men who knock on doors' is very much a euphimism.

^(That portion could use some clarification on my end.)

When 'you' trail off on the third line, 'you' realize that 'You have not the means.' to interfere.

Speaking loudly, like machines—

”There is no war!”

Know you have not the means,

though you look to distant shores.

'Speaking loudly, like machines—

”There is no war!” '

This segment locks in the idea of propaganda, and of 'you' repeating it. (Out of fear?)

'Know you have not the means,

though you look to distant shores.'

This is a fun little segment. It brings the poem back around to the opening stanza and (hopefully) invites the reader to reinterpret the piece after being given the rest of the information.

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