As my steps elongated and the distance stretched between the swarm and Atik’s cowering form, my stomach twisted ever more violently. The pleasure I had taken in picking at his weaknesses, the uncontrollable urge to twist the knife deeper and more painfully, the pride I had taken in knowing that I had permanently broken Atik physically and emotionally… I had never thought myself capable of wanting that, of being that, but there hadn’t been a sweeping, swelling Khatif feeling. It had only been… me.

All violence I’d ever inflicted, all lives I’d ever ended, all things that could be easily counted as cruel or amoral could have been justified from certain standpoints. Hunting was simple, food to eat. That was simply how life worked. When the Veushten had led a charge on the den and we’d completely routed them, it was, again, an easy justification: kill or be killed, and entirely self-defense. Leading the attack on the village… could be justified. In a way. They would absolutely have become suspicious of what had happened to their subjugation force, and would have sent word to more, better, stronger Speakers. We almost certainly would have been exterminated if I hadn’t led the punitive force… But I couldn’t help but remember the twisted bodies of children lying in the streets, the absolute, unbridled rage of the surviving human girl, the tearstained, sobbing, terrified face of a girl who panicked at my words before I murdered her and left her body to rot and be eaten by scavengers.

There was justification there, and, in retrospect, I’d been overcome by Khatif sensibilities at the time, which had enflamed the radical actions I’d already begun to entertain. I didn’t like what I had done, but I would still make the choices that I had.

I… there was no reason for me to needle at Atik, to tear him down the way that I had. Only that I had enjoyed it. That was the only reason. I wasn’t driven by particular rage or anger or reason, but by sadistic enjoyment.

“Ashlani.” My name, so foreign from her tongue, startled me out of my reverie. Sybil continued once she saw my attention shift to her. “You made a decision that you would not have made before. It becomes you, as a true swarm Alpha. It was a firm statement of retribution and mercy, all in one moment.” She lightly slapped my side with her tail before walking away.

Took was walking near me in apparent solidarity. I couldn’t help but ask, “Was it that obvious?”

Took couldn’t help but chuckle at my question. “To us, yes. The swarm, probably not.” It was uncommon to hear Took laugh, and the strangeness of it forcefully pulled at me, forcing me to focus on the positive impact I was having. The keelish swarms that I now ruled over would almost positively be exterminated at this point were it not for me, one at the hands of the Veushten, the other by the Moonchildren. A disorganized swathe of pests could now begin to call itself a people. Learning tools, evolving as a species, finding an ancient home. That was me.

I began to allow myself to feel the complex swirling of emotions within me as finally the swarm approached the open fields where we had previously been ambushed. There was a cool, bone-chilling breeze blowing, the grass flowing in a liquid way, almost appearing as a vast ocean. I paused, looking over the vast plains, and let my confusing mass of emotions press, rock, shake me, but as I allowed myself to feel them, they died down in intensity. Finally, I was left with a firm stone of certainty, growing as a foundation until I could center myself on this absolute confidence in myself.

With a deep breath I forced myself from my reverie and looked around. The cold autumnal wind had begun to settle into my unmoving body, and I stiffly stretched myself and tried to warm up. Not far away, Joral stood, hesitant. I looked expectantly and he stepped forward, a sheepish but excited look on his face.

“That was… different. You’re a stronger leader now.”

“I suppose so. I’m finally making decisions instead of just letting things happen.”

Joral nodded a couple of times, seeming to have something else to say. After a moment of indecision and quiet, I spoke again.

“Joral, I trust you. I know that I haven’t shown that as well as I could have, but I do. I hold you to a higher standard than others, because I believe in you.”

He stood a little taller, almost looking comical since he was a naturally hunched individual. “Really?”

“Yeah. From tonight, everything is going to change, and I trust you to spearhead a lot of that change.”

Joral looked at me, somewhat shocked. “How… how did you know it was tonight?”

“I didn’t have an exact timeline for this, but after what happened with those friisht, it’s time.”

“That’s what I thought, but… I’m nervous. Scared, even.”

I scoffed. “No reason to fear. You’re a natural leader, and, if I wasn’t here, I’m willing to bet you would have been the one to bring the swarm together.”

Joral looked down for a moment, then, seeming to steel himself, looked up at me. “Thank you for trusting me. I won’t let you down. You’ll always be my Alpha.”

I cocked my head, a little confused, but simply nodded, patted him on the back, and spoke, “Until you or I die.”

“Victory, by fang and blood.”

I almost chuckled at the old mantra, surprised by how long it had been since I’d last led the swarm with those words. Briefly with the Nanuk, then not since the Moonchildren… While I’d lost myself in my musings once again, Joral had jogged off to his usual group of swooning females. I did chuckle then, since I couldn’t help but feel that Joral was more keelish than me. Seeing as I was looking to elevate my people to Keel, though, I wasn’t too upset about that.

The swarm slowly settled down for the night once we’d made several hours worth of travel into the plains. It was just an hour or two past the middle of the night, and it would be a long while before the sun rose. With the ever-more chilling wind, the swarm huddled close together, keeping each other warm, began to sleep.

…

“Alpha, you need to wake up now.”

Rubbing my bleary eyes, I was first blinded by the rising sun before I looked at Sybil, whose face was set in stony anger.

“About 100 members of the swarm have disappeared overnight. Joral and Shemira are among them.”